Meg:

I believe my husband’s ex-wife has golden uterus complex. Can you enlighten us a little more on this topic?

Thanks,

Plain Ol’ Uterus

Dear POU,

The word “golden” precedes many wonderful things, like retriever, spoon, ring, egg, etc. Unfortunately, uterus is not one of these wonderful things. (It’s wonderful all by itself, however.) Just another instance of when words can be deceiving.  Kind of like, kumquat.

Women who suffer from golden uterus complex (GUC) are typically first wives with an overwhelming sense of entitlement and superiority, simply because they had children with said man – first. These women manipulate their children, ex’s, and ex’s partners, claiming it’s “for the sake of the children.” In a way, these women feel like royalty and snub other mothers and their children, especially if these other mothers are second wives.

You’d think a woman totting around a golden uterus (GU) would be mother of the year. Nope. Although GUs get the majority of their sense of self from being a mother, they’re actually quite poor parents. Women suffering from GUC tend to be highly confrontational, selfish, and abusive.

Women with GUC operate under a couple core beliefs. Firstly, that the child is a possession, her possession. When people view a person as an object, they don’t respect his/her boundaries, which is the case here. For example, if mommy hates daddy, then the child must hate daddy. GUs don’t allow their children to have feelings/thoughts of their own; these women think and feel for their children. They are one entity. GUs also believe they own the father of their children because of their “unique” ability to birth his children. They believe an episiotomy scar makes them the authority on anything and everything having to do with their children, and their parenting takes precedence over everything, including the father’s.

You say your husband’s ex-wife has GU, so I imagine you’re having a helluva time. You know she thinks of you as an intruder, right? And she thinks of her children and herself as a package. In other words, if your husband wants to have a relationship with his kid(s), Ms. GU, believes she’s part of that deal. In her mind, why wouldn’t she be? The kid(s) did come from her uterus after all. You don’t say if your man’s ex has a boyfriend or new husband. But, really, why would you? It’s none of your damn business. Well, that’s what she told you, right?

Besides staying out of a GUs personal life, you better not critique her either because anything you say will be viewed as an attack – either on her, her children, or her parenting. So, naturally, co-parenting is a complete nightmare. If you don’t parent in the exact same way as a GU, she perceives it as abuse. And, if you question something she implements, she’ll punish you with passive-aggressive behavior, like not letting you see the kids.

Some examples of tactics GUC sufferers use:

• A phone call in the middle of the night to work out the details of Sally’s ballet recital – that’s scheduled two months from now.
• Waking the kids up at night to talk or cuddle because, well, “It gets lonely.”
• Telling 10-year-old Jack, “Well, thanks to your dad, you’re the man of the house, now.”
• Saying, “My boyfriend knows, in the eyes of God, you and I will always be married.”

GUs are also known to commonly partake in a despicable act known as Mommy-blocking. This is when she attempts to keep the children from their father, either by criticizing how he cares for the children, or who he brings around the children (i.e. new wives).

In short, these women have traits of a personality disorder, want to alienate the other parent, and believe their needs come before anyone else’s, including their children’s.

So, what to do? Well, I find that when dealing with people with personality disorders or just those who are highly confrontational, setting boundaries is the most effective tool. So, learn to say no and mean it. Let her know what she can and can’t get away with. Also, have your husband do the majority of the dealings with her. And, if she ever disrespects you, he should aptly put her in her place.  Because she is damaging the children as well, you and your husband, together, should work hard to instill self-esteem and values in them.

Also, make sure you and your husband take time to de-stress. Spend some quality time together and have fun! We have plenty of toys to help you!

Best,
Meg

Ask Meg is a series in which a reader/customer writes our love expert, Meg, with a relationship/sex question. Kind of like Dear Abby, but with more sex! Meg has her master’s in clinical psychology, works as a crisis counselor and has over 15 years of experience in behavioral health, specializing in relationships and sex. If you have a question, email Meg at mkrein@fascinations.net.

This season, color is the new black. Really, ditch the monotonous black in favor of something a little, um, flashier. Not only will color get you noticed, it will boost your confidence and make you more alluring. But, of course, no two colors are the same. Just like in a bag of Skittles. Keep reading to find out what the color of your lingerie says about your relationship, love life, and you.

Red:  This is the most intense color and signifies passion, energy, and love. People who wear red tend to be full of energy, vibrant, and have high self-esteem, making them savvy lovers. In other words, they’re not shy between the sheets.

Pink: Donning a pink babydoll? Well, then “Fifty Shades of Grey” is probably on top of your nightstand, because pink is the color of romance and fantasy. It’s also a gentle, approachable color. Bring it on!

Blue: A lot of things in nature are blue, like the sky, the ocean, etc., which makes blue a very tranquil color. Nature calms people, so naturally blue does too. Dress up in a blue corset and you’ll have your partner calmly cuddling in your arms in no time. I say partner, singular, because blue-lovers, are very loyal peeps.

Green: Like money, the color green provokes feelings of power and vitality. Green makes people feel secure and relaxed. If you’re into BDSM, green might be the color you want to brandish. Along, with that flogger, of course.

Purple: Think you should be treated like a queen? Then, adorn yourself in the color of royalty. Besides being a majestic color, purple is known for its sophistication, femininity and romantic appeal.

Orange: Do you like, nay, need attention? If so, orange is your color. Orange people like to be stimulated – both intellectually and sexually.

Hi Meg,

I was watching the news the other morning and saw the segment you were in about sex and health benefits.  I don’t know if this is the kind of question you could help me with or not, but I have been married for almost five years now, and my wife and I don’t have a healthy sexual relationship. We have sex, but she rarely enjoys it and never seems to climax.  She has never climaxed according to her. She says sex just isn’t that important.  I believe that she would feel differently about if she could reach climax.  It seems like when she does enjoy it she just gets close, but can’t get over the edge.  Also, her clitoris is extremely sensitive to the touch. I’m at a loss. I really want to share this with her. If you could show me the way I would be in your debt.

Sincerely E.

Dear E:

Sex is a huge part of a marriage, so this issue must be incredibly frustrating for you. Wanting “to share this with her” tells me how much you want to please your wife and how much you must love her. That’s a great start.

What your wife has is known as Female Orgasmic Disorder (FOD). Ten percent of all women are diagnoses with this disorder, so she’s not alone. There are two types of FOD: Primary, meaning the woman has never achieved orgasm, which, according to you would be the type your wife has. And, Secondary, meaning the woman has, at one time, been able to reach the big O. Unfortunately, Primary FOD is the most difficult to treat.

So, what causes FOD? Well, several things. Let’s run through them:

• Trauma: Any woman who has been sexually abused is at risk for emotional/psychological/sexual problems. Feelings of guilt and shame can make a sexual abuse victim feel sexually inadequate, which in turn can greatly affect her sex life.
• Comfort: How comfortable with sex is your wife? A lot of women, whether for religious or cultural reasons, were taught sex is “bad”. So, if she feels shame about the act, it will definitely interfere with her ability to climax. Also, is she comfortable with her body? Body-image issues can cause anxiety during intercourse and impede orgasm.
• Medications: If your wife is taking antidepressants, anti-anxiety medications or medications to lower blood pressure, they make be affecting her ability to reach orgasm.
• Substances: Excessive amounts of booze or illicit drugs will do a number on anyone’s ability to climax.
• Relationship: How good is your marriage? Does your wife feel pressure from you to climax? If so, this will cause anxiety, creating a vicious cycle. When having sex with someone with this issue, the environment should be relaxed. Also, are there any resentment issues? Women can hold emotions /feelings in which have a tendency to manifest sexually.
• Control: Does she have control issues? Some women correlate having an orgasm with a losing control, like they’re letting go of something or giving something away.
• Pelvic Floor Prolapse: This happens when the muscles that support the pelvic organs loosen. There are several causes of prolapse: childbirth, aging, surgery and spinal cord injury. One way to gauge if your wife is suffering from this: she experiences a frequent urge to urinate and complains of pressure in the vagina or rectum.

I suggest talking to your wife about the above and see if any resonate with her. Treatment depends on which ones strike a chord with her. Below are some of the most common:

• Therapy: This is especially advised if your wife is a victim of sexual abuse. If not, you, as a couple may benefit from sex therapy.
• Kegel Exercises: If your wife suffers from pelvic floor prolapse, she should strengthen her pelvic muscles.
• Medication Change: See a doc and get a med change if meds are the root of the issue.
• Communicate: For any healthy relationship, communication is the best tool. So, if your wife is feeling uneasy about sex, whether it’s due to body-image issues or religious reasons, ask her to talk to you about them.
• Hormones: Sometimes hormones, such as synthetic testosterone can cure this pesky problem. Of course, your wife’s OBGYN will be able to advise her on this.

Best,

Meg

Ask Meg is a series in which a reader/customer writes in to our love expert, Meg, with a relationship/sex question. Kind of like Dear Abby, but with more sex! Meg has her master’s in clinical psychology, works as a crisis counselor and has over 15 years of experience in behavioral health, specializing in relationships and sex. If you have a question, email Meg at mkrein@fascinations.net.

Meg,

I saw you on Fox 10 News this morning and thought I’d ask you…

My wife has little to NO sex drive at all.  I love her dearly, but as a typical male, I would like to be intimate with her a couple times a month.  As we are approaching almost a year now, I wonder if there are options for her to increase that missing drive.  Now I can’t avoid some of the blame as I could be more attentive to her needs and focus more on her love language, but I still wonder if she has a lack of a certain hormone or something.  She could go for years without sex and it wouldn’t bother her.  Me on the other hand; it’s driving me nuts.

Advice?

J.D.

Dear J.D.

Firstly, thanks for tuning in and taking the time to write me.

Now, for the important stuff. If I take only the information that you provided, it sounds like your wife is suffering from Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD), which is very real and classified as a sexual dysfunction disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders IV (DSM). The essence of HSDD is the lack of desire for sexual activity and the distress it’s causing – both of you.

I say, “take only the information that you give me” because there may be a slew of other things going on here. We must first rule out other possibilities. When a woman’s sex drive dies, emotions are usually to blame. So, if your wife is going through an emotional time, is stressed out, or anxious about something, this could be why her libido is lacking. Is your wife taking antidepressants? These babies are notorious for slaughtering sex drives around the world. If she’s on one with loss of libido listed as a side effect, she can easily speak to her doc and talk about getting a med change.

Other substances – legal or illegal – can impact sex drive. In particular, anti-seizure medications, beta-blockers, anti-psychotics, and of course alcohol and illicit drugs can do a number on a lady’s libido. Speaking of medications, is your wife physically healthy? Diabetes, hypertension, arthritis and other medical illnesses can kill sex drive.

You mention that you two are newlyweds, so I’m assuming your wife is on birth control pills, or at least has been in the past. Well, if her pills contain both estrogen and progesterone, you may have found the culprit. Pills containing both of these hormones increase sex-binding globulin which is a protein in the blood stream that binds with testosterone. As I’m sure you’re aware, testosterone is one of the key hormones linked to desire and has a direct impact on a woman’s libido.

As noted above, hormones are incredibly powerful.  And, as you suggest, your wife may have a hormone-related issue. I’m not sure how old she is, but menopause may be a possibility. It is considered the most common cause of decreased libido. During menopause, estrogen levels plummet, causing a lower interest in sex and vaginal dryness.

If your wife is grossly underweight or malnourished, she could very well be harming her libido, as this too, affects hormone levels. Many underweight women are anemic, which again, affects sex drive.

It sounds like you’re in touch with your feminine side and are emotionally tuned-in to your wife as you mentioned “love language.” I don’t hear a lot of men refer to that, so props to you! But, as I touched on above, your wife could be experiencing some emotional “stuff.” Sexual trauma is a huge issue in women with no sex drive, for obvious reasons. Also, her body image may be suffering. With the pressure and expectations from our culture for women to look a certain way, many women suffer from body image issues, so check in with her and make sure she feels beautiful and sexy.

Lastly, how’s your marriage? Are there any unresolved relationship issues in regard to trust, intimacy, or communication, etc.? If a woman is struggling, internally, with such an issue, the problem may manifest sexually.

Keep us posted and best of luck!

Best,

Meg

Ask Meg is a series in which a reader/customer writes in to our love expert, Meg, with a relationship/sex question. Kind of like Dear Abby, but with more sex! Meg has her master’s in clinical psychology, works as a crisis counselor and has over 15 years of experience in behavioral health, specializing in relationships and sex. If you have a question, email Meg at mkrein@fascinations.net.

Hi Meg,

So, in the past I’ve had a huge problem with premature ejaculation and I feel like it has ended some of my better relationships. I never know what to tell girls or what to do after it happens because I am so embarrassed and it’s just super awkward. I guess I could really use some advice on how to approach girls with this and some ways that I could make myself last longer, permanently.

Thanks,

D

Dear D:

Whenever I feel embarrassed about something or find something “super awkward” I address it – openly. I’ve found that people respond favorably to this method and it tends to lighten the mood. And, believe me; I’ve had plenty of these experiences. Clearly, I’ve never had the issue of premature ejaculation (PE) though, but I can appreciate the humiliating aspect.

As a clinician, I’ve diagnosed plenty of patients with this condition. PE is coded in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV) as a sexual dysfunction disorder. This sounds much more serious than it is. But, let me quote something straight from the manual, “Premature Ejaculation may create tension in a relationship. Some unmarried males hesitate to begin dating new partners out of fear of embarrassment from the disorder.” Sounds like you can relate, huh?

You don’t mention the onset of your issue, which is important. But, because you use the term “girls” I’m going to gather that you are younger. And, by younger, I’m assuming maybe in your late teens to early 20’s. I’d also be interested to know if you’ve ever ejaculated normally. Typically, premature ejaculation (PE) is seen in younger males and is present from their first attempt at intercourse. Conversely, men who have normal sexual function for a period and then develop PE, anxiety is usually the culprit. When I say anxiety, I’m talking severe performance anxiety. Some men develop intense anxiety when getting frisky with a new partner. I mean, it is stressful. Of course, there are other possibilities, such as erectile dysfunction (ED) or substance abuse (ex: men who suddenly stop drinking booze regularly may develop PE because they depended on the alcohol to delay orgasm instead of behavioral methods).

Okay, so now, how to stop it. Well, if you’ve determined it’s performance anxiety you’re suffering from, you need to communicate it, whether it’s to the girl(s) you’re dating or a therapist. Talking – about anything – helps.  Men, often times, hold things inside. Don’t do this. Find someone safe to talk to and get a few things off your chest. Another option: self-help books. There is a ton of literature on this topic. Utilize it.

So, how do your pelvic muscles feel? For various reasons, men are less likely to release pelvic tension. Often times, sex can cause you to tighten these muscles, by holding your breath or flexing ab muscles, which contributes to PE. Stretching these muscles out will be helpful. Try yoga, swimming or other relaxing, elongating activities. You can never go wrong with a massage, either. Not only will this relax and loosen you up, it may ease any anxiety you feel about your own body. When we allow someone else to touch us so intimately and openly, we’re allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and becoming more comfortable with ourselves and our body images.

You should also try Kegel exercises. These babies aren’t just for the ladies! They will completely strengthen your pelvic region. The start-stop method is also good practice. Basically, you just masturbate yourself to the brink of orgasm and then stop. I know it sounds like waterboarding, but just think of it as a training regimen.

Sexual positions can also influence PE. Missionary is the position most correlated with PE. This is because muscular tension increases in the man’s body as he supports his body weight with his arms and core strength. So, spice things up! Try doggy style or toss your girl on top.

You can also try desensitizing creams, or masturbating before sex. But, if premature ejaculation continues, please seek medical advice.

Best,
Meg

Ask Meg is a series in which a reader/customer writes in to our love expert, Meg, with a relationship/sex question. Kind of like Dear Abby, but with more sex! Meg has her master’s in clinical psychology, works as a crisis counselor and has over 15 years of experience in behavioral health, specializing in relationships and sex. If you have a question, email Meg at mkrein@fascinations.net.

I don’t care who you are, you’ve heard about the erotic novel “Fifty Shades of Grey”. It’s a fantasy phenomenon. If you haven’t been drooling over the graphic sex scenes on your Nook, you’ve heard about them on The Today Show, MSNBC, CNN, and now Dr. Oz.  This “mommy porn” as it’s referred to, is really just a love story with a BDSM twist. Of course, “Fifty Shades” is classified as Twilight fan fiction, so fantasy is heavily involved, which leads me to believe this is why women are so taken with this book. Well, that and the hero of the story, Christian Grey.

