Meg,

I saw you on Fox 10 News this morning and thought I’d ask you…

My wife has little to NO sex drive at all.  I love her dearly, but as a typical male, I would like to be intimate with her a couple times a month.  As we are approaching almost a year now, I wonder if there are options for her to increase that missing drive.  Now I can’t avoid some of the blame as I could be more attentive to her needs and focus more on her love language, but I still wonder if she has a lack of a certain hormone or something.  She could go for years without sex and it wouldn’t bother her.  Me on the other hand; it’s driving me nuts.

Advice?

J.D.

Dear J.D.

Firstly, thanks for tuning in and taking the time to write me.

Now, for the important stuff. If I take only the information that you provided, it sounds like your wife is suffering from Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD), which is very real and classified as a sexual dysfunction disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders IV (DSM). The essence of HSDD is the lack of desire for sexual activity and the distress it’s causing – both of you.

I say, “take only the information that you give me” because there may be a slew of other things going on here. We must first rule out other possibilities. When a woman’s sex drive dies, emotions are usually to blame. So, if your wife is going through an emotional time, is stressed out, or anxious about something, this could be why her libido is lacking. Is your wife taking antidepressants? These babies are notorious for slaughtering sex drives around the world. If she’s on one with loss of libido listed as a side effect, she can easily speak to her doc and talk about getting a med change.

Other substances – legal or illegal – can impact sex drive. In particular, anti-seizure medications, beta-blockers, anti-psychotics, and of course alcohol and illicit drugs can do a number on a lady’s libido. Speaking of medications, is your wife physically healthy? Diabetes, hypertension, arthritis and other medical illnesses can kill sex drive.

You mention that you two are newlyweds, so I’m assuming your wife is on birth control pills, or at least has been in the past. Well, if her pills contain both estrogen and progesterone, you may have found the culprit. Pills containing both of these hormones increase sex-binding globulin which is a protein in the blood stream that binds with testosterone. As I’m sure you’re aware, testosterone is one of the key hormones linked to desire and has a direct impact on a woman’s libido.

As noted above, hormones are incredibly powerful.  And, as you suggest, your wife may have a hormone-related issue. I’m not sure how old she is, but menopause may be a possibility. It is considered the most common cause of decreased libido. During menopause, estrogen levels plummet, causing a lower interest in sex and vaginal dryness.

If your wife is grossly underweight or malnourished, she could very well be harming her libido, as this too, affects hormone levels. Many underweight women are anemic, which again, affects sex drive.

It sounds like you’re in touch with your feminine side and are emotionally tuned-in to your wife as you mentioned “love language.” I don’t hear a lot of men refer to that, so props to you! But, as I touched on above, your wife could be experiencing some emotional “stuff.” Sexual trauma is a huge issue in women with no sex drive, for obvious reasons. Also, her body image may be suffering. With the pressure and expectations from our culture for women to look a certain way, many women suffer from body image issues, so check in with her and make sure she feels beautiful and sexy.

Lastly, how’s your marriage? Are there any unresolved relationship issues in regard to trust, intimacy, or communication, etc.? If a woman is struggling, internally, with such an issue, the problem may manifest sexually.

Keep us posted and best of luck!

Best,

Meg

Ask Meg is a series in which a reader/customer writes in to our love expert, Meg, with a relationship/sex question. Kind of like Dear Abby, but with more sex! Meg has her master’s in clinical psychology, works as a crisis counselor and has over 15 years of experience in behavioral health, specializing in relationships and sex. If you have a question, email Meg at mkrein@fascinations.net.

Hi Meg,

So, in the past I’ve had a huge problem with premature ejaculation and I feel like it has ended some of my better relationships. I never know what to tell girls or what to do after it happens because I am so embarrassed and it’s just super awkward. I guess I could really use some advice on how to approach girls with this and some ways that I could make myself last longer, permanently.

Thanks,

D

Dear D:

Whenever I feel embarrassed about something or find something “super awkward” I address it – openly. I’ve found that people respond favorably to this method and it tends to lighten the mood. And, believe me; I’ve had plenty of these experiences. Clearly, I’ve never had the issue of premature ejaculation (PE) though, but I can appreciate the humiliating aspect.

