There’s nothing wrong with being single, but come on, let’s face it, with Valentine’s Day right around the corner, being part of a couple is nice. Sometimes we’re alone because we actually want to be. Other times, however, it’s because dating freaks us the hell out, so we hide in our singledom like the Sock Monster hides in the dryer. Nothing wrong with hiding out for a little while, but it becomes a problem when you lose yourself in a bowl of cookie dough and cat hair. Check out the signs of being single too long, below.

1.  No standards:  We’d all like to pride ourselves on high standards. But when you’ve gone without any sort of action for a prolonged period of time, the word standard, quite frankly, has no meaning. The malodorous, homeless person roaming the library or the stoned, aimless drifter on the light rail actually starts to look appealing.  *Get a grip. Keep your head and your standards high. You will regret this decision and it will come back to haunt you. I promise.

2.  You cyber-stalk your ex: You plug your exes’ names into Google, including social networking sites, like Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter hoping to give mouth to mouth to a romance that’s been dead for eight years. *Do not torture yourself. Your relationship didn’t survive for a reason and you only want it back now because you’ve got nothing else going on. Step away from the computer. Call a friend. Take a shower. Turn on some music. Exercise. Whatever. Just remember, you’re exes for a reason.

3.  Paranoia: When someone smiles at you or gives you the once over, you automatically assume (s)he’s eyeing your cameltoe or smirking at your moobs. Because you’ve been out of the dating scene for so long, your confidence has shriveled like a prune and you’re oblivious to all the flirtatious happenings surrounding you. *Act like a swan, baby, and you can attract anyone.

4.  Bitter: When your friends of the opposite sex ask how you’re doing, you don’t hold back. You tell them how much their gender sucks, how you’ve been screwed over time and time again, and how you just want to find someone nice. Why can’t you find someone nice? Well, probably because people aren’t going to stick around to hear how terrible they are. *Maybe the problem lies inside? Have you been severely hurt by a past relationship? Did and ex’s infidelity cause you to be distrustful? Do some self-evaluating and see what’s holding you back. Once you do, you’ll feel so much lighter – and happier!

5.  You toy around with the idea of switching teams: And, I’m not talking about who you’re rooting for during the Super Bowl. After being single for so long, you may start to question your sexuality. It feels like you’re not making a connection with men, so maybe you were meant to be a lesbian? Or vice versa. *Most likely, you’re just in a rut.

6.  You’re nitpicky: You find something wrong with every person you date. And we’re not talking valid concerns, like a 450 pound, unemployed, thrice divorced, rage-aholic. No, you will cut a potential loose for reasons of no merit: her nostrils are uneven, he eats his fries before biting into his burger, her parents didn’t go to college or he drive a Honda. *When we judge others, we’re usually judging ourselves. What’s going on here is that you’re petrified of dating, so rather than do it, you get out of it by finding things wrong with your dates. I get it. Dating is super scary business. But, so is being alone for the rest of your life, right? In the words of Nike: Just. Do. It. Really, you’ll be happy you did.

7.  You push people away like they’re lawnmowers: It can be hard to allow yourself to be vulnerable after not being close to someone for a long time. So when someone tries to get close, you push away. They try harder and you push harder. It’s a vicious cycle, really. You’re scared that when you finally do open yourself up, the person will leave you. *The only way you’ll ever have true intimacy is by sharing who you really are. It’s okay, you can go slow.

Get started on your dating life by feeling sexy in a corset or panties from Fascinations! Or, if you’re already part of a dating duo, hook your SO up with some fabulous Valentine’s Day gifts, like Shunga Chocolate Body Paint, Love is Art or the Heart Wedge!

While it can be fun to spoil your partner with things that are just for them this Valentine’s Day, it’s also fun to pick out gifts that are fun for both of you! Luckily, Fascinations carries tons of items that are made for couples to enjoy that will turn a typical Valentine’s Day into a spectacular one. While we all like to be selfless, when it comes to sex, mutual pleasure can be just as fun, and these gifts will definitely get used well beyond February 14th. So, if you’re looking for some awesome couple’s items this Valentine’s Day, or need a good excuse to get some fun things for you and your partner, this list is a good place to start.