So, why did women fall absolutely head over heels for a Dominant? Well, here’s why:

• Protective: Women need to feel protected, physically AND emotionally. We need to feel safe to share our feelings, thoughts, secrets, fantasies, etc. Christian is strong, powerful and protects Ana (heroine of story). He hires security, buys her a safe car, and is faithful to her (sexually protects her).
• Successful: Not just monetarily, either. Men can have lots of money, but without goals or ambition, there really is no success. Christian is an entrepreneur and created great success for himself. He’s young and works hard.
• Decisive: I can’t think of anything more annoying than when, on a date, a man says, “Hmm…I don’t care. Where do you want to go?” or “It’s up to you,” or “Whatever time works for you.” Women want men who take control and have an opinion. We may want men to think we’re the boss, but really we don’t want to be. Many of us make huge decisions at work, so it’s nice to have decisions made for us, after hours. Christian knows what he wants, and what Ana wants.  He orders for her, moves her into his home, tells her what time he’ll pick her up, etc. He famously says to her, “Come.” Quite the double entendre.
• Confident: Women need to feel like they can lean on their man, like a rock. It makes us feel comfortable and trusting. A man who can adapt to different social situations, is sophisticated, and comfortable with himself gives us that feeling. Christian is proficient in many different things (sailing, flying, business, lovemaking) and knows how to handle himself in diverse situations. He is also very well known, respected, and gets what he wants.
• Humor: Life is too serious to take seriously. We all need someone to laugh with.  Christian has a sense of humor (although it is Ana who gets him to show it.) He is also imperfect, which makes him more human and relatable.

The other part of this book that is a huge draw to women is the fantasy piece. But, why? Keep reading for the reasons women fantasize.

• Autonomy: We have this need for autonomy (self-management and choice). Today, women have a lot of power and control at both, work and home. We’re under pressure and stressed. We’d love to relax, but giving up that control is scary.  Fantasy is a non-threatening way to do so.
• Control: Giving up complete control involves trusting someone – completely. When is the last time you did that? When you were a baby? Imagine letting some dude tie your limbs to the bedposts and blindfold you, or telling a man your deepest, dirtiest, darkest secret. What feelings overcome you? Panic? Fear?
• Trust: Fantasies take us to a place where we can completely let ourselves go and trust someone – fully. It’s really what people are after; what we are all striving for. We all want to be taken care of, in some part of our life. No one can do everything alone.
• Escape: Life can be ugly. A lot of women fantasize because they’re going through divorces, have horrible jobs, are getting abused, are bored, whatever. Fantasy is a form of coping, stress relief.

One woman may drink a few martinis to unwind, another may snort a line of coke to deal with her rough day, another may blow $4,000 in an hour at Nieman Marcus, while yet another may fantasize to cope with life. Heck, some women may do all of the above! Either way, fantasy provides relief and makes us feel good.

If you’re familiar with “Fifty Shades” and/or fantasy, think about the feelings that surge through your body while you’re reading the words in the books. Excitement? Enthusiasm? Arousal? Order all three books from Fascinations today!  Hurry, because they’re flying off our shelves.

Hey Meg,

I’m hoping you can lend some professional advice for a very painful situation. My boyfriend and I recently started having sex (we’ve been together for months, but held off for various reasons) and have encountered some major problems. He and I are on complete opposite sides of the spectrum – size wise – to the point that I tear pretty badly even with lube. We’re using JO women H2O and love it since it’s pharmaceutical and water-based, which is essential for my sensitive skin, but in this case it barely even takes the edge off. I naturally run tight and dry with little sensation as it is. Can you direct us to any exercises or other products we can try to help make sex actually enjoyable for me? We would really appreciate some help!

-Feeling Sensitive

Dear Sensitive:

First off, props on holding off on the super intimate part of your relationship. Sounds like this dude is a keeper! You mention “size wise” you’re on different ends of the spectrum. Well, I can only assume that he’s rather well-endowed and you’re in the “tighter” range. Either way, you both have been blessed.

Okay, so now to the problem: you’re tearing. That should not be happening, especially since you are using an excellent lubricant. Good sex should not cause pain. I can only gather that since you are lubing up, you are also taking the time for foreplay – a woman typically needs about 20 minutes of this warm-up activity before she’s ready for the feature presentation.

Trauma affects sexual activity. So, if you are a victim of sexual abuse, it may be affecting your relationship with sex and hindering you from getting excited, which would definitely explain the dryness/tearing. It totally makes sense: the perception of sex from a survivor of sexual abuse is completely skewed (justifiably so).

If trauma isn’t the case, there are different sexual positions you can try to make yourself more comfortable, so you can control the speed and the depth of the penetration (you riding him is best and runs the lowest risk for tears.) Fascinations carries several books that educate on exciting, innovative positions!

If neither of the above resonates with you, I seriously recommend speaking to your OBGYN about this issue. As I mentioned earlier, tearing/ripping is not normal and sex should not be painful.

Please keep us posted and best of luck,

Meg

Ask Meg is a series in which a reader/customer writes in to our love expert, Meg, with a relationship/sex question. Kind of like Dear Abby, but with more sex! Meg has her master’s in clinical psychology, works as a crisis counselor and has over 15 years of experience in behavioral health, specializing in relationships and sex. If you have a question, email Meg at mkrein@fascinations.net.

Meg:

Hi my name is Jessica. I have a question for you. My husband is 39-years-old and has very little interest in sex. We have been together for about 4 years. When we met he hadn’t had sex in a very long time, so he was horny as hell for a while, then it faded. Now, there is no foreplay at all – in or out of the bedroom. We go straight to oral sex, but it’s only about once a week; sometimes once every two weeks and I need to beg him for sex. We have awesome sex when we do have it though. Both of us have awesome orgasms and afterward we say how good it was. Then we go another week or two. I am 31 and have never had such great sex so I would love to have it at least three times a week. I know he is not cheating on me as he has NO time to do that with work and coming home to a 2-year-old and me. And I know him well enough to know he has no interest in other women. He is a good man and HATES drama and he knows that would bring drama. Anyway, I used to think this issue was all me and that he wasn’t attracted to me for some reason or another, so I would ask him and he would say if he wasn’t attracted to me he wouldn’t have sex with me or even be with me. He just says he lost his sex drive. I hate it but I am slowly learning to live with it. But, sometimes I get super horny and attack him, but he gets angry if he doesn’t want it. Even if I try and give him a blow job, he gets mad ‘cause he says he’s too tired. Please help me. I don’t know what to do.

-Jessica

 

Dear Jessica:

I feel for you Jessica. Lack of sex drive is scary for men, mostly, because it’s not that common. It affects about 16% of men, compared to about 32% of women. It’s linked to sexuality, so men find it rather threatening. As far as resolving the situation, it sounds like you’re on the right track – you’ve addressed your concerns with your husband. No one, man or woman, likes to talk about loss of libido, so kudos. Now, it’s time to take some action. Writing to me is the first step; however I can’t toss some fairy dust in your direction and make everything all better, because loss of sex drive is a very complex problem. But, I can help you rule out some possibilities of what’s going on here.

• Drugs: Is he on any? I’m talking psychotropic, medical, even illegal. They can all have an effect on sex drive, especially drugs that treat depression and high blood pressure. Ask your mister to talk to your doctor; he can prescribe alternate medications.

• Stress: Does he have bags under his eyes? Are his cortisol levels higher than the elevation at Humphreys Peak? You mention that your husband doesn’t have time to cheat on you, “with work and coming home to a 2-year-old and me.” Really, that’s a good thing, but not if he is too exhausted to enjoy any alone time.

• Erectile Dysfunction: Has your husband ever experienced this issue? If so, it can be utterly humiliating and instil fear in him in regard to performance. It’s just a damn vicious cycle.
  

• Happiness: You say you have an amazing relationship, but how does he feel? Is he repressing something in fear of how you’ll respond? Or, perhaps you two are too close. Too much of anything creates a problem. If you were given chocolate cake every day for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for a month, how much would you really want to eat it on day 31? Also, many men find it difficult to eroticize the mother of their children. It can feel too regressive and incestuous. This might be an area to explore – on a therapist’s couch.

• Performance Anxiety: Is he a perfectionist, wanting to please you each and every time, just so? That’s a lot of pressure, you know. Or does he worry about climaxing too soon? The mind plays a crucial role in sex, so if it’s occupied analyzing stuff, there’s bound to be trouble.
  

• Health: Does he have an unknown medical condition? Depression, diabetes, cancer, heart disease will all peter out a man’s sex drive, either by dulling thoughts of sex or reducing blood flow to the penis. A doctor can check out all your man’s parts.
  

In the meantime:  

• Ask your hubby to see a doctor and/or see a marriage/sex therapist together
  
• Ask him to get active in a sport with or without you. Getting the blood flowing will help!
  
• Have no expectations – what will happen, will happen
  
• Explore fantasies
• Talk. Not about the weather, either…
  
• Go out and have fun, to parties, to dinner, the movies, etc.

Ask Meg is a series in which a reader/customer writes in to our love expert, Meg, with a relationship/sex question. Kind of like Dear Abby, but with more sex! Meg has her master’s in clinical psychology, works as a crisis counselor and has over 15 years of experience in behavioral health, specializing in relationships and sex. If you have a question, email Meg at mkrein@fascinations.net.

Meg:

I have a problem. The last two nights, I woke myself up with an orgasm. I sleep alone, am not dating anyone, and don’t remember dreaming about a hot guy or anything. I don’t get it. I’ve heard of this happening to men, but not women. What’s going on? Am I normal?

-Ms. Uh-O

 

Dear Ms. Uh-O:

You are so lucky – and completely normal. What you’re having is called a nocturnal orgasm, also referred to as a spontaneous orgasm. What men have are called wet dreams. These two are not completely comparable as men ejaculate during their dream, women rarely do.

What’s going on? Well, something in your mind. These mysteries are linked to the brain, meaning your thoughts, including whatever’s hiding out in your subconscious. So whatever you’re thinking, don’t stop.  Nocturnal orgasms typically occur when your body enters a state known as REM (rapid eye movement), which is when your dreams are the most vivid.

Just so you know, you’re not alone: 40% of women have had a nocturnal orgasm by the age of 45. Men average out at around 80%. I know, life’s not fair

Keep on dreaming,

Meg

Ask Meg is a series in which a reader/customer writes in to our love expert, Meg, with a relationship/sex question. Kind of like Dear Abby, but with more sex talk! Meg has her master’s degree in clinical psychology, works as a crisis counselor and has over 15 years of experience in behavioral health, specializing in relationships and sex. If you have a question, email Meg at mkrein@fascinations.net.

A couple of weeks ago, I posted an article entailing things not all women give a hoot about, in regard to men.  Well, it seems only fair if I do the same for the ladies. We women tend to obsess about things that men really couldn’t care less about. While we’re busy worrying what he’s thinking about our jewelry and manicure, he’s wondering if he’ll have time to have sex with us before the guys come over to watch the game and Tom better not forget to bring a 12-pack of Miller Lite. Below are five things that, generally speaking, don’t really matter to your man.

1. Your hair and nails – I could have put my three unborn children through college by now with the amount of dough I’ve spent on lushing up my locks and glamorizing my nails. All fruitless attempts at impressing men. And why? Most of them didn’t notice or give a damn. If anything, I’ve found that men prefer simplicity, which is happy news for my pocketbook.
2. Your accessories – Sure, men like a little bling, but they don’t want Lady Gaga hanging on their arm. Ladies, the hula hoop earrings, Mr. T. necklaces and weapon like rings are overkill. Men do notice eyes, however, so if you want to draw a little attention to yours, click here. Also, a little jewelry is nice. Check out some real gems from Fascinations!
3. If you gained seven pounds – We go through years of therapy trying to develop a healthy relationship with our bodies, while men instantly love our curvaceous tushes and tummies. Those seven extra pounds you put on while cooking him dinner every night, well, they mostly go unnoticed. He really doesn’t think your butt looks too big in those jeans; in fact it’s probably one of the reasons he’s with you. And, he doesn’t mind that your tummy is a little soft. He just wants to see you naked.  Or, in some of Fascinations’ steamy lingerie!
4. Designer clothes – Most men have no idea what BCBG stands for. They probably think it’s some sort of code for a computer program.
5. Asymmetrical breasts – Men understand perfection doesn’t exist in this world, including your breasts. So as long as you’ve got a pair, he’s a happy camper. Just make sure you tuck your girls into some sexy bras – check out what Fascinations has to offer!

*Of course, I’m generalizing and realize that some of these things are important to women because they make her feel good.

Hi Meg,

I am wondering, is it safe to use vibes and glass dildos if I get an IUD/birth control? I plan to get an IUD soon, but I want to make sure it’s okay to use these sex toys with it.

Thank you,

Tessa

 

Dear Tessa:

First of all, nice work on deciding to get an IUD. I absolutely love them and think they are way underrated and underused. Research has shown them to be 99% effective, when inserted properly. Let me take a moment to explain to those who don’t know: an IUD stands for “intrauterine device.” An IUD is a small, T-shaped contraceptive device inserted – by a medical professional – into the uterus. There are two different types of IUDs: the ParaGard and the Mirena. The Mirena releases hormones, whereas the ParaGard does not.

Okay, now for the good stuff. Most sex toy use is perfectly okay with an IUD. That being said, there are some precautions to take. The toys that would cause you the most concern would be those with rotating features, such as the Rabbit. Either way, there’s a way around it.

As you know, IUDs have threads attached to the end of them. The shorter these threads are, the happier you’ll be. Your OBGYN can trim them to keep them out of your hair. I’m hearing 2cm to an inch is good, but of course, consult your doc. You can also wrap them around your cervix to get the pesky things out of your way.

If you’re concerned about using rather large toys, don’t be. If the IUD strings are short, the girth of the toy won’t be able to trap the strings against the vaginal wall by creating a traction-like pull on them. Of course, there is a risk of expulsion with IUDs; however it is usually not due to rowdy sex. So, don’t be shy! You mentioned wanting to use glass dildos, which would be a perfect option for you. And, you’re in luck, Fascinations has some amazing ones! Check them out and keep us posted.

Best,

Meg

Ask Meg is a new series in which a reader/customer writes in to our love expert, Meg, with a relationship/sex question. Kind of like Dear Abby, but with more sex talk! Meg has her master’s degree in clinical psychology, works as a crisis counselor and has over 15 years of experience in behavioral health, specializing in relationships and sex. If you have a question, email Meg at mkrein@fascinations.net.

Dating can be rougher than sandpaper. Men and women alike, stress over simple stuff that usually doesn’t really matter to the other sex. We try so hard to impress each other we forget to be in the moment and enjoy ourselves. Attention men: Below are five things that, generally speaking, don’t matter to most women.

1.  The size of your member – Most of us are intimidated by big cocks. The idea of having our insides probed by some gargantuan penis is not a turn on. It’s daunting. At the same time, we’re not exactly the delicate flowers we make ourselves out to be. I’m just saying, a girl does like a little girth. Our Facebook poll last week did prove this. So as long as you’ve got something to work with, we’re satisfied.  

2.  A rock hard body – In my early 20’s, I remember only dating men with a hot body. You know what I learned? Those men aren’t so great. In fact, a lot of them were extremely shallow. I suppose that’s what happens when most of your time is spent in a gym and not reading The NY Times. Sure, women appreciate an attractive body, but we don’t expect to find Ryan Gosling’s body underneath your clothes.

3.  A fat wallet – I’m not going to pretend money doesn’t help. I mean, it totally makes life easier and sometimes, more fun. But, it’s not everything. If you’re already an awesome guy, your Donald Trump sized bank account is a nice enhancement. But, if you’re a douchebag, all of your extra dough just makes you a douchebag with money.

4.  If you’re balding – As long as you don’t force the sparse strands that are still attached to your scalp into a ponytail, we won’t hate you for it.  I totally get wanting to savor what’s left of your locks, but trust me, it’s best just to get rid of it all at once. The in-between look is not okay. It’s depressing to see a man trying so desperately to hang on to the past. And get this, a lot of women love the Mr. Clean look. It can be sexy, sophisticated and rough, all at the same time.

5.  Your car – As long as that box with wheels has a place for us to sit and gets you from here to there, we’re impressed. We’re truly more interested in knowing that you’re capable of filling the tank with gas and change any flat tires. Seriously, I know a guy who always had his parents fill the tank.  One sure fire way to get us to turn up our noses at your car? Don’t open the passenger side door for us.

Hi Meg,

Got a question for you. What is the actual message a guy is trying to make when, at some point during EVERY date, he makes a comment about any given female being hot or having a good body? What is he struggling with? I’m talking a middle-aged man!

-Rachel


 

Dear Rachel:

What issues is he struggling with besides being a major douche? Well, insecurity for one. Any person who feels the need to go out of their way to make someone else feel bad has major self-esteem issues. He’s trying to knock you down and make you think you’re not all that (come on, we both know you are!) This way he feels superior. By announcing how sexy and bangin’ other women are, he’s hoping you’ll check yourself and thank your lucky stars he’s chosen to be with you instead of Big Boobs McGee who just strutted by. Don’t fall for it, sister!

In all reality, it’s he who doesn’t feel deserving of you. This is a lame attempt at securing a relationship with you. You know, so you won’t stray. As you mentioned, this man is middle-aged and should know better. So leave him to ogle away. In the meantime, go find yourself a chivalrous man who will tell only you how hot you are

Feel even sexier by shopping at Fascinations for some feel-good lingerie! We also have incredible toys to keep you tied over until the next deserving man comes into your life!