As a clinician, I’ve diagnosed plenty of patients with this condition. PE is coded in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV) as a sexual dysfunction disorder. This sounds much more serious than it is. But, let me quote something straight from the manual, “Premature Ejaculation may create tension in a relationship. Some unmarried males hesitate to begin dating new partners out of fear of embarrassment from the disorder.” Sounds like you can relate, huh?

You don’t mention the onset of your issue, which is important. But, because you use the term “girls” I’m going to gather that you are younger. And, by younger, I’m assuming maybe in your late teens to early 20’s. I’d also be interested to know if you’ve ever ejaculated normally. Typically, premature ejaculation (PE) is seen in younger males and is present from their first attempt at intercourse. Conversely, men who have normal sexual function for a period and then develop PE, anxiety is usually the culprit. When I say anxiety, I’m talking severe performance anxiety. Some men develop intense anxiety when getting frisky with a new partner. I mean, it is stressful. Of course, there are other possibilities, such as erectile dysfunction (ED) or substance abuse (ex: men who suddenly stop drinking booze regularly may develop PE because they depended on the alcohol to delay orgasm instead of behavioral methods).

Okay, so now, how to stop it. Well, if you’ve determined it’s performance anxiety you’re suffering from, you need to communicate it, whether it’s to the girl(s) you’re dating or a therapist. Talking – about anything – helps.  Men, often times, hold things inside. Don’t do this. Find someone safe to talk to and get a few things off your chest. Another option: self-help books. There is a ton of literature on this topic. Utilize it.

So, how do your pelvic muscles feel? For various reasons, men are less likely to release pelvic tension. Often times, sex can cause you to tighten these muscles, by holding your breath or flexing ab muscles, which contributes to PE. Stretching these muscles out will be helpful. Try yoga, swimming or other relaxing, elongating activities. You can never go wrong with a massage, either. Not only will this relax and loosen you up, it may ease any anxiety you feel about your own body. When we allow someone else to touch us so intimately and openly, we’re allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and becoming more comfortable with ourselves and our body images.

You should also try Kegel exercises. These babies aren’t just for the ladies! They will completely strengthen your pelvic region. The start-stop method is also good practice. Basically, you just masturbate yourself to the brink of orgasm and then stop. I know it sounds like waterboarding, but just think of it as a training regimen.

Sexual positions can also influence PE. Missionary is the position most correlated with PE. This is because muscular tension increases in the man’s body as he supports his body weight with his arms and core strength. So, spice things up! Try doggy style or toss your girl on top.

You can also try desensitizing creams, or masturbating before sex. But, if premature ejaculation continues, please seek medical advice.

Best,
Meg

Ask Meg is a series in which a reader/customer writes in to our love expert, Meg, with a relationship/sex question. Kind of like Dear Abby, but with more sex! Meg has her master’s in clinical psychology, works as a crisis counselor and has over 15 years of experience in behavioral health, specializing in relationships and sex. If you have a question, email Meg at mkrein@fascinations.net.

I don’t care who you are, you’ve heard about the erotic novel “Fifty Shades of Grey”. It’s a fantasy phenomenon. If you haven’t been drooling over the graphic sex scenes on your Nook, you’ve heard about them on The Today Show, MSNBC, CNN, and now Dr. Oz.  This “mommy porn” as it’s referred to, is really just a love story with a BDSM twist. Of course, “Fifty Shades” is classified as Twilight fan fiction, so fantasy is heavily involved, which leads me to believe this is why women are so taken with this book. Well, that and the hero of the story, Christian Grey.

So, why did women fall absolutely head over heels for a Dominant? Well, here’s why:

• Protective: Women need to feel protected, physically AND emotionally. We need to feel safe to share our feelings, thoughts, secrets, fantasies, etc. Christian is strong, powerful and protects Ana (heroine of story). He hires security, buys her a safe car, and is faithful to her (sexually protects her).
• Successful: Not just monetarily, either. Men can have lots of money, but without goals or ambition, there really is no success. Christian is an entrepreneur and created great success for himself. He’s young and works hard.
• Decisive: I can’t think of anything more annoying than when, on a date, a man says, “Hmm…I don’t care. Where do you want to go?” or “It’s up to you,” or “Whatever time works for you.” Women want men who take control and have an opinion. We may want men to think we’re the boss, but really we don’t want to be. Many of us make huge decisions at work, so it’s nice to have decisions made for us, after hours. Christian knows what he wants, and what Ana wants.  He orders for her, moves her into his home, tells her what time he’ll pick her up, etc. He famously says to her, “Come.” Quite the double entendre.
• Confident: Women need to feel like they can lean on their man, like a rock. It makes us feel comfortable and trusting. A man who can adapt to different social situations, is sophisticated, and comfortable with himself gives us that feeling. Christian is proficient in many different things (sailing, flying, business, lovemaking) and knows how to handle himself in diverse situations. He is also very well known, respected, and gets what he wants.
• Humor: Life is too serious to take seriously. We all need someone to laugh with.  Christian has a sense of humor (although it is Ana who gets him to show it.) He is also imperfect, which makes him more human and relatable.

The other part of this book that is a huge draw to women is the fantasy piece. But, why? Keep reading for the reasons women fantasize.

• Autonomy: We have this need for autonomy (self-management and choice). Today, women have a lot of power and control at both, work and home. We’re under pressure and stressed. We’d love to relax, but giving up that control is scary.  Fantasy is a non-threatening way to do so.
• Control: Giving up complete control involves trusting someone – completely. When is the last time you did that? When you were a baby? Imagine letting some dude tie your limbs to the bedposts and blindfold you, or telling a man your deepest, dirtiest, darkest secret. What feelings overcome you? Panic? Fear?
• Trust: Fantasies take us to a place where we can completely let ourselves go and trust someone – fully. It’s really what people are after; what we are all striving for. We all want to be taken care of, in some part of our life. No one can do everything alone.
• Escape: Life can be ugly. A lot of women fantasize because they’re going through divorces, have horrible jobs, are getting abused, are bored, whatever. Fantasy is a form of coping, stress relief.

One woman may drink a few martinis to unwind, another may snort a line of coke to deal with her rough day, another may blow $4,000 in an hour at Nieman Marcus, while yet another may fantasize to cope with life. Heck, some women may do all of the above! Either way, fantasy provides relief and makes us feel good.

If you’re familiar with “Fifty Shades” and/or fantasy, think about the feelings that surge through your body while you’re reading the words in the books. Excitement? Enthusiasm? Arousal? Order all three books from Fascinations today!  Hurry, because they’re flying off our shelves.

Hey Meg,

I’m hoping you can lend some professional advice for a very painful situation. My boyfriend and I recently started having sex (we’ve been together for months, but held off for various reasons) and have encountered some major problems. He and I are on complete opposite sides of the spectrum – size wise – to the point that I tear pretty badly even with lube. We’re using JO women H2O and love it since it’s pharmaceutical and water-based, which is essential for my sensitive skin, but in this case it barely even takes the edge off. I naturally run tight and dry with little sensation as it is. Can you direct us to any exercises or other products we can try to help make sex actually enjoyable for me? We would really appreciate some help!

-Feeling Sensitive

Dear Sensitive:

First off, props on holding off on the super intimate part of your relationship. Sounds like this dude is a keeper! You mention “size wise” you’re on different ends of the spectrum. Well, I can only assume that he’s rather well-endowed and you’re in the “tighter” range. Either way, you both have been blessed.

Okay, so now to the problem: you’re tearing. That should not be happening, especially since you are using an excellent lubricant. Good sex should not cause pain. I can only gather that since you are lubing up, you are also taking the time for foreplay – a woman typically needs about 20 minutes of this warm-up activity before she’s ready for the feature presentation.

Trauma affects sexual activity. So, if you are a victim of sexual abuse, it may be affecting your relationship with sex and hindering you from getting excited, which would definitely explain the dryness/tearing. It totally makes sense: the perception of sex from a survivor of sexual abuse is completely skewed (justifiably so).

If trauma isn’t the case, there are different sexual positions you can try to make yourself more comfortable, so you can control the speed and the depth of the penetration (you riding him is best and runs the lowest risk for tears.) Fascinations carries several books that educate on exciting, innovative positions!

If neither of the above resonates with you, I seriously recommend speaking to your OBGYN about this issue. As I mentioned earlier, tearing/ripping is not normal and sex should not be painful.