We-Vibe 3

The We-Vibe 3 is the latest iteration of one of the most popular couple’s toys ever. This toy is made to be worn during sex, and vibrates on both sides. The smaller side inserts in the vagina and vibrates on the G-Spot, while the larger side rests on the labia and clitoris. The toy then sits in place during penetration and stimulates the penis during penetration as well. It was designed for straight couples, but there’s not reason this toy can’t be used by all couples, so don’t let that limit you. The design makes the toy a lot more intimate than the traditional vibrating cock rings because it keeps all the stimulation on the G-spot and clitiors, as opossed to a vibrating ring, which stops stimulating when the person wearing it moves away. There are a few great upgrades that make it well worth the investment. The We-Vibe 3 still charges like the previous models, but the charger no longer plugs in. instead, the toy sits in a dock, which plugs into the wall. This not only makes ite easier to charge, but makes it 100% waterproof and submersible. It also has more power that the previous, which is great, and comes with a wireless remote to control it with, which makes it easier to control during sex, or if you want to get really creative, your partner can wear it out while you keep the remote in your pocket or purse. Because of the design of the We-Vibe 3, it’s recommended to use it with some water-based lube.

System Jo 2 to Tango

A lot of times, spicing up sex is as simple as trying something different, and System Jo’s 2 to Tango lube duo is a good place to start. Similar to other couple’s lubes on the market, 2 to Tango includes a warming and a cooling lube that you can use together or seperately. The neat thing about this particular product is that one lube is silicone-based and one water-based, so they don’t mix together, meaning the guy’s lube stays with the guy and the lady’s lube stays with her. The silicone lube is the cooling one, and is “for her” and the water-based lube is warming (with a little bit of desensitizing thrown in) and is “for him.” If you’re not someone who wants to mix the sensations, the other advantage to buying the 2 to Tango is that you get a cooling and warming lube in a set for an affordable price instead of having to buy them seperately.

Love Is Art

This kit is an ultimate couple’s activity if you want to have a sexually adventurous Valentine’s Day. The Love is Art kit comes with a bed-sized canvass and hypoallergenic black body paint, so you and your partner can paint each other’s bodies however you would like. After you’re painted each other wherever you want, the whole point is to have some hot sex on top of the cnvass, so the paint transfers while you’re having a good time. When you’re all done rolling around with each other, you’ve created an abstract work of art that can be hung in your bedroom, or other room in your house, as a reminder of your lust for each other.

Liberator Throe

Off the bat, you might wonder what’s so great about getting a blanket for your partner for Valentine’s Day, which is what the Liberator Throe masquerades as to the naked eye. However, there is a lot more than meets the eye here, and you’ll soon find out why it’s an awesome gift for both of you. As with every Liberator product, the Throes are completely liquid resistant meaning that you can have sexy time on on top of one and then throw it aside when your done, and climb into a warm bed that’s free of excess lube, body paint, or wet spots. If you decide to get the Love is Art kit mentioned above and make an art project with your partner, you can lay the Throe down before you get down and dirty to make sure you don’t get any paint on your sheets or bedspread. Also, if you or your partner happens to be a squirter, or have particularly sloppy sex, you’ll never have to worry about laying down towels or changing the sheets again.

Lelo Lyla

If one of your favorite things to do is tease your partner until they’re practically begging to climb into bed with you, the Lyla is perfect. This chargebale remote wireless bullet is made for insertion, or it can sit in panties. Have your partner wear the bullet how they want, and keep the remote with you while you’re out on your Valentine’s date. Because the remote vibrates in sync with the bullet, you’ll know exactly what your partner is feeling and be able to tease them as little, or as much, as you want. Plus, once you get home, you can use the Lyla like a traditional bullet during foreplay. Lelo’s toys are virtually silent and well-made, so you don’t have to worry that someone will catch on to what’s going on. The Lelo Oden and The We-Vibe 3 are also wireless remote toys that charge and can work the same way.