Best,

Meg

Ask Meg is a new series in which a reader/customer writes in to our love expert, Meg, with a relationship/sex question. Kind of like Dear Abby, but with more sex talk! Meg has her master’s degree in clinical psychology, works as a crisis counselor and has over 15 years of experience in behavioral health, specializing in relationships and sex. If you have a question, email Meg at mkrein@fascinations.net.

Meg:

Over the weekend, I went out with a few friends and ended up going home with one of the girls we were with. Through the course of the night we each only had about three beers. Anyway, we ended up sleeping together. I guess if you could call it that. I couldn’t really get that hard. Obviously she noticed and asked what was wrong. I pushed through and was able to finish. But I’m a little humiliated because I actually really like this girl. The next day she sent me a text saying, “No biggie.” The only other time this happened was when I was completely wasted. What was going on?   

- Feeling Low

 

Dear Low:

Assuming you’re not on any medications that can cause this type of side effect, I would say you were suffering from performance anxiety. Performance anxiety is a common sexual problem in which men and women develop a crippling fear when it’s time to get busy. This anxiety of not being able to perform is so overwhelming that it ultimately overtakes what should have been a spontaneous event.

Performance anxiety can be caused by a variety of factors, stress being the number one culprit. You’ll have to look within yourself to determine the root of yours. But, I’m willing to bet it’s the deep feelings you have for this girl. You said, “I actually really like this girl.” That tells me you typically don’t develop strong feelings for women. Perhaps in the past you’ve enjoyed flings or kept women at a distance as a means of self-protection. Whatever the case, may be it seems as though this one has your heart. Now you’ve just got to work on giving her your penis.

Here are a few tips:

• Take the pressure off of yourself.
• Remember you’re not alone – others suffer from this.
• Stay positive – use the mantra: “I’m the man” or create your own.
• You have complete control over your body. Enforce it.
• Believe you’re going to have great sex and you will.

Of course, let’s not rule out the effects alcohol may have played in this situation. Although alcohol is thought to be an aphrodisiac and used to get people in the mood; it often interferes in the execution process. Drinking too much booze causes the blood vessels in the penis to expand, allowing for more blood flow, but prevents those vessels from closing. So an erection may occur, but it most likely will not stay around for long because there isn’t anything to prevent backflow. Best bet: if you’re planning to have sex, keep it to one to two drinks.

Best,

Meg

Ask Meg is a new series in which a reader/customer writes in to our love expert, Meg, with a relationship/sex question. Kind of like Dear Abby, but with more sex talk! Meg has her master’s degree in clinical psychology, works as a crisis counselor and has over 15 years of experience in behavioral health, specializing in relationships and sex. If you have a question, email Meg at mkrein@fascinations.net.

We all know how much breaking up sucks. Rejection is devastating no matter which side of it you’re on. But, initiating it seems to be what really throws people into a frenzy. Hence the ridiculous lies we tell each other in order to slither out of a relationship…gracefully. Below are some of the most common break up fibs. If you’ve heard them, or spoke them out of your mouth, please share!

1.  “I think we need some time apart.” Time apart? More like a lifetime apart. People who toss this line out rarely get back together. What this really means is time apart from you. If people truly enjoy something or someone, they don’t want to be apart from it. For example, I never want to be separated from chocolate or wine – even in bed.

2.  “We’re moving too fast.” This just screams fear of commitment, which wouldn’t be an issue if the person truly dug you. He/she is now realizing the possibility of banging other people is no longer acceptable. What it boils down to is that having sex with just you isn’t good enough.  You are good enough. Feel even better about yourself with some sexy lingerie!

 3.  “I don’t like your friends” or “My friends don’t like you.” What are we, in junior high? So what if it’s not working between you and the friends. You’re not dating his/her friends. If your partner brings their posse into the mix, clearly they’re not independent and need outside approval. Maybe a BFF necklace too.  Fascinations does carry some stellar jewels….

4.  “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.”  This line is code for: You’re not hot anymore. The attraction fizzled and the urge to rip off your clothes and toss you on the kitchen counter has died. You’re now akin to the pesky little neighbor kid.

5.  “I’m just too busy for a relationship right now.” Um, people are never too busy for things that are really important to them. Come on, we’re adults, we know how to prioritize. This doozy means Xbox, friends, working out, and American Idol all come before you.

6.   “I like you too much it scares me.” This is like me saying I like pedicures too much so I need to stop basking in the bliss of a gifted Asian women rubbing my tootsies and transforming them into something presentable. Even though I unknowingly agree to some superfluous luxury every time, I will never stop getting pedicures – for no other reason than, they are amazing. If someone likes you too much, they should want to let your amazingness bubble all around them, and maybe even slather some paint on you every now and then.

7. “You deserve someone better.” More like, you deserve someone else. This is one is designed to try to make you feel better about yourself so you don’t hear the whole rejection part. It’s kinda like a chocolate covered espresso bean. The delivery appears all smooth and sweet, but hidden underneath is bitterness.  Get over that bitterness with a better than chocolate vibrator or the Real Touch.

Meg:

I’m a 38-year-old man who’s been dating a great woman for a few months. We have so a lot in common and have been spending a ton of time together. I met her kids and really like them. This just shows how much I’m into her. My dilemma is about sex. We haven’t had it yet, but it’s came close. So what’s the deal? I have herpes. I’m humiliated to tell her and I’m worried I’ll lose her. I know I have to tell her because I don’t want to put her at risk and I want to have an honest relationship.

-Stuck

 

Dear Stuck:

It must be really difficult to feel so strongly for someone, yet feel as though you need to hold back at the same time. Listen, there are all sorts of deal-breakers: violence, addiction, bad taste in movies, but herpes doesn’t have to be one of them. It’s apparent your feelings for this woman are reciprocal – she introduced you to her children. That’s a huge step. And you’re right – you must be honest. I’m sure it will be difficult, but I also bet it will be liberating. You know what else? Everyone has their “thing” or baggage. Take your girlfriend for example, she has children. They aren’t going anywhere – except maybe to school. They will always be around, popping up at inopportune times, inconveniencing both of you. Just like herpes. But, that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a healthy sex life. You just have to be smart and safe. I’m not going to insult you with a spiel about Valtrex and condoms.

If you’re still feeling uneasy, check this out: one in five adults has genital herpes, making it the most prevalent viral sexually transmitted disease. If the rate at which people are being infected continues, it’s predicted that nearly half of the U.S. population will eventually have genital herpes. And studies have shown that 80-90% of people who have herpes are undiagnosed. So by no means are you alone. Now go get something off your chest, just don’t do it with your pants off. Pick a time when your hormones aren’t raging to have the talk.

Best,

Meg

Ask Meg is a new series in which a reader/customer writes in to our love expert, Meg, with a relationship/sex question. Kind of like Dear Abby, but with more sex talk! Meg has her master’s degree in clinical psychology, works as a crisis counselor and has over 15 years of experience in behavioral health, specializing in relationships and sex. If you have a question, email Meg at mkrein@fascinations.net.

This morning I woke up to a lovely surprise. A friend left a homemade bracelet on my porch.  Gestures like that just make the sun shine a little brighter, you know? So, now I’m rocking a fab bracelet and silly smile. My new jewels got me thinking – about romance and the fine line that lies between sweet and syrupy overkill. Well, that and the fact that Valentine’s Day is less than a week away. This “holiday” is quite tricky, for both genders, but I think especially for the guys. Let’s admit it ladies, we – along with Lifetime TV – give mixed signals. Let me help. Below are five romantic gestures that will go unappreciated.

Flowers, stuffed animals, and such: A guy I dated a few years ago was like a fudge frosted triple chocolate layer cake. He was too rich and I don’t mean in the dollar bill kind of way.  Every time he picked me up, he would hand me a red rose for whichever number date we were on. I felt like I was on a bizarre version of The Bachelor. On our third date, when he showed up with three roses, I was out. Maybe it would have been different if he had chosen a different color rose for each date. Nah, probably not. Point is, it was too much. Most girls dig flowers – in their garden. I mean, who wants their living room taking on the appearance of a funeral home? Besides, flowers die. How about getting her something longer lasting like the Panty Rose Display.

Serenading: The ole cliché about women offering up their undergarments to rock stars might have some truth to it. But really, if you can’t hold a tune or strum a string, do us all a favor and stick to stroking your PlayStation. Instead of making everyone uncomfortable with a schmaltzy rendition of Joe Cocker’s You Are So Beautiful, take her to listen to some live music. And if you really can’t stifle your inner Romeo, put a request in for her favorite song, and watch while she tears these off.

Ego Mania: It’s true; women adore a man who makes her feel safe. But, let’s not confuse protector with UFC fighter. So the waiter makes a crude remark while the two of you are at dinner; instead of going all gangster and stabbing him with your cocktail pick, how about backing him into a corner – with words. Or, just getting a good laugh out of it. You’ll look like a much bigger man, and get rewarded for it later.

Tattooing Love: I’m into tattoos, especially when a guy has a whole sleeve of ‘em. But, getting a woman’s name or face tattooed on you falls into a much different category. Like a permanent category. And, in some cases a scary category. Some of us will not feel flattered and may freak out and want our mommies, or maybe the police. Pulling out the “I love you” too soon, falls into this category as well. Wanna get artsy? Get the Love Is Art and you and your lover can create something totally unique and beautiful together!

Coupons: Homemade coupons for backrubs, dinner, chores, or whatever are not charming. I remember making these as a kid – for my mom – when I didn’t have an income or know any better. These things will eventually just get trashed, along with your pride. The Bedroom Bucks are much more sexy and sophisticated!

Ask Meg is a new series in which a reader/customer writes in to our love expert, Meg, with a relationship/sex question. Kind of like Dear Abby, but with more sex talk! Meg has her master’s degree in clinical psychology, works as a crisis counselor and has over 15 years of experience in behavioral health, specializing in relationships and sex. Fun facts about Meg: She once worked as a counselor in a men’s prison, judges people by their astrological sign, is addicted to exercise, and would give up a body part in exchange for a martini (shockingly, not dirty.) Okay, enough. Here’s our very first question:

 

Meg:

What are the top 10 questions women liked to be asked when first dating someone….and the top 5 no-no questions not to ask?

-A Curious Cat

Dear ACC:

Who cares what your date wants to be asked. What’s more important here is what you should be asking. I mean, a girl’s gotta protect herself out there, you know. Dating really is like a job interview – there’s a goal in mind. Most of us are searching for that potential partner to spend the rest of our life with, so the sooner you’re able to weed out the losers and psychos, the better off you are. At the same time, it’s important to keep in mind that any of these questions can, and most likely will be fired right back at you. So be prepared.

Knock yourself out with these questions:

1. What was the worst thing you ever experienced and how did you handle it?  A guy I dated in my early 20’s was not over his parents’ divorce that happened when he was 12. Seriously. He was still bitter and whined about it – nightly – while he threw back Bud Light after Bud Light. I didn’t see a future with us – only red flags. But, maybe your date has a legit situation, like the death of a family member or friend. That one probably deserves a pass.

2. Do you spend time alone…if so, how? It’s been my experience that people who don’t spend time alone are running from something, and it’s usually themselves. If someone constantly needs to be around others, there’s more going on underneath, most likely anxiety. It’s pretty cool when people are able meditate or sit with themselves and get to know who they really are. Because they’re more in tune with their body, they’ll be more apt to be in tune with yours as well, if you know what I mean.

3. What do you and your friends do when you hang out? My friend was recently asked out by a guy – he wanted her to go to an ugly sweater party, equipped with kegs, beer pong, and probably seven minutes in heaven. Who knows. The point is my friend is in her 30’s and a little past this college type behavior. What people do when they hang with their friends says a lot about who they are.

4. What do you do in your free time, when you’re not working? If she stammers and avoids eye contact it’s because she doesn’t have any free time. She’s always working. You will never see her. You’re probably on a lunch date right now. Of course, this could go the other way too – she may look at you uncomfortably because she’s thinking: Job? What job?  But, if she answers with some hobbies/interests that appeal to you, you can exhale. Just remember, though, that you don’t have to have everything in common. Partners are supposed to compliment each other, not compete with one another. If you both like dark meat chicken, who’s gonna eat the white meat? And I’ve witnessed things get ugly between athletes who date one another.

5. Have you ever had your heart broken? This question will give you some insight into her past relationships and how she coped. A girl who has had her heart pummeled has some humility, which is attractive. And if she answers no, she’s either a liar or she hasn’t lived enough. So, maybe it’s your duty to show her what it feels like. I’m just sayin’.

6. What makes you vulnerable? Seriously, few things are sexier than vulnerability. A real woman knows how to make herself be vulnerable. That goes for men too. Opening up can be a slow process, so getting an answer to this one may take time. Be patient.

7. What are your relationship deal-breakers? This is critical because, say, she hates cats. She’s allergic to them, in fact. And well, you own four and consider them your babies. This might be an issue. Some other deal-breakers might be if she doesn’t want children and you do, or she doesn’t like to be around alcohol and your best friend is a vodka tonic. It’s best to sort this stuff out now before any sort of feelings evolve.

8. What was your longest relationship? This is good to know so you can gauge her level of commitment. If she answers, “Six weeks.” You know where this is headed. On the other hand, if a number greater than one year falls out of her mouth, you know she can commit herself to more than just toenail polish.

 9. Is there any movie or book that has made an impact on your life? Her answer to this question will illustrate just how cultured she is and also give you some insight into her history and how she really ticks. This discussion can also digress into something more lighthearted, as the two of you simply talk about movies and books.

 10. What do you like about yourself? As humans, and in today’s society, we’re taught to be rather self-deprecating. Arrogance is frowned upon – as it should be. But, self-esteem is healthy. We should like ourselves as much as Stuart Smalley. So ask her what she does well, or her favorite attribute. If she can’t at least look you in the eye, smile and say, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.” Just walk away. No one wants to be around a Debbie Downer.

Tsk-Tsk questions to save for much later

1. So, how much dough do you bring in? This question just screams gold digger! Anyway, it’s none of your beeswax. A person’s income is personal, like how they style the hair in their downstairs area. You’ll find out when the time is right. So back off.

2. How many people have you slept with? No one tells the truth when asked this question anyway, so why bother? And, who really wants to know the answer? I mean, do you really hate yourself that much? While were on the topic of sex, don’t ask any weird sex questions either, like whether or not she’s had threesomes or how often she masturbates.

3. Why are you single? This question is infuriating. It insinuates something is wrong with her. It doesn’t matter why she’s single. Maybe it’s because she’s been focusing on her career, or maybe it’s because she just got out of a relationship and has been healing, or maybe it’s because she just hasn’t met anyone worth spending time with – until now. That’s right; she’s on a date with you, so shut up.

4. When do you wanna get married? Really, we just started dating and you’re planning our wedding already? This will freak a girl out faster than a “Saw” movie.

5. Why did your last relationship end? Sure, this one is important to know, but not when you first start dating someone. Obviously, past relationships are a touchy subject, so tread lightly. By bringing up her history with her ex, you’ll be dredging up all of those old memories and it’s anyone’s guess what might happen next. If you choose to do this anyway, make sure you have a shrink on speed dial.

Best,

Meg

*If you have a relationship/sex question for Fascinations’ love expert, email Meg at mkrein@fascinations.net. Of course, we’ll keep all your info confidential! 

The best thing about working at Fascinations during Valentine’s Day is seeing all the cute couples come in together, or separately, to get that special something for each other. While you can find hundreds of great gifts at Fascinations every day, if you have a Valentine’s theme in mind, you’re probably thinking about a plethora of hearts. Here are a few heart-themed gifts that are sure to show your partner that you love them, and then help you express that love in the bedroom.

There’s no need to start out super-kinky when it comes to a special Valentine’s gift, so if you’re looking for something romantic, the Kama Sutra Sweetheart Set is a fun and classy accessory to add to your bedroom. The set comes in either chocolate or strawberry and includes three edible items; body dust, body souffle (lotion), and body paint. The body paint is probably the most adventurous part of this set, as you can paint naughty things on each other, then lick them off, or paint the parts of your partner you like the most, then focus on licking all the body paint off them when the time comes. The other two items in the kit are good for getting your partner in the mood. Putting some edible body dust or lotion on your neck, or other parts you want kissed, is a discreet but straightforward way to show your partner where you would like to be kissed and licked.

It’s important to indulge all the senses when it comes to sex, and combining the senses of taste and sight can be an irresistible combination. After you put the body souffle or dust on, you might want to slip into something a little risque. The Revealing Hearts and Lustful Criss Cross Teddies by G-World definitely take hearts out of the realm of cheesy, and move them into sexy. Both of these teddies are detailed, so they don’t look trashy, but each place heart crystals or pasties right on the breasts, to focus your partner’s attention where you want it. Or if your idea of wearing something sexy doesn’t involve lingerie, the Heart Harness by Sportsheets is a durable harness that comes with a toy if you want to introduce your partner to harness play, or you can use your favorite Tantus of Vixen toy in it, if you’re just in the mood to incorporate some heart decor into your V-Day bedroom festivities. Once you’re done licking the body paint off each other, or removing your sexy lingerie, it’s time to get hot and heavy, but why not continue with the heart theme for the rest of the evening?