Please keep us posted and best of luck,

Meg

Ask Meg is a series in which a reader/customer writes in to our love expert, Meg, with a relationship/sex question. Kind of like Dear Abby, but with more sex! Meg has her master’s in clinical psychology, works as a crisis counselor and has over 15 years of experience in behavioral health, specializing in relationships and sex. If you have a question, email Meg at mkrein@fascinations.net.

Meg:

Hi my name is Jessica. I have a question for you. My husband is 39-years-old and has very little interest in sex. We have been together for about 4 years. When we met he hadn’t had sex in a very long time, so he was horny as hell for a while, then it faded. Now, there is no foreplay at all – in or out of the bedroom. We go straight to oral sex, but it’s only about once a week; sometimes once every two weeks and I need to beg him for sex. We have awesome sex when we do have it though. Both of us have awesome orgasms and afterward we say how good it was. Then we go another week or two. I am 31 and have never had such great sex so I would love to have it at least three times a week. I know he is not cheating on me as he has NO time to do that with work and coming home to a 2-year-old and me. And I know him well enough to know he has no interest in other women. He is a good man and HATES drama and he knows that would bring drama. Anyway, I used to think this issue was all me and that he wasn’t attracted to me for some reason or another, so I would ask him and he would say if he wasn’t attracted to me he wouldn’t have sex with me or even be with me. He just says he lost his sex drive. I hate it but I am slowly learning to live with it. But, sometimes I get super horny and attack him, but he gets angry if he doesn’t want it. Even if I try and give him a blow job, he gets mad ‘cause he says he’s too tired. Please help me. I don’t know what to do.

-Jessica

 

Dear Jessica:

I feel for you Jessica. Lack of sex drive is scary for men, mostly, because it’s not that common. It affects about 16% of men, compared to about 32% of women. It’s linked to sexuality, so men find it rather threatening. As far as resolving the situation, it sounds like you’re on the right track – you’ve addressed your concerns with your husband. No one, man or woman, likes to talk about loss of libido, so kudos. Now, it’s time to take some action. Writing to me is the first step; however I can’t toss some fairy dust in your direction and make everything all better, because loss of sex drive is a very complex problem. But, I can help you rule out some possibilities of what’s going on here.

• Drugs: Is he on any? I’m talking psychotropic, medical, even illegal. They can all have an effect on sex drive, especially drugs that treat depression and high blood pressure. Ask your mister to talk to your doctor; he can prescribe alternate medications.

• Stress: Does he have bags under his eyes? Are his cortisol levels higher than the elevation at Humphreys Peak? You mention that your husband doesn’t have time to cheat on you, “with work and coming home to a 2-year-old and me.” Really, that’s a good thing, but not if he is too exhausted to enjoy any alone time.

• Erectile Dysfunction: Has your husband ever experienced this issue? If so, it can be utterly humiliating and instil fear in him in regard to performance. It’s just a damn vicious cycle.
  

• Happiness: You say you have an amazing relationship, but how does he feel? Is he repressing something in fear of how you’ll respond? Or, perhaps you two are too close. Too much of anything creates a problem. If you were given chocolate cake every day for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for a month, how much would you really want to eat it on day 31? Also, many men find it difficult to eroticize the mother of their children. It can feel too regressive and incestuous. This might be an area to explore – on a therapist’s couch.

• Performance Anxiety: Is he a perfectionist, wanting to please you each and every time, just so? That’s a lot of pressure, you know. Or does he worry about climaxing too soon? The mind plays a crucial role in sex, so if it’s occupied analyzing stuff, there’s bound to be trouble.
  

• Health: Does he have an unknown medical condition? Depression, diabetes, cancer, heart disease will all peter out a man’s sex drive, either by dulling thoughts of sex or reducing blood flow to the penis. A doctor can check out all your man’s parts.
  

In the meantime:  

• Ask your hubby to see a doctor and/or see a marriage/sex therapist together
  
• Ask him to get active in a sport with or without you. Getting the blood flowing will help!
  
• Have no expectations – what will happen, will happen
  
• Explore fantasies
• Talk. Not about the weather, either…
  
• Go out and have fun, to parties, to dinner, the movies, etc.