While Valentine’s Day is often used as an excuse to spoil your partner, it’s sometimes more fun to get gifts that will be fun for both of you. At Fascinations, everything we carry is meant to enhance couple’s sex lives, so there are a lot of fun things to choose from that will stimulate and excite both of you this month. Plus, a fun toy or bedroom accessory is likely to get used much more often than a box of chocolates or neck tie will.

I’ve been asked, as well as done the asking, about how to know if it’s really love.  I’ve since realized if you have to ask, there’s no way it can be love. Because when you’re in love with someone, you just know, right? I mean, love changes everything, even your physiology – sometimes annoyingly so. But for those of you who insist on making sense of your emotions, I went ahead and broke down the drug’s intoxicating effects:

 

1.     You’re Manic: And I’m not just talking on Mondays – I mean all the time. Your body could use a serious dose of Lithium. You can’t sleep and you really don’t want to because you’ve got copious amounts of energy and you want to use all of it on your lovah; either watching them sleep or having sexy time. Your appetite is nil and food is the furthest thing from your mind. You just want to nibble on, well, you know.  Want to point fingers? Blame it on the elevated levels of dopamine and norepinephrine that have saturated your brain and lowered your serotonin levels.

2.       Rose Colored Glasses: Things that once mattered to you or you once thought of as relationship deal-breakers, no longer seem important. Maybe a divorcee was previously off-limits to you, but after Cupid lodged his arrow in your back, you’re open to the idea. Or maybe you were a commitment-phobe and marriage totally freaked you out, but now you can actually envision yourself walking down the aisle without having to soothe yourself with whisky or a therapy session afterward.

3.       You’re Awkward: The term “love bug” didn’t just slither out of nowhere.  When you fall for someone, it’s normal to feel nauseous, shaky, and flushed. You know, like you have some sort of weird virus. A lot of us revert back to our awkward teenage years, stammering all over ourselves, talking word salad, and leaving sweaty imprints behind.

4.       You Want To Be Better: You want to improve yourself and reach ah-mazing goals because it’s no longer just about you. It’s about “us” and “we” now.  You want to make this special someone proud because and they’re your motivation, in a way. Maybe it’s as simple as revamping your fashion style or maybe it’s a little deeper, like finishing your college degree, going up for that promotion at work, or maybe a spiritual endeavor.

5.       You Don’t Think About Anyone Else: Ryan Gosling who? Yeah, that’s right, when you’re in love the only person you want to be sexually and emotionally aroused by is the person you’ve fallen so deeply for. This romantic love evokes feelings of attachment, comfort, calmness, safety and security.

Show your significant other just how much you’re in love with a gift from Funlove.com this Valentine’s Day!

It’s pretty easy to know whether or not you’re an adventurous person who will jump onto a rollercoaster without signing a will and saying your last goodbyes. It’s also fairly easy to know if you’re an adventurous eater. You know, a person who braves the eats like Andrew Zimmerman.  The adventure line blurs right around where sex surfaces. This makes sense because sex can be very complicating. In other words, it can be difficult to determine whether you’re daring or demure, in the sack.

According to sex therapist, Ian Kerner, there are two types of people when it comes to sex: comfort creatures and thrill seekers. Comfort creatures like to keep sex in the confines of their homes, with one partner, and tend to stick to a few trusted positions. Thrill seekers, clearly, are the opposite. They get off on trying new positions, in new locations, and spicing things up with sex toys and different partners. In a perfect world, a couple of comfort creatures or thrill seekers would be together – all of the time – because they would be on the same sexual wave length. But, as we all know, we don’t live in a perfect world. So, how does it work when a thrill seeker and comfort creature want to hook-up?

Understandably, this is a common issue as most people don’t discover they’re mismatched until further into the relationship. Kerner attributes this to “infatuation hormones,” which mask any incompatibility there may be between the sheets. In other words, you’re so busy getting it on you don’t notice you’re into S&M and he’s into spooning until the infatuation begins to fade.  Which is where the trouble starts, and when you might look at your partner and think: Cuddling, again, really?