If you want to get in the best position every time, the Liberator Heart Wedge is super cute and has the added benefit of aiding in better g-spot, or p-spot, stimulation, deeper penetration, and reducing the amount of fatigue that often comes with having to support yourself with just your hands, knees, and feet during sex. All liberator products are designed to help with these three things (and most people can come up with a few other creative uses too). If you’ve been lusting after a Liberator product, but aren’t sure if it’s for you, the Heart Wedge make an awesome beginner product because it’s small and affordable. Also, the heart design makes it a perfect gift for your Valentine.

Of course, making your Valentine’s experience complete wouldn’t be possible without some fun toys to incorporate into the bedroom. For boys, the Tenga Heart Egg (in-stores only) is a simple disposable masturbation sleeve that is easy to slide over the penis to spice up any hand job. For the ladies, the Fresh by Leaf may not come in traditional heart colors, but if definitely looks like the organ of love. The Love-Vibe is also a good option if you’re going for obvious love this Valentine’s Day. This toy is sparkly and has hearts all over the surface for added texture. If you’re looking to round off your Valentine’s night with some heart-shaped toys, these will do just fine. And don’t forget, you can always add a heart-shaped box to your gift, so you have somewhere to put your toys in when you’re done.

While a lot of people have Valentine’s fatigue due to the excessive amount of pink, red, and hearts everywhere, you can reclaim the idea of heart-shaped gifts, and transform them into a fun night in the bedroom. Besides, it’s a lot more fun to get a heart full of sexy body paint, or a heart that can be used for better sex positions, than a cardboard heart filled with generic chocolate candy.

There’s nothing wrong with being single, but come on, let’s face it, with Valentine’s Day right around the corner, being part of a couple is nice. Sometimes we’re alone because we actually want to be. Other times, however, it’s because dating freaks us the hell out, so we hide in our singledom like the Sock Monster hides in the dryer. Nothing wrong with hiding out for a little while, but it becomes a problem when you lose yourself in a bowl of cookie dough and cat hair. Check out the signs of being single too long, below.

1.  No standards:  We’d all like to pride ourselves on high standards. But when you’ve gone without any sort of action for a prolonged period of time, the word standard, quite frankly, has no meaning. The malodorous, homeless person roaming the library or the stoned, aimless drifter on the light rail actually starts to look appealing.  *Get a grip. Keep your head and your standards high. You will regret this decision and it will come back to haunt you. I promise.

2.  You cyber-stalk your ex: You plug your exes’ names into Google, including social networking sites, like Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter hoping to give mouth to mouth to a romance that’s been dead for eight years. *Do not torture yourself. Your relationship didn’t survive for a reason and you only want it back now because you’ve got nothing else going on. Step away from the computer. Call a friend. Take a shower. Turn on some music. Exercise. Whatever. Just remember, you’re exes for a reason.

3.  Paranoia: When someone smiles at you or gives you the once over, you automatically assume (s)he’s eyeing your cameltoe or smirking at your moobs. Because you’ve been out of the dating scene for so long, your confidence has shriveled like a prune and you’re oblivious to all the flirtatious happenings surrounding you. *Act like a swan, baby, and you can attract anyone.

4.  Bitter: When your friends of the opposite sex ask how you’re doing, you don’t hold back. You tell them how much their gender sucks, how you’ve been screwed over time and time again, and how you just want to find someone nice. Why can’t you find someone nice? Well, probably because people aren’t going to stick around to hear how terrible they are. *Maybe the problem lies inside? Have you been severely hurt by a past relationship? Did and ex’s infidelity cause you to be distrustful? Do some self-evaluating and see what’s holding you back. Once you do, you’ll feel so much lighter – and happier!

5.  You toy around with the idea of switching teams: And, I’m not talking about who you’re rooting for during the Super Bowl. After being single for so long, you may start to question your sexuality. It feels like you’re not making a connection with men, so maybe you were meant to be a lesbian? Or vice versa. *Most likely, you’re just in a rut.

6.  You’re nitpicky: You find something wrong with every person you date. And we’re not talking valid concerns, like a 450 pound, unemployed, thrice divorced, rage-aholic. No, you will cut a potential loose for reasons of no merit: her nostrils are uneven, he eats his fries before biting into his burger, her parents didn’t go to college or he drive a Honda. *When we judge others, we’re usually judging ourselves. What’s going on here is that you’re petrified of dating, so rather than do it, you get out of it by finding things wrong with your dates. I get it. Dating is super scary business. But, so is being alone for the rest of your life, right? In the words of Nike: Just. Do. It. Really, you’ll be happy you did.

7.  You push people away like they’re lawnmowers: It can be hard to allow yourself to be vulnerable after not being close to someone for a long time. So when someone tries to get close, you push away. They try harder and you push harder. It’s a vicious cycle, really. You’re scared that when you finally do open yourself up, the person will leave you. *The only way you’ll ever have true intimacy is by sharing who you really are. It’s okay, you can go slow.

Get started on your dating life by feeling sexy in a corset or panties from Fascinations! Or, if you’re already part of a dating duo, hook your SO up with some fabulous Valentine’s Day gifts, like Shunga Chocolate Body Paint, Love is Art or the Heart Wedge!

While it can be fun to spoil your partner with things that are just for them this Valentine’s Day, it’s also fun to pick out gifts that are fun for both of you! Luckily, Fascinations carries tons of items that are made for couples to enjoy that will turn a typical Valentine’s Day into a spectacular one. While we all like to be selfless, when it comes to sex, mutual pleasure can be just as fun, and these gifts will definitely get used well beyond February 14th. So, if you’re looking for some awesome couple’s items this Valentine’s Day, or need a good excuse to get some fun things for you and your partner, this list is a good place to start.

We-Vibe 3

The We-Vibe 3 is the latest iteration of one of the most popular couple’s toys ever. This toy is made to be worn during sex, and vibrates on both sides. The smaller side inserts in the vagina and vibrates on the G-Spot, while the larger side rests on the labia and clitoris. The toy then sits in place during penetration and stimulates the penis during penetration as well. It was designed for straight couples, but there’s not reason this toy can’t be used by all couples, so don’t let that limit you. The design makes the toy a lot more intimate than the traditional vibrating cock rings because it keeps all the stimulation on the G-spot and clitiors, as opossed to a vibrating ring, which stops stimulating when the person wearing it moves away. There are a few great upgrades that make it well worth the investment. The We-Vibe 3 still charges like the previous models, but the charger no longer plugs in. instead, the toy sits in a dock, which plugs into the wall. This not only makes ite easier to charge, but makes it 100% waterproof and submersible. It also has more power that the previous, which is great, and comes with a wireless remote to control it with, which makes it easier to control during sex, or if you want to get really creative, your partner can wear it out while you keep the remote in your pocket or purse. Because of the design of the We-Vibe 3, it’s recommended to use it with some water-based lube.

System Jo 2 to Tango

A lot of times, spicing up sex is as simple as trying something different, and System Jo’s 2 to Tango lube duo is a good place to start. Similar to other couple’s lubes on the market, 2 to Tango includes a warming and a cooling lube that you can use together or seperately. The neat thing about this particular product is that one lube is silicone-based and one water-based, so they don’t mix together, meaning the guy’s lube stays with the guy and the lady’s lube stays with her. The silicone lube is the cooling one, and is “for her” and the water-based lube is warming (with a little bit of desensitizing thrown in) and is “for him.” If you’re not someone who wants to mix the sensations, the other advantage to buying the 2 to Tango is that you get a cooling and warming lube in a set for an affordable price instead of having to buy them seperately.

Love Is Art

This kit is an ultimate couple’s activity if you want to have a sexually adventurous Valentine’s Day. The Love is Art kit comes with a bed-sized canvass and hypoallergenic black body paint, so you and your partner can paint each other’s bodies however you would like. After you’re painted each other wherever you want, the whole point is to have some hot sex on top of the cnvass, so the paint transfers while you’re having a good time. When you’re all done rolling around with each other, you’ve created an abstract work of art that can be hung in your bedroom, or other room in your house, as a reminder of your lust for each other.

Liberator Throe

Off the bat, you might wonder what’s so great about getting a blanket for your partner for Valentine’s Day, which is what the Liberator Throe masquerades as to the naked eye. However, there is a lot more than meets the eye here, and you’ll soon find out why it’s an awesome gift for both of you. As with every Liberator product, the Throes are completely liquid resistant meaning that you can have sexy time on on top of one and then throw it aside when your done, and climb into a warm bed that’s free of excess lube, body paint, or wet spots. If you decide to get the Love is Art kit mentioned above and make an art project with your partner, you can lay the Throe down before you get down and dirty to make sure you don’t get any paint on your sheets or bedspread. Also, if you or your partner happens to be a squirter, or have particularly sloppy sex, you’ll never have to worry about laying down towels or changing the sheets again.

Lelo Lyla

If one of your favorite things to do is tease your partner until they’re practically begging to climb into bed with you, the Lyla is perfect. This chargebale remote wireless bullet is made for insertion, or it can sit in panties. Have your partner wear the bullet how they want, and keep the remote with you while you’re out on your Valentine’s date. Because the remote vibrates in sync with the bullet, you’ll know exactly what your partner is feeling and be able to tease them as little, or as much, as you want. Plus, once you get home, you can use the Lyla like a traditional bullet during foreplay. Lelo’s toys are virtually silent and well-made, so you don’t have to worry that someone will catch on to what’s going on. The Lelo Oden and The We-Vibe 3 are also wireless remote toys that charge and can work the same way.

While Valentine’s Day is often used as an excuse to spoil your partner, it’s sometimes more fun to get gifts that will be fun for both of you. At Fascinations, everything we carry is meant to enhance couple’s sex lives, so there are a lot of fun things to choose from that will stimulate and excite both of you this month. Plus, a fun toy or bedroom accessory is likely to get used much more often than a box of chocolates or neck tie will.

I’ve been asked, as well as done the asking, about how to know if it’s really love.  I’ve since realized if you have to ask, there’s no way it can be love. Because when you’re in love with someone, you just know, right? I mean, love changes everything, even your physiology – sometimes annoyingly so. But for those of you who insist on making sense of your emotions, I went ahead and broke down the drug’s intoxicating effects:

 

1.     You’re Manic: And I’m not just talking on Mondays – I mean all the time. Your body could use a serious dose of Lithium. You can’t sleep and you really don’t want to because you’ve got copious amounts of energy and you want to use all of it on your lovah; either watching them sleep or having sexy time. Your appetite is nil and food is the furthest thing from your mind. You just want to nibble on, well, you know.  Want to point fingers? Blame it on the elevated levels of dopamine and norepinephrine that have saturated your brain and lowered your serotonin levels.

2.       Rose Colored Glasses: Things that once mattered to you or you once thought of as relationship deal-breakers, no longer seem important. Maybe a divorcee was previously off-limits to you, but after Cupid lodged his arrow in your back, you’re open to the idea. Or maybe you were a commitment-phobe and marriage totally freaked you out, but now you can actually envision yourself walking down the aisle without having to soothe yourself with whisky or a therapy session afterward.

3.       You’re Awkward: The term “love bug” didn’t just slither out of nowhere.  When you fall for someone, it’s normal to feel nauseous, shaky, and flushed. You know, like you have some sort of weird virus. A lot of us revert back to our awkward teenage years, stammering all over ourselves, talking word salad, and leaving sweaty imprints behind.

4.       You Want To Be Better: You want to improve yourself and reach ah-mazing goals because it’s no longer just about you. It’s about “us” and “we” now.  You want to make this special someone proud because and they’re your motivation, in a way. Maybe it’s as simple as revamping your fashion style or maybe it’s a little deeper, like finishing your college degree, going up for that promotion at work, or maybe a spiritual endeavor.

5.       You Don’t Think About Anyone Else: Ryan Gosling who? Yeah, that’s right, when you’re in love the only person you want to be sexually and emotionally aroused by is the person you’ve fallen so deeply for. This romantic love evokes feelings of attachment, comfort, calmness, safety and security.

Show your significant other just how much you’re in love with a gift from Funlove.com this Valentine’s Day!

It’s pretty easy to know whether or not you’re an adventurous person who will jump onto a rollercoaster without signing a will and saying your last goodbyes. It’s also fairly easy to know if you’re an adventurous eater. You know, a person who braves the eats like Andrew Zimmerman.  The adventure line blurs right around where sex surfaces. This makes sense because sex can be very complicating. In other words, it can be difficult to determine whether you’re daring or demure, in the sack.

According to sex therapist, Ian Kerner, there are two types of people when it comes to sex: comfort creatures and thrill seekers. Comfort creatures like to keep sex in the confines of their homes, with one partner, and tend to stick to a few trusted positions. Thrill seekers, clearly, are the opposite. They get off on trying new positions, in new locations, and spicing things up with sex toys and different partners. In a perfect world, a couple of comfort creatures or thrill seekers would be together – all of the time – because they would be on the same sexual wave length. But, as we all know, we don’t live in a perfect world. So, how does it work when a thrill seeker and comfort creature want to hook-up?

Understandably, this is a common issue as most people don’t discover they’re mismatched until further into the relationship. Kerner attributes this to “infatuation hormones,” which mask any incompatibility there may be between the sheets. In other words, you’re so busy getting it on you don’t notice you’re into S&M and he’s into spooning until the infatuation begins to fade.  Which is where the trouble starts, and when you might look at your partner and think: Cuddling, again, really?

By no means do these different sexual types have to be a deal-breaker, though. After all, the brain is the utmost sexual organ. So express yourself with it and all will be good…with a little compromise.

While it’s much more fun to talk about the “do’s” of sex, there are some questions Fascinations associates are frequently asked that require a more nuanced explanation of why you should “just say no.” Vaginal tightening creams are one of the items we are asked for in our stores, and many people are confused when they find out that we don’t carry any tightening gels, creams or sprays. If you are interested in why Fascinations doesn’t carry these products anymore, or are thinking about trying a tightening cream, read the following information before making that choice.

The basic premise of a vaginal tightening cream is that it is applied inside the vaginal canal before intercourse, and as it takes effect, it causes the vagina to tighten. Over time, the effect wears off, so more cream must be applied. Extended use of a tightening cream does not permanently strengthen the PC muscles, or result in a “tighter” vagina. While the concept of tightening cream is appealing to many people, it’s important to question why our society feels the need to produce products that promote an unrealistic image of vaginas that doesn’t live up to reality. Additionally, the question of how these creams work brings up some safety and sexual health issues to be aware of.

Every person’s vagina is different in lots of ways including shape, color, hair (or lack-of), and tightness. Promoting an ideal that vaginas are only good if they are “tight” fails to acknowledge the diversity of different vaginas and creates a false ideal which creates insecurity in people who have vaginas, and unrealistic expectations in people who like vaginas. So, let’s get this out of the way here: No matter what you (or someone else’s) vagina looks or feels like, it’s awesome and shouldn’t be any other way. There has never been a universal vagina mold that all vaginas aspire to imitate, and however tight, hairy, or colorful your vagina is, it’s cool just the way it is. This is not to say that vaginas don’t change over time, and become less tight than they used to be; this is a fact of life, and is generally caused by weakened PC muscles due to childbirth or age. However, the use of a tightening gel isn’t going to solve these common health problems, and there is a much better long term way to strengthen the PC muscles, without the possible negative health effects.

Besides the more theoretical implications of the demand for tightening creams, it’s also important to understand how these creams work, and why they might not be the best choice if you want to strengthen your PC muscles. Almost all tightening gels and creams contain alum, which is the same ingredient in most deodorants. This means that every time you apply a tightening cream, it is “tightening” the vagina by absorbing all the natural moisture. This can mean pain with any sort of penetration (since there’s little to no natural lubricant), which doesn’t sound too fun. Additionally, alum has been known to irritate people who have sensitive skin, and can be painful if your body is not compatible with it. On a more serious health note, alum may contribute to an increased risk of Alzheimer’s, and while there is no conclusive link, it’s often best to avoid items that contain ingredients that might be bad for you, especially if you’re using that item internally, and if there are other alternatives available.

On a more economic note, it ends up costing a lot of money to keep buying a tightening gel for every sexual encounter, since it has no permanent effect, so you have to keep using it no matter what to keep the same results. Anyone can strengthen their PC muscles (which will help with vaginal tightness, orgasm control, and incontinence prevention) permanently by investing in a good set of Kegel Balls (like the Ami, or Smartballs) and some water-based lube. You can also use a graduated bar like the NJoy Fun Wand or Icicles No 8 to aid in the strengthening of the PC muscles as well. These toys have the added effect of permanently strengthening the vaginal muscles, meaning the results will be evident over time, and not something that lasts for a few minutes at a time. If you want more detailed information on PC muscle exercise, you can refer to our blog post here.