Ask Meg is a series in which a reader/customer writes in to our love expert, Meg, with a relationship/sex question. Kind of like Dear Abby, but with more sex! Meg has her master’s in clinical psychology, works as a crisis counselor and has over 15 years of experience in behavioral health, specializing in relationships and sex. If you have a question, email Meg at mkrein@fascinations.net.

Meg:

I’m a 38-year-old man who’s been dating a great woman for a few months. We have so a lot in common and have been spending a ton of time together. I met her kids and really like them. This just shows how much I’m into her. My dilemma is about sex. We haven’t had it yet, but it’s came close. So what’s the deal? I have herpes. I’m humiliated to tell her and I’m worried I’ll lose her. I know I have to tell her because I don’t want to put her at risk and I want to have an honest relationship.

-Stuck

 

Dear Stuck:

It must be really difficult to feel so strongly for someone, yet feel as though you need to hold back at the same time. Listen, there are all sorts of deal-breakers: violence, addiction, bad taste in movies, but herpes doesn’t have to be one of them. It’s apparent your feelings for this woman are reciprocal – she introduced you to her children. That’s a huge step. And you’re right – you must be honest. I’m sure it will be difficult, but I also bet it will be liberating. You know what else? Everyone has their “thing” or baggage. Take your girlfriend for example, she has children. They aren’t going anywhere – except maybe to school. They will always be around, popping up at inopportune times, inconveniencing both of you. Just like herpes. But, that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a healthy sex life. You just have to be smart and safe. I’m not going to insult you with a spiel about Valtrex and condoms.

If you’re still feeling uneasy, check this out: one in five adults has genital herpes, making it the most prevalent viral sexually transmitted disease. If the rate at which people are being infected continues, it’s predicted that nearly half of the U.S. population will eventually have genital herpes. And studies have shown that 80-90% of people who have herpes are undiagnosed. So by no means are you alone. Now go get something off your chest, just don’t do it with your pants off. Pick a time when your hormones aren’t raging to have the talk.

Best,

Meg

Ask Meg is a new series in which a reader/customer writes in to our love expert, Meg, with a relationship/sex question. Kind of like Dear Abby, but with more sex talk! Meg has her master’s degree in clinical psychology, works as a crisis counselor and has over 15 years of experience in behavioral health, specializing in relationships and sex. If you have a question, email Meg at mkrein@fascinations.net.

It’s pretty easy to know whether or not you’re an adventurous person who will jump onto a rollercoaster without signing a will and saying your last goodbyes. It’s also fairly easy to know if you’re an adventurous eater. You know, a person who braves the eats like Andrew Zimmerman.  The adventure line blurs right around where sex surfaces. This makes sense because sex can be very complicating. In other words, it can be difficult to determine whether you’re daring or demure, in the sack.

According to sex therapist, Ian Kerner, there are two types of people when it comes to sex: comfort creatures and thrill seekers. Comfort creatures like to keep sex in the confines of their homes, with one partner, and tend to stick to a few trusted positions. Thrill seekers, clearly, are the opposite. They get off on trying new positions, in new locations, and spicing things up with sex toys and different partners. In a perfect world, a couple of comfort creatures or thrill seekers would be together – all of the time – because they would be on the same sexual wave length. But, as we all know, we don’t live in a perfect world. So, how does it work when a thrill seeker and comfort creature want to hook-up?

Understandably, this is a common issue as most people don’t discover they’re mismatched until further into the relationship. Kerner attributes this to “infatuation hormones,” which mask any incompatibility there may be between the sheets. In other words, you’re so busy getting it on you don’t notice you’re into S&M and he’s into spooning until the infatuation begins to fade.  Which is where the trouble starts, and when you might look at your partner and think: Cuddling, again, really?

By no means do these different sexual types have to be a deal-breaker, though. After all, the brain is the utmost sexual organ. So express yourself with it and all will be good…with a little compromise.

While it’s much more fun to talk about the “do’s” of sex, there are some questions Fascinations associates are frequently asked that require a more nuanced explanation of why you should “just say no.” Vaginal tightening creams are one of the items we are asked for in our stores, and many people are confused when they find out that we don’t carry any tightening gels, creams or sprays. If you are interested in why Fascinations doesn’t carry these products anymore, or are thinking about trying a tightening cream, read the following information before making that choice.