By no means do these different sexual types have to be a deal-breaker, though. After all, the brain is the utmost sexual organ. So express yourself with it and all will be good…with a little compromise.

While it’s much more fun to talk about the “do’s” of sex, there are some questions Fascinations associates are frequently asked that require a more nuanced explanation of why you should “just say no.” Vaginal tightening creams are one of the items we are asked for in our stores, and many people are confused when they find out that we don’t carry any tightening gels, creams or sprays. If you are interested in why Fascinations doesn’t carry these products anymore, or are thinking about trying a tightening cream, read the following information before making that choice.

The basic premise of a vaginal tightening cream is that it is applied inside the vaginal canal before intercourse, and as it takes effect, it causes the vagina to tighten. Over time, the effect wears off, so more cream must be applied. Extended use of a tightening cream does not permanently strengthen the PC muscles, or result in a “tighter” vagina. While the concept of tightening cream is appealing to many people, it’s important to question why our society feels the need to produce products that promote an unrealistic image of vaginas that doesn’t live up to reality. Additionally, the question of how these creams work brings up some safety and sexual health issues to be aware of.

Every person’s vagina is different in lots of ways including shape, color, hair (or lack-of), and tightness. Promoting an ideal that vaginas are only good if they are “tight” fails to acknowledge the diversity of different vaginas and creates a false ideal which creates insecurity in people who have vaginas, and unrealistic expectations in people who like vaginas. So, let’s get this out of the way here: No matter what you (or someone else’s) vagina looks or feels like, it’s awesome and shouldn’t be any other way. There has never been a universal vagina mold that all vaginas aspire to imitate, and however tight, hairy, or colorful your vagina is, it’s cool just the way it is. This is not to say that vaginas don’t change over time, and become less tight than they used to be; this is a fact of life, and is generally caused by weakened PC muscles due to childbirth or age. However, the use of a tightening gel isn’t going to solve these common health problems, and there is a much better long term way to strengthen the PC muscles, without the possible negative health effects.

Besides the more theoretical implications of the demand for tightening creams, it’s also important to understand how these creams work, and why they might not be the best choice if you want to strengthen your PC muscles. Almost all tightening gels and creams contain alum, which is the same ingredient in most deodorants. This means that every time you apply a tightening cream, it is “tightening” the vagina by absorbing all the natural moisture. This can mean pain with any sort of penetration (since there’s little to no natural lubricant), which doesn’t sound too fun. Additionally, alum has been known to irritate people who have sensitive skin, and can be painful if your body is not compatible with it. On a more serious health note, alum may contribute to an increased risk of Alzheimer’s, and while there is no conclusive link, it’s often best to avoid items that contain ingredients that might be bad for you, especially if you’re using that item internally, and if there are other alternatives available.

On a more economic note, it ends up costing a lot of money to keep buying a tightening gel for every sexual encounter, since it has no permanent effect, so you have to keep using it no matter what to keep the same results. Anyone can strengthen their PC muscles (which will help with vaginal tightness, orgasm control, and incontinence prevention) permanently by investing in a good set of Kegel Balls (like the Ami, or Smartballs) and some water-based lube. You can also use a graduated bar like the NJoy Fun Wand or Icicles No 8 to aid in the strengthening of the PC muscles as well. These toys have the added effect of permanently strengthening the vaginal muscles, meaning the results will be evident over time, and not something that lasts for a few minutes at a time. If you want more detailed information on PC muscle exercise, you can refer to our blog post here.

In the end, the short-term advantages of tightening gels don’t seem outweigh the other issues that may arise when using them, so it’s recommended to exercise your PC muscles the traditional way (with a Kegel bar or Kegel balls) that will lead to long-term health benefits and a happier sex life. Generally, if something seems like a quick fix to a sexual health concern, it’s probably too good to be true. Improving your sex life and/or sexual health almost always requires some time and energy.