In the end, the short-term advantages of tightening gels don’t seem outweigh the other issues that may arise when using them, so it’s recommended to exercise your PC muscles the traditional way (with a Kegel bar or Kegel balls) that will lead to long-term health benefits and a happier sex life. Generally, if something seems like a quick fix to a sexual health concern, it’s probably too good to be true. Improving your sex life and/or sexual health almost always requires some time and energy.

1.       Biting: You are not acting out a seen from The Vampire Diaries, so simmer down. Men do not want their penis clamped between your teeth like a bite guard and women don’t want their lady flower or lady bits gnawed on. Some tender nibbling and licking will do just fine, thankyouverymuch. Check out this book, The Ultimate Guide to Oral Sex, for some tips on fellatio.

2.       Hush: This is no time to hone in on your mime skills, unless of course, you’re banging in a library. An orgasm should be announced and celebrated.  So, in the words of J. Lo, “Get Loud!”

3.       Food Network: As with most things, there’s a time and a place. And, bed is rarely the time or place for food. If you pounce onto your partner, rolled in cherry pie filling or wielding a Tostino’s pizza, I guarantee a sexy night is not in your future. You’ll end your night with a walk through the nearest car wash. This doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a little sweetness; just make sure it’s bedroom safe. Fascinations offers some exquisite chocolate body paint and play pens, so you can decorate and devour your partner.

4.       Serious Convo: If you mention your parent’s divorce, grandfather’s funeral, or recent firing during a banging session, we will simply answer “uh-huh” because that’s all anyone is really capable of at such a time. So, back off with the Debbie Downer stuff. If you must talk, say something sexy or a little dirty. The book, Sex is Fun, gives great tips on talking dirty and other ways to spice up your sex life!

5.       Off Limits: Don’t try going somewhere that you haven’t already been given the okay to do.

Trying to impress a woman by telling her you can have sex for hours, will do no such thing. In fact, it will make her run faster than Usain Bolt. When a woman has sex, she wants to know there’s an end in sight. She doesn’t want a quickie to turn into a marathon. And, really, no man wants that either, because while you’re thrusting away, she’ll be making her to-do list. So, let’s solve this delayed ejaculation issue. Any one, or combination, of factors can be to blame.

• Psychological: Mental health symptoms or illnesses, such as depression or anxiety; stress about your relationship, children, or finances; fatigue; guilt revolving around religion; not being attracted or interested in your partner.

• Physical: Any birth defects affecting the reproductive system; spinal cord injuries; prostate surgery/infection; urinary tract infection; heart disease or strokes; diabetes; pelvic nerve damage.

• Drugs/Alcohol: Drinking too much alcohol or using illicit drugs.

• Prescribed Medications: Many antidepressants; certain high blood pressure medications; some diuretics; certain antipsychotic medications.

• Masturbating: When you masturbate frequently, your penis gets used to the feeling of your hand, which doesn’t quite feel like a vagina, and therefore has a difficult time achieving orgasm.

• Age: Older men are at an increased risk.

Treatment:

• Therapy: Individual or sex therapy can be very helpful to sort out any psychological issues. Some therapy may involve playful homework that involves reducing performance pressure.

• Communicating: Talking to your partner about any fears or feelings you have will create a safe environment, increasing intimacy and easing psychological stress.

• Self-care: Getting enough rest, meditating, exercising, and eating right will all aid in making you come more quickly.

• Masturbating: If you’re a frequent masturbator and feel it may be contributing to delayed ejaculation, don’t throw out the Vaseline just yet. Just change up your style. Since your penis got used to the old way of jacking off, it’s time to shake things up and confuse it a little.

• Hypnosis: This option is typically used in conjunction with therapy or when one partner does not want to participate in therapy.

Instead of making the same old New Year’s Resolution again about how you’re finally going to drop those last five pounds or quit smoking, how about making one that will really benefit you – and the one you love. That’s right, resolve to last longer in bed. Below are five sure fire ways to help you avoid the utterly embarrassing, status-post wrinkled penis explosion.

Masturbate

When you masturbate, think about a woman orgasming. (Sure, you can envision Great Grandma Ester; whatever makes you last.) Get yourself almost to the point of blowing it – approximately 12 minutes or so. Just practice. It’s called endurance, guys.

Kegel Exercise

The Pubococcygeus (PC) muscle controls the flow of urine and semen. The stronger this baby is, the longer you’ll last. So, stop focusing on squats and start focusing on Kegels. When you’re hovering over the urinal, cut off the flow of urine and then start and stop; hold for a count of 10 and release. Do 30 reps and call it a day.  Once you’ve mastered it, you can practice at your desk, in the grocery store, but probably not while you’re doing squats.

Chivalry

Sex can induce a lot of pressure on a guy. But, you know what alleviates some of that unnecessary pressure? Making her come first. When your partner orgasms first, the anxiety you feel to please her dissipates, which is an underlying factor in premature ejaculation.

Saddle Up

Positioning is everything, especially when you’re prone to premature ejaculation. With your partner on top, your penis is less stimulated and therefore, you will be able to go the distance.

Don’t Think

Be in the moment. The more attention you give something, the more likely it is to happen. Your mind is powerful. So, enjoy the amazing sensations in your body and simply enjoy them.

We don’t expect you to go at this alone. Below are a couple amazing options that will make your job so much easier.

• Desensitizing Gel, such as System Jo Prolonger, which improves ejaculation control and stamina.

• A Cock Ring, which is worn around the base of a man’s phallus, constricts the vessels leading in and out of the penis. The result is a rock hard boner as well as delayed and heightened orgasms. Check out the Rock Hard Power Kit or the Quick Release Cock Cage.

After years of hoping for better quality vibrating panties and wireless remote bullets, Lelo and We-Vibe have delivered with the first chargeable toys that come with wireless remotes, and they’re as fun and durable as can be. Lelo’s Lyla and Oden, and the We-Vibe 3, may be three of the greatest toys ever made (OK, I’m just really excited about them), especially if you’re looking for high quality remote-operated toys. The biggest complaint about these toy’s battery-operated counterparts is that they take tiny batteries that run out quickly, are expensive, and are impossible to find. Once you use up the batteries that come with most wireless remote bullets or vibrating panties, you have to go on a scavenger hunt to find more. The Lyla, Oden, and We-Vibe 3 solve this battery problem for good and make teasing and pleasing your partner easier with sleek, well-designed toys.

The Lyla is a 100% silicone bullet-style toy with a wireless remote (most similar to other wireless remote bullets). The bullet part of the Lyla charges (after no more than two hours), and the remote takes 2 AAA batteries, which means that in a crunch, you can just pop the batteries out of your TV remote control if needed. It also has a handy retrieval cord, which means you can insert it, give your partner the remote, and start the fun. It can also be used externally for clitoral stimulation. Of course, if you’re going to be wearing the Lyla internally for an extended period of time, you want to use a water-based lube with it, so it doesn’t become uncomfortable. The bullet is probably a little too large to be discreet if inserted in a pair of panties, so if that’s your goal, you probably want to look at the Oden instead.

The Oden may seem to be a perplexing shape at first sight, but it’s form only adds to it’s function. The ring at the bottom of the Oden means it can easily be slipped around the base of the penis for some added stimulation during intercourse. If you’re using it this way, it’s probably best that he lie on his back and you get on top to keep the toy in place and control your contact with it. However, the neatest design aspect of the Oden is that it’s flat, and curved, to easily fit in the front of a pair of panties, so it works as a smarter (and quieter) alternative to vibrating panties. The bullet part of the Oden charges and the remote takes 2 AAA batteries, just like the Lyla.

Even with the smart and sleek designs of the Lyla and the Oden, one of the coolest design features is in the remote control. The remote that comes with each of these toys comes with SenseMotion technology, which operates in a few different ways. If you’re using the button controls on the remote, a small motor in the remote vibrates at the same speed as it does in the bullet, so you know what type of vibration your partner is feeling. No other wireless remote toys have this feature, which is helpful in being able to tease your partner exactly how you want without having to remember what setting the toy is on. However, the awesomeness doesn’t stop there. A second setting on the remote allows you to hold it in your hand and move it left and right, similar to a dial, which will increase the intensity of the vibration. It’s almost impossible to describe how intuitive this technology is without holding the bullet in one hand and the remote in the other and checking it out for yourself.

Both the Oden and Lyla are great wireless bullets with different purposes, but if you want an entirely handsfree couple’s toy, the We-Vibe 3 is a perfect option. The We-Vibe 3 is the exact same thing as the We-Vibe 2, which means it is a 100% silicone U-shaped toy with a vibrator for the G-Spot and one for the clitoris, but it is thin enough to be worn during sex, which means it stimulates your partner’s penis a lot more than your standard vibrating cock ring, since it sits inside the vagina. The We-Vibe 3 is different from the We-Vibe 2 in three ways; it has a wireless remote, it is fully submergible, and it has more power. If you want to change the We-Vibe 3‘s speed, you just click the remote until you find the perfect speed or pulsation setting instead of having to reach between you and your partner to hit the button. Of course, using it in the exact same way as the We-Vibe 2 would be boring, and since the We-Vibe 3 includes the wireless remote, you can insert one side and let the other side sit against your clit in a pair of panties and go out on the town. With any of the We-Vibe models, using a water-based lube is recommended to make the experience as slippery and comfortable as possible.

Instead of spending an endless amount of money on small batteries, or fretting about vibrating panties and remote bullets that are too loud to wear in public, you now have three great silicone, chargeable options to choose from. If you’re looking for an insertable wireless bullet, the Lelo Lyla is the way to go. If you want a toy you can use a vibrating cock ring, or panty vibrator, the Lelo Oden is probably right for you. And if you want a toy that stimulates both you and your partner if used during sex, but can also be put in a pair of panties for a night on the town, the We-Vibe 3 is probably best for you.

Amongst other things, the holidays are the perfect excuse to get your drink on. But, as people often lose sight of the true meaning of the holidays, they often lose sight of the true meaning of someone’s drink of choice. A lady’s drink of choice, in particular. Women and their drink of choice can be a bit tricky to figure out. Below is a guide. You should take it to the bar with you. Seriously.

The Foo-Foo, Umbrella Drink: Any chick slurping a frosty beverage through a straw that’s been dunked into a glass decorated with paper parasols, plastic swords, fruit and/or fireworks, is a child in disguise. Seriously, if her drink looks like a carnival, back away. With this one, you’ll have to worry about curfew and kiddie menus.

Martini: Ah, the classic gin or vodka martini. This woman appreciates the taste of alcohol and enjoys a deep discussion or heated debate.

Screwdriver: Does anyone even order these things anymore? Well, they shouldn’t. This is a drink for the inexperienced, or college co-eds. Ladies drinking OJ and vodka really don’t like the taste of alcohol and want to feel better about imbibing by just tasting orange juice.

Red Wine: A nice glass of Pinot or Malbec screams sophistication. But, there are some wino imposters out there, so observe how she actually drinks the wine. If she grips the glass with both hands or soaks her face while trying to catch the aroma, she’s not legit.

White Wine: Unless you spot her in the middle of the desert, trying to cool off with a crisp glass of Sauvignon Blanc, this lady is probably an imposter or novice. People who drink white wine are typically beginners and like the wine buzz much more than the wine taste. Look on the bright side, you could teach her a few things.

Bloody Mary: She’s probably an alcoholic, or just really serious about getting the daily recommended five servings of vegetables in for the day.

Cosmo: A woman sipping this highly overrated cocktail has expensive taste. She may be a gold digger, or at the very least, expect you to buy her another cosmo.

Sex on the Beach: This girl is either in her early 20’s or wishing she was. This woman probably hasn’t been laid in a while and thinks saying the word ‘sex’ is cute and will miraculously send her spinning into an orgasm.

Beer: This is a guy’s girl. She enjoys a good time and can acclimate to any situation.

After a night (or day) of drinking, you’re going to want to make sure you can perform. So, get some sexual supplements from Fascinations. The Rock Hard Weekend is an excellent choice; you can take it with booze and be as hard as steel within 30 minutes or less! Stiff One is another excellent option to ensure readiness.

So drink, bang and be merry!

Last week, I suggested some gifts for people on Santa’s nice list, which were some awesome ideas to help inspire romance in your relationship. While we all like to be on Santa’s good list, those of us at Fascinations also like to get put on Santa’s naughty list from time to time. If you and your partner like to spice up your Christmas gifts to each other, or if you want to spoil your partner with some fun accessories for the bedroom over the holidays, this list is for you. Sometimes it’s OK to be bad if it means getting (or giving) one of the items on this list.

Couple’s Toys

Nothing says, “this Christmas I totally want to do you” than gifting your partner a toy you can use together. If you want to go the simple route (or are putting together a gift with a lot of little things), the Lingo and Screaming O are disposable vibrating rings. The Lingo goes over the tongue to add some stimulation to oral sex, and the Screaming O ring sits at the base of a penis or toy, for some added stimulation during intercourse. If you know your partner likes couple’s toys, and you want a toy you can use more than once, the Sexual Exciters vibrating cock rings have multiple speeds and multiple textures to send your honey to heaven. If you want durability, but aren’t into cords to constrain you (like the Sexual Exciters have), the We-Vibe 2 and We-Vibe 3 will be sure to stimulate both of you, and Lelo’s Tor and Oden give you the settings of the Sexual Exciters without the cords or batteries.

Whips and Chains

Whether you’re into bondage, or have just talked about trying it, if you want your honey to tie you up for the holidays some soft wrist restraints or bondage rope might be the perfect thing. Of course, it’s no fun to tie someone up without teasing them a little bit, so a simple feather tickler and a blindfold are always nice accessories to include with restraints. If you or your partner was VERY naughty this year, Santa might instead choose to bring them a crop or paddle so they can get that well-deserved spanking. Or if bondage and spanking are a little too plain for your tastes, you can add a ball gag, nipple clamps, or a Neon Wand. The holidays are a time to surprise your partner, so getting items that help you explore the fantasies you’ve only talked about can be a great gift.

That Toy They Couldn’t Justify Spending Money on

In this economy, it often seems like a luxury to be able to purchase that perfect sex toy, so a lot of people put toys by Lelo, Jimmy Jane, We-Vibe, or Fun Factory on their wishlists, but choose lower-quality alternatives until they can save up for the vibrator they really want. The holidays are a time to spoil your partner by getting them things they would never indulge in on their own. Find out what their ideal toy is, then surprise them with it, or if you know they’re toys keep shorting out, breaking, or burning out, invest in a toy that charges and has a warranty. This will show you care about their sexual pleasure, and don’t mind spending a little extra to get them something good.

Anything by Liberator

Liberator makes exceptional position furniture that helps with G-Spot stimulation, deeper penetration, reduces the risk of fatigue, and is perfect for people who are pregnant, have a physical disability, or really like that specific position, but can’t stay in it for thirty minutes. All of their products are made with memory foam, have two layers of liquid-proof fabric (in case of that accidental lube spill), and come in different shapes for different people. The traditional Ramp (which fits nicely with the Wedge) is a good first-time Liberator gift, or the newer Flip-Ramp is a good versatile, gift. Fascinations also just started carrying the Fascinator Throes, which are soft throes that cover your whole bed and absorb any liquid you might get on them. At the end of a naughty night, you can just throw them to the side of your bed, climb into totally dry sheets, and put them in the laundry/wash the next day.

A Sex Swing

If you and your partner have tried out position furniture, vibrators, couples toys and handcuffs, but want to take it up a notch, a Sex Swing might be the perfect thing. Sex Swings are made to be attached to a weight-bearing beam in your ceiling (or you can get the Universal Sex Swing Stand to hang it from). Sex swings enable one of you to float weightlessly in the air while your partner finds creative positions to use with you. If you’re bored with sex in your bed, putting a sex swing in your room can help add variety, and if you don’t always like having the weight of your partner on top of you, a sex swing will help you find some ways to get into the same positions without having to worry about smashing each other.

While it’s fun to get nice gifts from Santa during the holidays, naughty gifts can be way more exciting to give (and receive!) and can lead to some crazy nights. Fascinations carries a wide array of naughty and nice gifts to give your partner this holiday season to show them you care about them, and to get them in the mood.

Having sex with someone for the first time is sort of like going for a swim in the Atlantic Ocean. It can be downright scary.  But, you know the sooner you take the plunge the better, because after that initial shock, a cocoon of warmth quickly envelops you.  Staying in that cocoon means being smart about your decisions. Below are seven moves that won’t get you laid – a second time.

1.       Penis Pet Names:  We totally get that you adore your penis – and you should – but telling her, “Dynamite Dave is gonna catapult you into a whole new world!” is completely unacceptable.

2.       Just a Girl: Most of the time we like ladies like to be treated as your equal. But, things are very different in bed. It’s almost like another country. So just because you’re naked, does not mean you shouldn’t keep some thing s under wraps. Oh, say for instance, flatulence, ball scratching, nose picking, etc. We know you do these things. We just don’t want you to do them in front of us, especially after what we just did together.

