Dear Shanna;
I think I might be kink, but I don’t know how to start talking to my girlfriend about it. I’m worry she’ll think I’m a pervert and will dump me. What do I do? Should I keep my mouth shut, or share this part of myself with her? And how?
Jamie
Warminster, PA
Jamie –
That’s always a hard decision to make.
First, let’s consider that a very good number of people consider themselves kinky, at least in some way. Kink doesn’t have to mean going to a public dungeon every weekend to be flogged. It can be as simple as calling your girlfriend Mistress or Ma’am, or having her wear a blindfold while you do delicious things to her. It can involve fuzzy cuffs and a feather tickler, or having someone make you beg to finally get to orgasm. Kink is so many different things.
That said, take some time (I’m sure you have already!) to figure out what kind of kink you’re interested in exploring. You don’t have to have all the answers now, but try to get a general idea of what you’d like to try, so that you can slowly introduce it to your partner.
For example, if you think you’d like to play with power, and you want her to be in charge, ask her how she’d feel about having a night where she tells you what to do. She can ask for anything, and you’ll do it for her. Or maybe suggest having her tie you up (with restraints, stockings, a tie, handcuffs, etc) and have her way with you. These are fun role playing games that lots and lots of people do, and even more fantasize about.
Communication is great too; perhaps get a book of fantasies or a book of erotica, and pick out a more kinky one that you like. Ask her to read it with you, and see if she expresses interest in it as well. Perhaps get her SM 101 or How to Be Kinky as a gift, have her read through it, and mark anything she’d like to try.
If you bring up the subject, and she shuts it down right away, then maybe she isn’t ready to talk about it yet. Maybe table it, continue to enjoy your fantasies, and try again later. However, given the sheer number of kinky people out there (check out FetLife.com – it’s the social network for kinky people) who like a little spice of kink in their lives, I think she’ll at least be open to a conversation, and might even surprise you!