1.       Biting: You are not acting out a seen from The Vampire Diaries, so simmer down. Men do not want their penis clamped between your teeth like a bite guard and women don’t want their lady flower or lady bits gnawed on. Some tender nibbling and licking will do just fine, thankyouverymuch. Check out this book, The Ultimate Guide to Oral Sex, for some tips on fellatio.

2.       Hush: This is no time to hone in on your mime skills, unless of course, you’re banging in a library. An orgasm should be announced and celebrated.  So, in the words of J. Lo, “Get Loud!”

3.       Food Network: As with most things, there’s a time and a place. And, bed is rarely the time or place for food. If you pounce onto your partner, rolled in cherry pie filling or wielding a Tostino’s pizza, I guarantee a sexy night is not in your future. You’ll end your night with a walk through the nearest car wash. This doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a little sweetness; just make sure it’s bedroom safe. Fascinations offers some exquisite chocolate body paint and play pens, so you can decorate and devour your partner.

4.       Serious Convo: If you mention your parent’s divorce, grandfather’s funeral, or recent firing during a banging session, we will simply answer “uh-huh” because that’s all anyone is really capable of at such a time. So, back off with the Debbie Downer stuff. If you must talk, say something sexy or a little dirty. The book, Sex is Fun, gives great tips on talking dirty and other ways to spice up your sex life!

5.       Off Limits: Don’t try going somewhere that you haven’t already been given the okay to do.

Trying to impress a woman by telling her you can have sex for hours, will do no such thing. In fact, it will make her run faster than Usain Bolt. When a woman has sex, she wants to know there’s an end in sight. She doesn’t want a quickie to turn into a marathon. And, really, no man wants that either, because while you’re thrusting away, she’ll be making her to-do list. So, let’s solve this delayed ejaculation issue. Any one, or combination, of factors can be to blame.

• Psychological: Mental health symptoms or illnesses, such as depression or anxiety; stress about your relationship, children, or finances; fatigue; guilt revolving around religion; not being attracted or interested in your partner.

• Physical: Any birth defects affecting the reproductive system; spinal cord injuries; prostate surgery/infection; urinary tract infection; heart disease or strokes; diabetes; pelvic nerve damage.

• Drugs/Alcohol: Drinking too much alcohol or using illicit drugs.

• Prescribed Medications: Many antidepressants; certain high blood pressure medications; some diuretics; certain antipsychotic medications.

• Masturbating: When you masturbate frequently, your penis gets used to the feeling of your hand, which doesn’t quite feel like a vagina, and therefore has a difficult time achieving orgasm.

• Age: Older men are at an increased risk.

Treatment:

• Therapy: Individual or sex therapy can be very helpful to sort out any psychological issues. Some therapy may involve playful homework that involves reducing performance pressure.

• Communicating: Talking to your partner about any fears or feelings you have will create a safe environment, increasing intimacy and easing psychological stress.

• Self-care: Getting enough rest, meditating, exercising, and eating right will all aid in making you come more quickly.

• Masturbating: If you’re a frequent masturbator and feel it may be contributing to delayed ejaculation, don’t throw out the Vaseline just yet. Just change up your style. Since your penis got used to the old way of jacking off, it’s time to shake things up and confuse it a little.

• Hypnosis: This option is typically used in conjunction with therapy or when one partner does not want to participate in therapy.

Instead of making the same old New Year’s Resolution again about how you’re finally going to drop those last five pounds or quit smoking, how about making one that will really benefit you – and the one you love. That’s right, resolve to last longer in bed. Below are five sure fire ways to help you avoid the utterly embarrassing, status-post wrinkled penis explosion.

Masturbate

When you masturbate, think about a woman orgasming. (Sure, you can envision Great Grandma Ester; whatever makes you last.) Get yourself almost to the point of blowing it – approximately 12 minutes or so. Just practice. It’s called endurance, guys.