3.       Now’s Not the Time for Porn: Usually when you’re having sex with a new woman, you don’t know if Gangbangs of New York is her sort of thing. So suppress your acrobatic moves and funky fetishes until a little later in the relationship.

4.       Let the Compliments Flow: Look, she’s in front of you, naked, and probably feeling a little insecure. Would it kill you to tell her how amazing her body is, even if it’s not entirely true?

5.       Manscape Away: You don’t have to go all pubescent or anything, but a little trimming will score you major points. Clutching your back hair while you take her for the ride of her life is not how she envisioned things going down.

6.       Constructive Criticism: Now is not the time to be brutally honest. You are not Simon Cowell. She will not take kindly to, “Hey, that thing you did with your tongue was nice and all, but you got to put a little more force behind it.” And demonstrating how your ex-girlfriend got you off will not help any.  It will only make her promise to never have sex with you again, or turn her into a vindictive psycho.

7.       Interrogating: She wants to enjoy the moment. She does not want to answer questions. Do not repeatedly ask, “Did you come yet?”  Do not repeatedly ask, “Is it good?” You will not pass go. You will not collect $200. You will lose.

Do set the mood!

Fascinations has everything you need to create the perfect atmosphere for your first time together.  Rub this KY Intense gel on her clitoris and she’ll definitely come back for another round. And this Foreplay Pheromone Candle sets the stage for a sexy massage and ensures arousal.  Of course, you’ll want to have fun, but you’ll also want to be safe, so pick up a pack of Fascinations’ wide selection of condoms.

Sassy – Sensuous – Serene

Do you think your home is "sexy"? "Sexy" interior design is all about attitude. It’s creating a personal space in which you feel alive and tells your story. The room expresses and reflects your way of life.

So often rooms are designed to look good and certainly there is nothing wrong with beauty. However, if you are living in a beautiful space that does not express your heart and soul, the beauty only lasts so long until you feel the need for personal comfort and self expression. The comfort is for your physical body as well as your mental and emotional self. The self expression is your need to be heard and seen as you truly are.

You don’t want to live in another person’s idea of what looks and feels good. It is a human need to be surrounded in the taste and style that personifies who you are at your deepest level.

When we feel sexy we feel alive, we feel real and we feel in our power. How wonderful to always feel this way. However, it isn’t always possible. We are in many environments all day long over which we have no control. That is why it is all the more important that we achieve this in our home…our most personal space. It is the only place where we can decide what colors and style we want to live with. When these decisions are made with the people we live, it strengthens our connections and creates a unique look that tells "our" story. It becomes an environment to share and enjoy together.

There are three basic styles of "sexy" interior design. They are sassy, sensuous and serene. You can carry any one of them throughout your home or combine them to create your own style.

Your entire home doesn’t have to be just one style. Each room can have a different style and feeling to express the different purpose and function of each room and the personality of the person or persons using the space the most.

The three basic styles of "sexy" interior design are:

• Sassy – fun, energetic, bold, dramatic, exciting, lively, playful
• Sensuous – textured, stimulating, sumptuous, luxurious
• Serene – calm, mellow, relaxed, comfortable, organized

Have fun and play with your own words that describe these three types of design for you. It will get you started thinking about how to create a "sexy" home designed and personalized to express your personality and interests.

You can also take one or a combination of these styles to interpret and create your own individual look. Decide the amount of each one you want to use. The meaning of your environment affects your attitude and how you express yourself to others. That’s why it’s so important to use your own words and come up with your own meaning. Give your style a name that expresses the way you want to feel in that room and how you want to be seen. Interior design is not a science it is an art and you are the subject. Create your own portrait in your own home!

Remember, rooms have no feelings, YOU do and creating a "sexy" home is the best way to feel alive and vibrant in your most personal spaces.

To learn more about "Sexy" Interior Design and discover how you can create this for yourself, you can attend a free design and decorating workshop. You can also treat yourself to a private consultation. Call for details. Barbara Kaplan 480-998-5088

Website: www.BajaroMethod.com & www.BarbaraKaplan.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/bajaromethod

Santa’s workshop has been a buzzin’ with all things naughty and nice! And, of course, we were on both lists. So, come on over to Fascinations or hop online at Funlove.com and pick up a naughty or nice gift package. Or, get one of each because, come on, who says there’s not a little Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in everyone. Prices range from $5-30. Happy holidays!

Fascinations 2011 Holiday Commercial

Fascinations 2011 Holiday Commercial 2

While it’s sometimes fun to surprise your partner with a naughty gift under the Christmas tree, the holidays are also a time to celebrate family and friends and remind them how much they mean to us. That doesn’t mean you have to go 100% vanilla with a set of slippers or a sweater, though. Sometimes you can find a romantic gift that expresses “nice” more than “naughty,” but doesn’t manage to be boring. The following five suggestions will all show your partner that they got put on Santa’s nice list this year. Don’t worry; if your partner got put on Santa’s naughty list too, next week we’ll have some suggestions for that too.

Massage oils and accessories

Because smell and touch are two of the most important components of sensuality and sexuality, massage oils are popular gifts year round. Of course, getting massage oil, then expecting it to be used on you is not a very thoughtful gift, so make sure your gift comes with the intention to get some alone-time with your partner to give THEM a massage. You can do this by making a little hand-made coupon for a massage, and putting it with their gift, so they can pick the time and place. A totally selfless massage is thoughtful since the holidays can be a particularly stressful time, and might help them relax in between family activities, shopping, or parties. It can also be a way to start out a night of other “romantic activities” in the bedroom. If your partner has a favorite scent that they associate with romance, try to find an oil in that scent, or one that includes hints of that scent. If you’re not sure what your partner likes, you can always pick up the Massage Oil Kit by Kama Sutra, which includes a small bottle of each of their massage oils. That way, your partner can choose the one they find most appealing (and this is all about them, right?). Another option is the massage candles by Jimmy Jane, which are some of my personal favorites. They melt into a massage oil, are soy-based, so they’re less oily than other oils, and their scents are light and playful. Lighting a candle is always something that helps set the mood for romance, and being able to use that candle for a nice massage is an added plus. Jimmy Jane also makes a ceramic massage stone that is made to be used with their candles, or any massage oil. Of course, if traditional massage is a little too nice for you, Kama Sutra’s flavored, warming massage oils can be used first for a some sensual massage, and then licked off to proceed to naughtier activities.

Romantic Games

The only thing I remember about History class in high school is that my teacher had a belly button the size of a silver dollar. I only know this because he wore super thin polos, minus an undershirt, revealing an enormous groove where he was once attached to his mama. I totally missed the lecture on The Cold War because I was busy wondering what Mr. N used to dig all the lint out of his belly button. Some things are better left unsolved. My point in telling this story is that history doesn’t have to be boring, or disgusting, for that matter. Take sex, for instance. Below are some of intriguing tidbits about America’s favorite pastime.

Pubic wigs – Wigs were not just worn on heads in ancient times. As early as the 1400’s, women would go all Brazilian and slap on a merkin in order to battle pubic lice. While in Victorian times, prostitutes would shave their pubic hair and hide any sign of syphilis with a merkin. Nowadays, the merkin’s use is much less scandalous: actors use them to conceal their privates in nude scenes.

Condoms – Before the 15th century many Asians used glans condoms, which only covered the tip of the penis. In China they were made out of oiled silk paper or lamb intestines, while Japan used tortoise shell or animal horn. Um, sounds a little dangerous. It wasn’t until the following century when condoms went a little more upscale and were made of linen sheaths soaked in chemical solution. After drying, the condoms were attached to the penis with a ribbon. Maybe this is where the idea of gift wrapping comes from…. Check out the variety of condoms Fascinations carries.

Homosexuality – Homosexuality was listed as a mental illness by the American Psychiatric Association until 1973. Click here for a slew of gay and lesbian products.

Blow job – Seems fitting that blow jobs should be next. In the Victorian times, prostitutes answered to the name “Blowsy” and “blow” was code for ejaculation – not cocaine. So, by 1930 the term blow job was born.

Vibrators – During the 19^th century, “hysteria” was a fairly common condition amongst women and vibrators were the preferred treatment. Women diagnosed with this disorder were said to be suffering from insomnia, nervousness, fluid retention, heaviness in the abdomen, irritability, decreased libido, and a “tendency to cause trouble.” It was treated with a prescription for a vibrator. Nice these toys are now available over-the-counter at Fascinations.

Bird hookers – All penguins aren’t PG-rated like Happy Feet. Female penguins that are in a committed relationship are known to step out on their partner in order to score the pebbles they need to build their nest. These chicks are smart – they go after single males so they don’t get attacked by the male’s partner.

Shortest sex sessions: Phoenix, Denver and Chicago have the shortest sex sessions, while Miami ranks number one. It’s up to you to make a difference.

Condoms are one of a few effective ways to prevent pregnancy, and pretty much the only way to prevent the spread of STDs and STIs if you’re not in a monogamous relationship with the person you’re sleeping with, or if you don’t know their status. People often complain that using a condom “reduces the sensation” or “doesn’t feel real,” but the reality is that there are so many varieties of condoms on the market, there should be one that works for everyone. Using the excuse that a condom doesn’t feel real to avoid practicing safe sex is not only irresponsible, it’s silly. Sex with a condom isn’t going to feel the same as sex without a condom, but a different feeling isn’t necessarily a bad thing when it means protecting you and your partner’s health, and/or preventing an unwanted pregnancy. Not only are condoms essential to use for vaginal or anal intercourse, using a barrier is important for oral sex as well as any other penetrative activities. However, health risks might not be the only reason to use condoms; they also come in handy if you want to make a sex toy 100% waterproof, if you want to extend the life of a porous toy by making sure you cover it before use, or if you have multiple partners who will be sharing the same toy and don’t want to have to sterilize it between uses. If you don’t like the sensation of the condoms your using, there might be a simple fix; lube. Putting a few drops of lube on the tip of the penis, or in the tip of the condom before putting it on will help it move around more naturally (and reduce the risk of breakage). Also, because latex can have a tendency to dry people out, using lube with condoms can make the experience more enjoyable and slippery for everyone.

Often times finding a condom that works for you is all about material. A lot of people are sensitive to latex, or don’t like the feeling and smell of it. While most condoms are made out of latex, there are a few alternatives. Polyisoprene is the most latex-like material, but is better than latex because it won’t irritate people with latex sensitivities, conducts heat better than latex does (meaning you’ll be able to feel more), and prevents against pregnancy and STDs and STIs just like latex. Both Durex and Lifestyles make polyisoprene condoms; the former being the Avanti Bare and the latter being the Skyn. Polyurethane is the other latex-like alternative. Polyurethane condoms conduct heat better than latex, but are definitely not as elastic and tend to be a little baggier when on. The Trojan Supras are a polyurethane condom, and female condoms are also made out of polyurethane. If you and your partner are monogamous and know each other’s status, you might also want to try Lambskin condoms. These condoms are made out of sheep intestine, which means they have pores large enough for STDs and STIs to travel through, but not sperm, so if you want a condom that is going to prevent the transmission of disease, and prevent pregnancy, Lambskin is not the way to go. However, many people say that lambskin condoms conduct heat much better than any other condom material available. Lambskin condoms tend to be more expensive because they are an animal product. If you are a fan of latex condoms, but want the thinnest ones out there for a more “realistic feel”, the Kimono brand is a good choice. If you are unsure about what type of condom material you prefer, it’s always a good idea to try out the different 3-condom sampler packs, which will allow you to find out what you like without breaking the bank.

Another way to find a condom you and your partner like is to look at the different textures, lubricants, or shapes that condoms now come in. For guys who feel like condoms take away sensation, the Pleasure Plus brand is one of the best reviewed male condoms on the market. The condom shape includes a pouch on the underside that stimulates the frenulum, meaning the guy is going to get more sensation from thrusting. The Trojan Twisted condoms have also been recommended for this purpose. There are all other sorts of textured condoms, some to stimulate him and some to stimulate her. There are even condoms with special warming and cooling lubes on them, like the Trojan Fire and Ice, if you want some added sensation. If too much sensation is the problem, the the Trojan Extended Pleasure are condoms that have a numbing agent on the inside to help him last longer. Again, it’s often best to get one of the 3-condom packs, or a combo pack like the Lifestyles Pleasure Collection if you’re trying to find out what kinds of condoms work best for you. Plus, having to try out a bunch of different condoms gives you plenty of excuses to have lots of sex!

Besides using condoms for intercourse, one of the most creative things to dow with condoms is to use them for safe oral sex. Some companies make flavored condoms, which come in a few different flavors, but it’s often easier to get non-lubricated condoms and combine them with your favorite flavored lube. That way you won’t end up with a bunch of condoms in flavors you might not like. You can also use an non-lubricated condom to make a dental dam. Taking the condom and cutting it vertically, and then unrolling it means you can lay it across your partners vagina or anus and use it for oral sex. Even if you have access to dental dams, this method works better if you or your partner has a specific type of flavored lube you like better. Instead of only getting to choose between a few flavors of dental dams, you have infinite possibilities when you combine flavored lube and non-lubricated condoms.

Because condoms are effective at preventing pregnancy and the transmission of STDs and STIs, they come in pretty much every shape, texture and material imaginable. This means that after a little trial-and-error it’s possible for everyone to find a condom that works best for them. While sex with a condom feels different than sex without a condom, being responsible with you and your partner’s sexual health makes finding your favorite condom worth the effort.

We learn about ‘em in junior high, and then just like 8^th grade algebra we forget. I’m talking about Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs). Maybe it’s fear, maybe it’s ignorance, or maybe it’s apathy. It doesn’t really matter because whatever it is, it’s very real. An estimated one in five people in the U.S. have an STD.

So how do we make it stop? Well, I’ll start by correcting this widely held misconception: It’s impossible to get STDs from oral sex. Way too many people actually believe this. They think, “Oral sex isn’t real sex, so I’m safe.” Wrong. In all actuality a lot of STDs are contracted this way because more than 70% of the population prefers oral sex to any other type of sexual activity. This made be due to the large percentage of women who can only reach orgasm through cunninglus. So, although oral sex is a safe pastime in terms of keeping buns outta the oven, it can be quite risky when it comes to STDs.

Here’s the breakdown:

HIV – The risk is very low, but it’s there. Chances for contracting the virus increase if the performer has cuts or sores in their mouth, if ejaculation occurs in the mouth, and/or if the receiver has any other STDs. The major risk is for the performer, but unless he/she just had their wisdom teeth pulled and are oozing blood, oral sex is relatively safe. And if that scenario has actually ever happened, let me know because that is just pure dedication. Safety Tip: Condoms and dental dams.

Herpes – Genital herpes and oral herpes are usually caused by different strains of the virus (HSV-2 and HSV-1), but it’s possible for either virus to infect the other site. Example: Oral herpes can be transmitted to the genitals and vice versa. Herpes are contagious even when there are no symptoms, and this virus can be spread through skin-to-skin contact. Safety Tip: Condoms, clean the play area well, and prescription medications (for those already diagnosed).

HPV – Throat cancer is thought to be a result of contracting HPV while performing oral sex. This one is similar to herpes in that it can be spread via skin-to-skin contact. Safety Tip: Condoms and dental dams may lower risk, but don’t eliminate it.

Gonorrhea – It can be transmitted to both partners during the act of fellatio. It’s still up in the air as to whether or not the same applies to cunninglus, as the site of infection is the cervix – a tad hard to reach during this act. Mix ‘The Clap’ and oral sex and you just might get a throat infection. A very difficult to treat throat infection. Safety Tip: Condoms and dental dams.

Chlamydia – Performing and receiving fellatio – unprotected – put people at high risk for transmitting this bugger. Research regarding cunninglus and chlamydia is still unclear. Safety Tip: Condoms and dental dams should be effective.

Syphilis – Super easy to transmit through oral sex. One good thing: It can only be transmitted when symptoms are present, during the first and second stages of the disease. One bad thing: The painless sores it causes are hard to spot.  Safety Tip: Condoms, dental dams.

Of course, it’s always a good idea to talk to your partner about STDs and practice monogamy. Or abstinence, but I that doesn’t seem practical. Also, limit the number of partners you have (your risk increases as your partners do), and have regular check-ups and ask specifically to be tested.

Apparently sex injuries are very common. It’s not a spectator sport, you know. This year, one in three people will hurt themselves while banging. Below are the top ten most common sex owies:

1. Pulled muscles
2. Injured back
3. Carpet burns
4. Cricked neck
5. Bashed elbows/knees
6. Bruised shoulder
7. Twisted knee
8. Sprained/strained wrist
9. Sprained/strained ankle
10. Bent fingers

If you’re not insured, you might want to guard yourself with more than just a condom. I’m not suggesting helmets or anything, although that might not be a bad idea. But you’ll probably want to think  twice about where you drop your drawers. Where you choose to get down and dirty can increase your chance of injury. You’d think the bed would be a safe place, but nope. Below are the top 10 most risky locations to get frisky:

1. The couch
2. A staircase
3. In the car
4. Shower
5. The bed
6. On a chair
7. The kitchen table
8. In the garden
9. On the toilet
10. A work closet

Beds are the number one object that sex destroys. Below are nine other frail items that have trouble withstanding sex:

1. Wine glasses
2. Picture frames
3. Chairs
4. Tea cups
5. Walls
6. Dressers
7. Doors
8. Windows
9. Vases

I guess the old saying, “Be safe” is a bit of a double entendre.  But, being safe doesn’t mean you can’t have any fun or get a little wild. Fascinations offers a slew of bondage and fetish toys that are safe and guarantee an adventure!

In the not-too-distant past, obtaining a sex toy meant venturing into a dingy shop in a shady area of town, where you could pick from a few toys with a porn star on the package on the only rack in the store that wasn’t full of adult movies. If vaguely creepy porn shops weren’t your thing, you had to choose from everyday household items that you could find at the mall or big box store and hope they would suffice at being discreet as well as getting the job done.

Luckily, as it has become more acceptable to talk about sexual desire, sex toys have become a topic of conversation among couples and groups of friends alike, and education oriented toy stores like Fascinations have popped up across the country. Getting a good sex toy has even infiltrated pop culture, showing up everywhere from Sex and the City to Oprah. On a very practical level, this means that everyone has more options when it comes to they toys they want, and means technology and design have now become desirable attributes when looking at toys. This has resulted in an explosion of well-designed and body-safe toys that no longer run on batteries, but charge like a laptop or cell phone. While this may seem needless at first, the advantages to chargeable toys are numerous. As with any other electronic device, finding a toy that meets all of your needs is going to be an investment that is meant to benefit your everyday life. Some chargeable toys even look like they were pulled right out of an Apple Store display, so you can match it to your iPad or MacBook.

The advantages of owning a chargeable toy are infinite and depend on what you’re looking for. One of the best things about chargeable toys is they can pack a lot of power into a small package, if you want something small AND powerful (and, really, who doesn’t?). If you’re looking for a toy with a lot of power you usually have to pick up a bullet that has a large remote with a cord and batteries, or a traditional back massager that has to stay plugged into the wall. Chargeable toys often incorporate the same powerful motors as these other toys, but don’t require the cords, remotes, or an excessive amount of batteries. This feature also eliminates the common problem of cords shorting out because of too much use. This also means they are prettier, which seems like a weird reason to get a sex toy, but is a good thing if you want a non-intimidating toy, or are getting a nice gift for someone. Toys that look appealing are more fun to play with, and with all the color and shape options, it’s likely there is a toy design that suits everyone’s personality.

Because chargeable toys don’t have batteries rattling around inside of them, they tend to be a lot more silent than your standard toys. This is handy if you’re looking for something quiet because of kids or neighbors, or if you just aren’t a fan of a sex toy that sounds like a lawn mower when you’re using it (most people don’t find lawn mower sounds that sexy). Another advantage to quieter toys is that using them with your partner means you’re not going to be distracted by the sound of the toy so much that you forget to focus on what’s going on elsewhere. You’ll be able to hear your partner’s sweet nothings, sexy noises and movements without having to ask them to repeat themselves.

Because chargeable toys don’t have parts you have to take apart to put batteries in, they tend to be a lot more durable than battery operated vibrators, which crack or loosen over time. Even if your chargeable toy does break, most brands (Lelo, Je Joue, Fun Factory, and We-Vibe) come with a 1-year warranty. Jimmy Jane’s chargeable toys, on the other hand, come with a 3-year warranty. This also means most chargeable toys are made out of body-safe materials; generally medical grade silicone. If a toy is going to last several years, it makes no sense for it to be made out of a cheap material that discolors and absorbs bacteria and body fluids, since you’ll feel the urge to throw it out before the warranty is even up.

The fact most chargeable toys don’t have parts to unscrew also means that a lot of them are 100% waterproof. Most battery-operated vibrators are “waterproof” by virtue of a small rubber band located between the vibrating part and the battery pack, which means it’s safe to wash, but not a good idea to use in a hot tub, pool, or bath. Chargeable toys by Jimmy Jane, Je Joue, Fun Factory, and Lelo’s Insignia line are all made to submergible, which means you can take them in the bath when you need some alone time, but also means you don’t have to be concerned when cleaning them.

Finally, and this might sound a little hippyish, chargeable toys are better for the environment. In a perfect world, we would all recycle our alkaline batteries, but the fact is that, most of the time, we throw them away. This means they’re going into landfills and the chemicals are seeping into the ground, contaminating the earth and groundwater. Because you don’t have to dispose of batteries with chargeable toys, it helps the environment while also saving you money, since you don’t have to go out and buy batteries every time your toy dies, you can just plug it in again.

These are just a few of the advantages to investing in a toy that charges. Design, material, durability, and functionality are a few reasons why chargeable toys tend to be a better choice than traditional jelly or hard plastic vibrators. Because society has become more open about the fact it’s OK to use sex toys, many companies now design toys that are made to suit people’s needs and bodies, rather than being marketed to sell because they have a porn star on the box. Thankfully, Lelo, Fun Factory, Jimmy Jane, We-Vibe and Je Joue, all make high quality, chargeable toys that are fun to use along with being fun to look at! And, if you’re looking for a naughty, but classy gift to give during the upcoming holiday season, these sleek-looking and nicely-packaged toys make a great present.

Every part of your body needs exercise: the brain, heart, and even the pubococcygeus muscles (PC). These prehistoric sounding PC muscles are a big deal. They control the flow of urine and semen, the stiffness of your penis during an erection, tightness of your vagina, and aid in childbirth. So you can see why you might want to spend a little more time doing Kegels and a little less time doing squats.

As with any exercise, technique is crucial. So make sure you’re working the correct muscles. In order to find your PC muscles, try the following techniques:

• Option A: Stop the flow of urine the next time you go to the bathroom.
• Option B: Insert your finger into your vagina, or anus if you’re a man; it will tighten when you contract the right muscles.

So now that you’ve earned your gold star for the day, what do you do? Well, I’ll tell you what not to do. Don’t go buying one of those fancy schmancy Kegel exercise devices from an infomercial, after a late night drinking binge. They’re right up there with those abdominal thingamabobs. Everything you need is right between your legs.

The nice thing about Kegels is that they can be done anywhere, anytime, anyplace. Who says there’s nothing to do at work? Ready, set, go:

• Squeeze your PC muscles as hard as you can and hold for three-five seconds. Release and relax for the same amount of time. As you get stronger, increase.
• Repeat the contract and relax cycle 10 times.
• Over the course of the day, do three to four repetitions of the set.
• Make sure you’re not using any other muscles. Thighs, buttocks, and abdominals have a tendency to overcompensate for weak PC muscles.
• Don’t overdo it! It’s important to build up slowly and listen to your body. If you experience pain or discomfort, you’re pushing yourself too hard. I understand the rush and all, but keep the prize in mind.

Exercising alone is boring. Fascinations carries a variety of PC muscle exercisers. These electric blue Kegel Balls intimately strengthen pelvic floor muscles and deliver gentle vaginal stimulation.  Je Joue balls are also a great option for getting toned PC muscles and come in a progressive set of 3. In the mood for something a little different? Take these glass Ben Wa Balls home for some intense pleasure tight kegels. Slather on any of these water-based lubricants for increased pleasure and getting stronger never felt so good!

I had you at O, didn’t I? I don’t blame you. Achieving one is the ultimate goal. But, besides the fact that the things feel so damn good, what do you really know about them? Researchers from Johns Hopkins University Press unleashed some very fascinating tidbits about orgrams in the book, The Science of Orgasm. Below are some of the most titillating.

• Most women require about 20 minutes of clitoral stimulation before reaching The Big O. Approximately 24-37 percent of women can’t climax. Smoking, drinking, medication, emotional disorders, and menopause most likely contribute to not being able to reach orgasm.
• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), testosterone treatment, ginkgo biloba, and the nutritional supplement ArginMax have been shown to increase sexual gratification.
• Having an orgasm during sex may increase the chances of conception. The supporting theory: oxytocin, a hormone emitted in peak levels during orgasm, causes uterine contractions, in turn cajoling sperm toward the egg.
• Research has revealed that orgasm can decrease sensitivity to pain, relieve menstrual cramps, and alleviate stress (this may be due to the surge in oxytocin and dopamine).
• From ancient Greece to the time of Freud, doctors stimulated orgasm in women via “medical massage” to remedy the all-encompassing female disorder referred to as Hysteria. The vibrator was created in the late 1800’s for the same purpose. Now it makes sense why men are so quick to label a woman as hysterical or emotional; after all they are problem-solvers.

Still hungry for more orgasm info?
Visit funlove.com and check out our wide selection of sex education books and videos.

He loves me. He loves me not...

With all of today’s technological wooing, it can be difficult to gauge just how interested in you, a guy really is. As with anything in life, relationships should have a gray area. Billy Joel was right about one thing, going to extremes isn’t a good thing. So, if your man is pulling any of the moves below, it’s probably time to move on.

1.    Either you only see the inside of his place, or you have no idea where he lives – maybe he’s visiting from out of town, or maybe he’s homeless? The dude never takes you out on the town. The two of you spend all your time on his Lazy-Z-Boy watching movies, eating beef lo mein, and playing Scrabble. Or, he never invites you over. You hang at your pad, or go out. When you ask him about this, he deflects or makes up some excuse about annoying roomies or loud neighbors. Yeah, right.

2.    You only hang out with his friends, or you’ve never met his buds. He treats you like one of the guys. Your Saturday nights are filled with the guys, buffalo wings, and PlayStation. Or, he never brings you around his friends. When you ask to meet them, they’re “out of town” or “busy.”

3.    Sex is the only thing you have in common, or you have to put the moves on him. He can’t keep his mitts off of you. You’ve had sex, like everywhere. Well, everywhere it’s legal, anyway. Come to think of it, that’s the only activity you do when you’re together. Or, he won’t lay a hand on you. Your self-esteem is starting to suffer. He justifies his lack of intimacy with some excuse like, “You intimidate me.” Nope, he’s distancing himself from you. When guys get intimate, they feel like a commitment is right around the corner.

4.    He’s his biggest fan, or he won’t open up at all.  The guy never shuts up – about himself. And, he never asks about you. Does he even know your first name? Or, he’s as secretive as the CIA. Because, come on, sharing about himself would be the beginning of forming a relationship.

5.    He talks about his ex, or he won’t give you any background info on her. Be leery of any guy who dishes about his ex too much in the beginning, or is still connected to her in some way. This means there are still some residual feelings. Or, as your relationship grows, he won’t divulge anything about his past relationships. Maybe he’s still be hung up on her and it’s too painful for him to talk about or he was a total douche in the relationship and wants to keep that from you.

Picking out the right strap-on for you and your partner might seem like a daunting experience, and rightly so. Strap-ons are probably the one sex toy where most of the items seem pretty similar to each other, but upon closer inspection, there are big differences between each strap-on harness as well as the toys that go with them. When thinking about purchasing a strap-on there are several factors that come into play including versatility, ease of use, and durability. Depending on you and your partner’s needs, as well as your budget, there is a harness and toy out there that is perfect for you, the challenge is going to be narrowing you choices down from the large selection strap-ons that Fascinations carries.

Versatility:

A lot of couples make the mistake of buying the cheapest strap-on they can find for their first time. A cheap strap-on may seem like a good idea merely because of the price, but is not a very economical decision in the long run. Getting a cheap strap-on almost always means one thing; you’ll only be able to use one toy, or the same size toy, for the life of the harness. A lot of the “beginner” strap-ons have the toy connected to the harness, or don’t have an adjustable o-ring, which gives you far fewer options if you want to change things up. Even if you’re not sure about strap-on play, it’s usually a better idea to get a harness that gives you the option to change out the toy whether it’s because you have a new partner, or a partner who wants some variation. Additionally, a lot of the cheaper strap-ons come with porous toys, which means the toy will eventually discolor and get dirty, so you’ll have to throw it out and buy a new one. As someone who admits to being a sex-toy-material-snob, getting a harness that comes with a 100% silicone toy, or one that you can use a Vixen or Tantus dong in, is going to be better in the long run, since those toys last forever if you take minimal care of them. The Sportsheets Velvet Harness fulfills all of the qualifications for a good beginner harness because it comes with three different size o-rings, which you can switch out depending on the size of toy you’re using, it fits up to 60″ hips, so it fits all sorts of people (and if you’re hips are larger than 60″, the Sportsheets Diva Harness is the same harness, but it fits up to 82″ hips), and it is cloth, so you can throw it in the washing machine when you’re done using it without risk of ruining it. If you want a little more support/sturdiness in a harness, Sportsheets’ Corsette Harness has a wider lace-up part on the back that not only makes it sturdier while wearing, but looks super hot when you’re wearing it (who says sex toys can’t be sexy?). The other awesome thing about Sportsheets harnesses is that they come with a limited lifetime warranty, which means they’re guaranteed to be more durable than the cheaply made “one-size-fits-most” harnesses from other companies. If you’re looking for a good bundle deal, the Tantus Bend Over Beginner, Bend Over Intermediate, Curve, and Flame kits all come with a Sportsheets harness and one or two 100% silicone Tantus toys, which cost less than buying all the parts separately (kind of like a combo meal). Another good thing about all these harnesses is that they fit in a jock-strap style as opposed to a thong-style. Again, most “beginner” strap-ons are thong-style, which means you get less support than a harness that you can tighten on your thighs, and you end up with a pretty killer wedgie.

Ease of Use:

The downside to most harnesses is that they can be a pain in the butt to get on. You have to take the time to step into them, make sure you’re not all tangled up, and adjust the straps so it stays on your body, which can be annoying if you’re in the middle of getting hot and heavy. Because of this, “strapless strap-ons” were invented, and they are super popular. Besides being easy to get ready since they just insert into the vagina or anus, they also tend to be more intimate because you don’t have any cloth between you and your partner, which makes it easier to access their sensitive areas as well. It also gives the wearer more stimulation, since their G-spot or prostate is going to feel stimulation with every thrust. Not all strapless strap-ons are created equal, though. The Feeldoe is the original strapless strap-on and still one of the most popular. The Feeldoe comes in five different shapes and sizes and all are 100% medical grade silicone. If you’re concerned about the strength of your PC muscles to be able to hold a strapless strap-on in (and don’t want to invest in some Kegel balls), there are body-safe options other than the Feeldoe. The Share strap-ons from Fun Factory are similar to the Feeldoes, but that have larger bulbs on the end that is inserted. Another advantage to using strapless strap-ons is that they work really well for people who want to try, or enjoy, double penetration. A guy can wear a strapless strap-on in his anus while penetrating his partner with his penis as well. It also gives the added benefit of providing prostate stimulation for him. If that seems like a little much, Sportsheets also makes the Menage a Trois harness that he wears with one ring around his penis and one ring for a toy.

Durability:

All of the harnesses, dongs, and strapless strap-ons mentioned above are more durable that your average strap-on, which is why they come highly recommended. Of course, you don’t have to worry as much about durable toys than durable harnesses, since it takes a lot of work to rip a toy, and toys don’t tend to fall apart after heavy use (assuming they’re good quality). If your harnesses are prone to ripping and fraying, the Joque Harness is likely a good answer to your problems. Joque is fully adjustable, but doesn’t have all the excess straps like other harnesses tend to. It’s made out of nylon instead of cotton, so it stretches better. This also makes it safe to use in the water and more comfortable if you want to wear it under your clothes (for impromptu play, or packing). The design also allows for use with double-sided toys, including the Feeldoe, Share, or Nexus if you like the concept of a strapless strap-on, but don’t necessarily have the Kegel muscles needed to hold the toys in. Besides being one of the most durable harnesses on the market, it also looks cute on, since it fits lower on the hips. Even if you’re not someone who has gone through a lot of harnesses, the Joque makes a good first harness for all the reasons mentioned.

Versatility, ease of use, and durability are the three main factors to consider when looking at purchasing a strap-on. Harnesses that allow you to change out the size of the toy, adjust the waist and thighs, and are made of easy-to-wash materials tend to last longer, which means you and your partner will have less hassle when it comes to getting your freak on. Well-designed toys and accessories take the stress out of preparing for an intimate encounter and allow you to focus your attention on you and your partner’s pleasure.

Lust and food go together like Thelma and Louise. Like wine and chocolate. Like a pen and paper. I think you know where I’m going with this. Ah, yes, aphrodisiacs. You know, the food with a reputation for arousing sexual desire and enhancing sexual performance. Below is a list of the most common foods that are supposed to help you get your freak on.

Asparagus and Avocados: These green treats have a goddess-like effect. They’re loaded with vitamin E, which aids in stimulating testosterone, estrogen, and progesterone. All of this hormonal circulation provokes sexual responses, like clitoral swelling and vaginal lubrication.

Bananas: Okay, the reason this phallic shaped fruit made the list is quite obvious. Just about everyone conjures up a sexual image when watching someone bite into this piece of nature’s candy. Bananas offer potassium, which is cruicial for muscle strength. In other words, your orgasm will be super powerful. Do you really need another reason to make banana bread?