Kegel Exercise

The Pubococcygeus (PC) muscle controls the flow of urine and semen. The stronger this baby is, the longer you’ll last. So, stop focusing on squats and start focusing on Kegels. When you’re hovering over the urinal, cut off the flow of urine and then start and stop; hold for a count of 10 and release. Do 30 reps and call it a day.  Once you’ve mastered it, you can practice at your desk, in the grocery store, but probably not while you’re doing squats.

Chivalry

Sex can induce a lot of pressure on a guy. But, you know what alleviates some of that unnecessary pressure? Making her come first. When your partner orgasms first, the anxiety you feel to please her dissipates, which is an underlying factor in premature ejaculation.

Saddle Up

Positioning is everything, especially when you’re prone to premature ejaculation. With your partner on top, your penis is less stimulated and therefore, you will be able to go the distance.

Don’t Think

Be in the moment. The more attention you give something, the more likely it is to happen. Your mind is powerful. So, enjoy the amazing sensations in your body and simply enjoy them.

We don’t expect you to go at this alone. Below are a couple amazing options that will make your job so much easier.

• Desensitizing Gel, such as System Jo Prolonger, which improves ejaculation control and stamina.

• A Cock Ring, which is worn around the base of a man’s phallus, constricts the vessels leading in and out of the penis. The result is a rock hard boner as well as delayed and heightened orgasms. Check out the Rock Hard Power Kit or the Quick Release Cock Cage.

After years of hoping for better quality vibrating panties and wireless remote bullets, Lelo and We-Vibe have delivered with the first chargeable toys that come with wireless remotes, and they’re as fun and durable as can be. Lelo’s Lyla and Oden, and the We-Vibe 3, may be three of the greatest toys ever made (OK, I’m just really excited about them), especially if you’re looking for high quality remote-operated toys. The biggest complaint about these toy’s battery-operated counterparts is that they take tiny batteries that run out quickly, are expensive, and are impossible to find. Once you use up the batteries that come with most wireless remote bullets or vibrating panties, you have to go on a scavenger hunt to find more. The Lyla, Oden, and We-Vibe 3 solve this battery problem for good and make teasing and pleasing your partner easier with sleek, well-designed toys.

The Lyla is a 100% silicone bullet-style toy with a wireless remote (most similar to other wireless remote bullets). The bullet part of the Lyla charges (after no more than two hours), and the remote takes 2 AAA batteries, which means that in a crunch, you can just pop the batteries out of your TV remote control if needed. It also has a handy retrieval cord, which means you can insert it, give your partner the remote, and start the fun. It can also be used externally for clitoral stimulation. Of course, if you’re going to be wearing the Lyla internally for an extended period of time, you want to use a water-based lube with it, so it doesn’t become uncomfortable. The bullet is probably a little too large to be discreet if inserted in a pair of panties, so if that’s your goal, you probably want to look at the Oden instead.

The Oden may seem to be a perplexing shape at first sight, but it’s form only adds to it’s function. The ring at the bottom of the Oden means it can easily be slipped around the base of the penis for some added stimulation during intercourse. If you’re using it this way, it’s probably best that he lie on his back and you get on top to keep the toy in place and control your contact with it. However, the neatest design aspect of the Oden is that it’s flat, and curved, to easily fit in the front of a pair of panties, so it works as a smarter (and quieter) alternative to vibrating panties. The bullet part of the Oden charges and the remote takes 2 AAA batteries, just like the Lyla.

Even with the smart and sleek designs of the Lyla and the Oden, one of the coolest design features is in the remote control. The remote that comes with each of these toys comes with SenseMotion technology, which operates in a few different ways. If you’re using the button controls on the remote, a small motor in the remote vibrates at the same speed as it does in the bullet, so you know what type of vibration your partner is feeling. No other wireless remote toys have this feature, which is helpful in being able to tease your partner exactly how you want without having to remember what setting the toy is on. However, the awesomeness doesn’t stop there. A second setting on the remote allows you to hold it in your hand and move it left and right, similar to a dial, which will increase the intensity of the vibration. It’s almost impossible to describe how intuitive this technology is without holding the bullet in one hand and the remote in the other and checking it out for yourself.