Chocolate: How can you not love chocolate? Cocoa contains phenylethylamine, a stimulant that incites feelings of ease and excitement, making sex seem like the best idea, ever. Well, what doesn’t seem like a good idea with chocolate? Scrawl your love with these chocolate pens or dive a little deeper with some Melt chocolate fondue.

Oysters: Probably the most widely known. These shellfish are loaded with zinc, which boosts the production of testosterone.  Testosterone has been linked to a higher sex drive. Oysters Rockefeller, anyone?

Pomegranates: This fruit is full of antioxidants, which protect the lining of blood vessels and allow more blood to pump through.  The result? Genitals as sensitive as a paper cut. Get your fix with a pomegranate martini or this pomegranate candle by Lelo.

Red Wine: This over-the-counter medicine contains resveratrol, an antioxidant that promotes increased blood flow and improves circulation before and during the deed. Moderate consumption of red wine has also been linked with heart benefits; however no studies have proven its aid in healing a broken heart. But, that doesn’t mean it’s not true.

Vanilla: It gently stimulates nerves, making sexual sensations feel oh, so much better. Who said vanilla was boring? Add a shot to your cup of joe, rub some essential oil on your neck or the inside of your wrists or slather on some of this edible vanilla massage oil.

In The Bucket List, Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman made to-do lists – before they died. But, thinking about death is depressing. If you’ve got to make a to-do list, it may as well be about something fun, like sex. Below is a list of five people who should be on everyone’s Sex Bucket List and a list of five who you should never make the cut.

The Five To Cross Off Your List:

• The Inappropriately Older Person: Higher education is revered, no? Sleeping with someone much older is like going to sex graduate school. You will be enlightened.
• The Playfully Younger Person: The opposite of the above. When you bang someone younger, you get to play professor. And, giving back is important, right?
• Your High School Sweetie: Most of us had a high school sweetheart, or that person we lusted after in high school. Don’t deny yourself any longer. Release all of that pent up curiosity.
• The Foreigner: So maybe you’re not able to travel. That doesn’t mean your body can’t enjoy the journey. Find your nearest foreigner and let him/her be your tour guide for the evening. Better yet, if you are able to explore the globe, find a private tour guide.
• Someone Not Your Type: Having sex with the same old, same old can become mundane. Step outside your comfort zone with someone atypical.

Don’t Even Think About It:

• Your Co-worker, Boss, or Subordinate: Um, uncomfortable and/or hostile work environment. And, that’s not even the worst of it. Mixing sex and work can turn into an ethical and sometimes, even legal situation.
• Neighbor: This is mainly meant for those of you who live in apartment complexes. Doing the walk of shame for all of your other neighbors to see will be awkward.
• A Person In Your Care: It’s unfortunate that this one has to be mentioned, but there are people who think it’s okay to sleep with their patients, students, etc. It’s not.
• The One Who Wouldn’t Give You The Time Of Day Back In The Day:  Why give the shallow swine the pleasure of delighting in your goodies now? Relish in his/her wonderment of what could have been.
• Any Relative: Again, this should go without saying, but…. In some US states it is legal to marry your first cousin. Eww.

One of the best things about society’s emerging openness around sexuality is the ability for people to honestly express their desires without fear of judgement from their partner. For this reason, prostate stimulation has become something straight couples are starting to explore more than in the past. There are a few reasons for this; the concept of equality in the bedroom (many straight girls who try anal with their partner want that action reciprocated by the men they’re sleeping with), the increased amount of information about male sexual pleasure and prostate stimulation, and the possible positive health benefits of prostate stimulation. If you and your male partner are new to prostate stimulation, or are just curious about trying it, there are several ways to make it a stress-free and enjoyable experience for both of you.

For those of you unacquainted, the prostate gland is exclusive to men, and has almost the same structure and function as the G-spot in women, which is why it can also be referred to as the “male G-spot.” The tissue around the prostate engorges when a man is aroused, is stimulated with a firm “come hither” motion, and can be stimulated on its own to cause orgasm. The biggest difference between the prostate gland and the G-spot is location. While the G-Spot is located inside the vaginal canal (though it can be indirectly stimulated through the rectum), the prostate is located in the rectum.

This is where those nasty societal biases start to come into play. Anal sex and stimulation for men has been socially constructed as an activity only gay men like (despite a number of straight men and women who enjoy anal stimulation), so a lot of straight men have hang-ups when it comes to trying any sort of anal activity, if it’s being performed on them, and some harbor the unfounded fear that liking anal stimulation means they might be gay. It’s important to know that no sexual activity is gay, straight, or anything else, without context. False societal notions are the only things that place any “value” on consensual sexual acts, which is why bondage is considered freaky, anal sex dirty, and female orgasm elusive (these are all sweeping, untrue exaggerations). If a straight man enjoys prostate stimulation while hooking up with a straight lady, then the act is inherently straight. Acting like stimulation of certain body parts is gay or straight falls apart with any sort of analysis. Lots of people of differing orientations like vaginas, breasts, penises, fingers, and other body parts. Attraction and desire define sexual orientation, not the sexual act being performed. Of course, stating this fact doesn’t make it easy for people to accept, but I promise it’s true. Enjoying prostate stimulation if you’re a straight guy is not going to make you gay.

As with any sexual activity, consent is key, and it’s especially important with anal stimulation because of the anatomy of the anus. We’ve all heard horror stories about that person who assumed their partner would be receptive to anal sex, and therefore initiates it without asking, engaging in foreplay, or using lube. These same rules apply for prostate play, and really, every kind of sexual activity. Make sure your partner is OK with you initiating anal play and keep asking as prostate stimulation progresses. Just like most women don’t appreciate a guy trying to have anal sex without warning, a guy isn’t going to be receptive to anything up his butt if he wasn’t asked and agreed to it. Just remember that anal activities require a lot of lube and a lot of love. If you plan on being able to take your biggest toy and use it on your partner the first time, you’re going to set yourself up for failure. Starting slow and small is going to give you both the best results, and it gives you an excuse to have more sexy time to work up to a butt plug, or introduce a strap-on into prostate stimulation. A good rule is to not place any expectations on what your prostate/anal play is going to look like, so you can enjoy it for what it is. It’s also entirely possible you’re partner will try prostate stimulation and decide he doesn’t enjoy it. This is OK too, but making sure you do things safely and slowly will help him decide if he enjoys it and wants to do it more often.

The best place to start with anal stimulation is foreplay. Generally, this means stimulating the outside of the anus to help prepare it for penetration and to create pleasure. A lot of straight women prefer to play with their guy’s butt while giving him a blow job. It’s easy to access the anus while performing fellatio, and since most guys really like blow jobs, combining one with first-time anal stimulation can help the situation be less stressful or intimidating because not all the focus will be on his butt. Because the anus has numerous nerve endings, stimulation of the outer sphincter is pleasurable for most people, and also helps the anus relax for penetration. Rubbing the outer sphincter with your finger, a small vibrator, or your tongue is the best way to get his butt ready for penetration (you can even use a little lube on your finger/toy to help!). Every guy likes different sensations, so make sure you ask him to give you feedback on what feels good. While one guy might prefer vibration, another might find it to be too much. If you are planning on engaging in analingus (rimming) remember that it is a form of oral sex, so the risk for contracting an STD or STI is the same as if you were performing oral sex on any other sexual organ. Additionally, the anus harbors bacteria that generally doesn’t exist on a penis or vagina, so using a dental dam or cut-open condom with your favorite flavored lube on it will ensure that everyone has a good, safe experience. If you’re going to move your mouth down to his anus, you can always move one hand up to his penis to stimulate it too. He’ll be getting stimulation on two erogenous zones, which is bound to get him ready for more.

Once you have your guy all revved up and ready to go with some foreplay, it’s time to move to penetration. As was mentioned earlier, you want to start small and slow. If you were combining anal stimulation and a blow job before, there’s no need to stop now; you can still access his butt with your fingers or a toy and perform fellatio at the same time. When he is comfortable, put a generous amount of lube on your fingers and start rubbing the outside of the anus and perineum. Then you can take one lubed-up finger and slowly slide it in his anus. This also works if you have a small toy to use. The Pro Touch by Tantus is one of the best first-time prostate toys because it is about the exact size and shape of an index finger. Just remember, anal penetration is going to be a different sensation than what he is used to, but it should never hurt. Once he’s comfortable with how your finger or toy feels when inserted, you can slowly start to move it in and out, which is how the prostate is stimulated best (similar to G-Spot stimulation). Once he’s feeling good you can decide to thrust faster, insert two fingers, or a switch to a toy that’s a little larger if he wants. You can also just stop here if he’s enjoying it. You don’t always have to move up in size to have fun with the prostate.

Penetration on it’s own isn’t always enough to stimulate the prostate, so there are some things you want to feel for. Much like the female G-Spot, the prostate becomes engorged when he’s aroused. You’ll be able to feel it with your fingers because it will feel like a walnut-sized bump about two inches inside the rectum. He’ll probably be able to feel if you’ve found it too, just like a lot of women do when their G-Spot is being stimulated. Make sure you watch and listen to his responses to your fingers or toys and ask him to let you know if something you’re doing feels good.

These are the basics of prostate stimulation for straight women who want to explore with their male partner. There are a lot of good beginner toys designed specifically for prostate stimulation, like the Aneros Helix and Naughty Boy, that he can use on his own to discover where his prostate is. You can use these toys together too. Some men will decide they don’t really enjoy prostate stimulation, some will love these beginner techniques and be satisfied, and others will want to explore more awesome prostate options with different toys, and might even want their girlfriend to use a strap-on with them. Since every straight couple is different, the best way to make sure prostate stimulation is stress-free is to communicate about what feels good and make sure everything is consensual (and make sure to use a lot of lube).

Relationships are one of the most common platforms for lying, with both men and women giving a stellar Pinocchio performance. Although dishonesty is unhealthy, I do think it’s worthwhile to try to understand why someone lies. It helps correct the core problem(s). And let’s face it; we all lie for different reasons. Women most often lie to spare someone’s feelings, make themselves look better, manipulate, or maintain control. Check out four of the most common lies women tell in a relationship to see if you’ve been a victim.

1. “You’re perfect, just the way you are.”

Come on, we all know no one is perfect. If a genie popped out of your beer bottle, I’m sure you wouldn’t turn down a wish to upgrade your girlfriend. Besides, we only use this line when we can see your self-esteem dying out like the dinosaurs. So really we just want to make you feel better, which means we really care about you.

2. “Nothing is wrong.”

If we need to say this, then most likely something is wrong. This is the mother of all of relationship lies. I don’t know one woman who hasn’t used this line, in a passive-aggressive manner. I admit, a lot of women think men are a long lost relative of Miss Cleo’s and therefore should know instinctively when something is bothering us. When it comes right down to it, we’re simply trying to manipulate you. We want attention, so do some gentle probing or dole out a little affection.

3. “You’re the best I’ve ever been with.”

I shouldn’t even have to tell you this one is a lie. Ever hear of ‘crime of passion’? Well, this fib is pretty much the same thing. Emotions can make women say either some really cruel or really sappy stuff.  But does it really matter? She’s sleeping with you.

4. “I’m just not looking for anything serious right now.”

If you’re worth it, she’s ready to be serious. I mean, I’m not about to tell Ryan Reynolds that I don’t want to be exclusive just because I feel like I have more living to do. Paris can wait. This line is code for, “I want to party more,” “I’m waiting for someone better to come along,” or “I’m just not that into you.” If you hear this, walk away because she’s using you and she’s not worth it.

Women, just like men can be super confusing. One more thing we have in common with each other? We all fall into certain behavior patterns; even more so when we’re in a relationship or shacking up. But, instead of getting all frustrated with your girlfriend and doing the whole on-again, off-again dating thing, try taking a shot at understanding where she’s coming from. It’s either that or be single guys, because I’m telling you, most all women do these things.

Picking Off Your Plate:  We need to be able to prove to ourselves, and any other woman who might be watching, that we have what it takes to utter those painful words, “I’ll just have a salad.” So while our saliva is wetting our lettuce from watching you bite into a delicious burger and fries, we know the calories won’t count if they come off of your plate.

Dressing to the Nines, No Matter What: It doesn’t matter if you’re taking us to a fancy dinner party or a baseball game, we’re gonna make sure we look good. You know, better than any other woman that will be there. And of course, we’re always holding out that you might have a surprise up your sleeve and whisk us away to someplace extra special.

Organizing Your Stuff: We like things pretty and we like to help; hence the new color-coding system you’ve got going on in your closet and the easier to access dinnerware arrangement in your kitchen. There, now doesn’t that explanation make our little invasion a little easier to swallow?

Telling You Everyone’s Drama: Because you care so much about us, we think you also care about all of our co-workers, friends, and beloved reality TV stars. We don’t realize you don’t give a damn.  But because you’re, like, our best friend we must tell you – everything – about these people. It truly makes us feel better, especially when you take our side.

Bathroom Field Trips: You know as well as we do that we don’t actually have to pee in there. These restroom excursions are used as personal gossip booths. When one of our girls announces she has to go pee, we follow suit because we just never know what secrets she’s gotta spill in there. And yes, it most likely has something to do with men.

With titles like When Harry Ate Sally, ET: The Extra Testicle, and The Bare Bitch Project, it’s no wonder porn has a bad wrap. But, not all porn is of the absurd nature. In fact, porn’s intimidating nature is disintegrating and actually more and more women are seeking it out – to invigorate their sex lives. According to Nielsen/Net ratings in 2007, about one in every three adult Web site visitors was female. During this same time, approximately 13 million American women were looking at porn online every month.

I equate it to cooking; hell I equate most things to cooking. You gotta try a new recipe every once in awhile – even if it’s daunting – or things get a little, um, stale. Last weekend I went to a BBQ and was asked to bring a dish. I had a recipe stashed away that I’d been dying to try for over a year, but hadn’t because I thought only Julia Child could pull it off. I decided to suck it up (a glass of wine that is) and dove in. My dish got rave reviews and my friends harassed me for the recipe. Of course I gave it to them (with a few minor alterations). Had I not tried a little something different, I would have brought the same ole boring thing to the party, and my friends would have faked their excitement.

Nothing need be faked with porn. Well, in the physiological department that is. A 2006 study performed at McGill University observed genital temperature changes to measure sexual arousal in men and women by showing them clips of porn. Researches discovered that both sexes were aroused within 30 seconds. Women reached maximum arousal in about 12 minutes, while men took only about 11.

Many people use porn as a toy, either with their partner or alone. It’s a source of empowerment, or a tool of exploration for them. Many critics and feminists may argue that porn exploits women, etc. I consider myself a feminist (the equality kind), so if women own their sexuality, really what is there to exploit?

It’s no secret that most women hold the key when it comes to sex and it’s also no secret that most men want to unlock it. Well guys, forget the damn key. Below are eight ways that will have you looking like Houdini in no time:

1. Use Your Gentlemanly Ways: There’s a reason why acting like a gentleman always wins out in the end. It works. So the next time you’re out with your girl open the car door for her, and if you notice she’s chilly take off your coat and offer it to her. I promise she’ll take off a little more for you next time.

2. Act Like A Man: And by that I mean, take control. This is how it was meant to be, you know in primitive times. And as much as some women hate to admit it, they love it. Few things make us want to give all of us you, more than you taking the lead and planning our evening together. So when you call her, don’t make her do the work for your date. Let her know what time you’ll be there and where you’d like to take her. She’ll show her appreciation later.

3. Get a Life: As much as we say we want you all to ourselves, we don’t. I mean, we really want to share you with your friends. There’s no bigger turn-off than a man who can’t function alone. Codependency is a sickness. So go play rugby with the guys, volunteer on the weekend as a BigBrother, go on that business trip, take an art class; we’ll be eagerly waiting for you – in bed.

4. Be a Sweet Talker: Tell her she’s beautiful, smart, sexy, and everything you’ve ever wanted – and mean it. Most women can sniff out a phony.

5. Keep Secrets: No woman likes a man with a Texas sized ego – it screams insecurity. We find it much more impressive and irresistible when you let it ‘slip’ that you graduated from Harvard or take your mom to brunch every Sunday. So be modest, and we won’t.

6. Don’t Always Be the Giver: Remember when your parents made you get a job so you could learn the value of and appreciate money? Well, relationships with women are kind of the same. If you do everything for her, she’s not going to appreciate you or the sex. So, don’t. After all, relationships are about the give and take. So on occasion let her cook you dinner, pick you up, or rent the movie.

7. Take it Slow: Brush your hand against her cheek after a gentle kiss, or cup her face in your hands while you tell her something very intimate. She’ll melt right into your sheets.

8. Be a Smarty Pants: Seriously, it’s hard to resist a man with a strong vocabulary. So say something witty, discuss the novel you just finished, or rant about the latest article you read in The New York Times. Her clothes will have dropped to the floor before you’re done uttering the word, ‘licentious’