Both the Oden and Lyla are great wireless bullets with different purposes, but if you want an entirely handsfree couple’s toy, the We-Vibe 3 is a perfect option. The We-Vibe 3 is the exact same thing as the We-Vibe 2, which means it is a 100% silicone U-shaped toy with a vibrator for the G-Spot and one for the clitoris, but it is thin enough to be worn during sex, which means it stimulates your partner’s penis a lot more than your standard vibrating cock ring, since it sits inside the vagina. The We-Vibe 3 is different from the We-Vibe 2 in three ways; it has a wireless remote, it is fully submergible, and it has more power. If you want to change the We-Vibe 3‘s speed, you just click the remote until you find the perfect speed or pulsation setting instead of having to reach between you and your partner to hit the button. Of course, using it in the exact same way as the We-Vibe 2 would be boring, and since the We-Vibe 3 includes the wireless remote, you can insert one side and let the other side sit against your clit in a pair of panties and go out on the town. With any of the We-Vibe models, using a water-based lube is recommended to make the experience as slippery and comfortable as possible.

Instead of spending an endless amount of money on small batteries, or fretting about vibrating panties and remote bullets that are too loud to wear in public, you now have three great silicone, chargeable options to choose from. If you’re looking for an insertable wireless bullet, the Lelo Lyla is the way to go. If you want a toy you can use a vibrating cock ring, or panty vibrator, the Lelo Oden is probably right for you. And if you want a toy that stimulates both you and your partner if used during sex, but can also be put in a pair of panties for a night on the town, the We-Vibe 3 is probably best for you.

Amongst other things, the holidays are the perfect excuse to get your drink on. But, as people often lose sight of the true meaning of the holidays, they often lose sight of the true meaning of someone’s drink of choice. A lady’s drink of choice, in particular. Women and their drink of choice can be a bit tricky to figure out. Below is a guide. You should take it to the bar with you. Seriously.

The Foo-Foo, Umbrella Drink: Any chick slurping a frosty beverage through a straw that’s been dunked into a glass decorated with paper parasols, plastic swords, fruit and/or fireworks, is a child in disguise. Seriously, if her drink looks like a carnival, back away. With this one, you’ll have to worry about curfew and kiddie menus.

Martini: Ah, the classic gin or vodka martini. This woman appreciates the taste of alcohol and enjoys a deep discussion or heated debate.

Screwdriver: Does anyone even order these things anymore? Well, they shouldn’t. This is a drink for the inexperienced, or college co-eds. Ladies drinking OJ and vodka really don’t like the taste of alcohol and want to feel better about imbibing by just tasting orange juice.

Red Wine: A nice glass of Pinot or Malbec screams sophistication. But, there are some wino imposters out there, so observe how she actually drinks the wine. If she grips the glass with both hands or soaks her face while trying to catch the aroma, she’s not legit.

White Wine: Unless you spot her in the middle of the desert, trying to cool off with a crisp glass of Sauvignon Blanc, this lady is probably an imposter or novice. People who drink white wine are typically beginners and like the wine buzz much more than the wine taste. Look on the bright side, you could teach her a few things.

Bloody Mary: She’s probably an alcoholic, or just really serious about getting the daily recommended five servings of vegetables in for the day.

Cosmo: A woman sipping this highly overrated cocktail has expensive taste. She may be a gold digger, or at the very least, expect you to buy her another cosmo.

Sex on the Beach: This girl is either in her early 20’s or wishing she was. This woman probably hasn’t been laid in a while and thinks saying the word ‘sex’ is cute and will miraculously send her spinning into an orgasm.

Beer: This is a guy’s girl. She enjoys a good time and can acclimate to any situation.

After a night (or day) of drinking, you’re going to want to make sure you can perform. So, get some sexual supplements from Fascinations. The Rock Hard Weekend is an excellent choice; you can take it with booze and be as hard as steel within 30 minutes or less! Stiff One is another excellent option to ensure readiness.

So drink, bang and be merry!