The basic premise of a vaginal tightening cream is that it is applied inside the vaginal canal before intercourse, and as it takes effect, it causes the vagina to tighten. Over time, the effect wears off, so more cream must be applied. Extended use of a tightening cream does not permanently strengthen the PC muscles, or result in a “tighter” vagina. While the concept of tightening cream is appealing to many people, it’s important to question why our society feels the need to produce products that promote an unrealistic image of vaginas that doesn’t live up to reality. Additionally, the question of how these creams work brings up some safety and sexual health issues to be aware of.

Every person’s vagina is different in lots of ways including shape, color, hair (or lack-of), and tightness. Promoting an ideal that vaginas are only good if they are “tight” fails to acknowledge the diversity of different vaginas and creates a false ideal which creates insecurity in people who have vaginas, and unrealistic expectations in people who like vaginas. So, let’s get this out of the way here: No matter what you (or someone else’s) vagina looks or feels like, it’s awesome and shouldn’t be any other way. There has never been a universal vagina mold that all vaginas aspire to imitate, and however tight, hairy, or colorful your vagina is, it’s cool just the way it is. This is not to say that vaginas don’t change over time, and become less tight than they used to be; this is a fact of life, and is generally caused by weakened PC muscles due to childbirth or age. However, the use of a tightening gel isn’t going to solve these common health problems, and there is a much better long term way to strengthen the PC muscles, without the possible negative health effects.

Besides the more theoretical implications of the demand for tightening creams, it’s also important to understand how these creams work, and why they might not be the best choice if you want to strengthen your PC muscles. Almost all tightening gels and creams contain alum, which is the same ingredient in most deodorants. This means that every time you apply a tightening cream, it is “tightening” the vagina by absorbing all the natural moisture. This can mean pain with any sort of penetration (since there’s little to no natural lubricant), which doesn’t sound too fun. Additionally, alum has been known to irritate people who have sensitive skin, and can be painful if your body is not compatible with it. On a more serious health note, alum may contribute to an increased risk of Alzheimer’s, and while there is no conclusive link, it’s often best to avoid items that contain ingredients that might be bad for you, especially if you’re using that item internally, and if there are other alternatives available.

On a more economic note, it ends up costing a lot of money to keep buying a tightening gel for every sexual encounter, since it has no permanent effect, so you have to keep using it no matter what to keep the same results. Anyone can strengthen their PC muscles (which will help with vaginal tightness, orgasm control, and incontinence prevention) permanently by investing in a good set of Kegel Balls (like the Ami, or Smartballs) and some water-based lube. You can also use a graduated bar like the NJoy Fun Wand or Icicles No 8 to aid in the strengthening of the PC muscles as well. These toys have the added effect of permanently strengthening the vaginal muscles, meaning the results will be evident over time, and not something that lasts for a few minutes at a time. If you want more detailed information on PC muscle exercise, you can refer to our blog post here.

In the end, the short-term advantages of tightening gels don’t seem outweigh the other issues that may arise when using them, so it’s recommended to exercise your PC muscles the traditional way (with a Kegel bar or Kegel balls) that will lead to long-term health benefits and a happier sex life. Generally, if something seems like a quick fix to a sexual health concern, it’s probably too good to be true. Improving your sex life and/or sexual health almost always requires some time and energy.

Instead of making the same old New Year’s Resolution again about how you’re finally going to drop those last five pounds or quit smoking, how about making one that will really benefit you – and the one you love. That’s right, resolve to last longer in bed. Below are five sure fire ways to help you avoid the utterly embarrassing, status-post wrinkled penis explosion.

Masturbate

When you masturbate, think about a woman orgasming. (Sure, you can envision Great Grandma Ester; whatever makes you last.) Get yourself almost to the point of blowing it – approximately 12 minutes or so. Just practice. It’s called endurance, guys.

Kegel Exercise

The Pubococcygeus (PC) muscle controls the flow of urine and semen. The stronger this baby is, the longer you’ll last. So, stop focusing on squats and start focusing on Kegels. When you’re hovering over the urinal, cut off the flow of urine and then start and stop; hold for a count of 10 and release. Do 30 reps and call it a day.  Once you’ve mastered it, you can practice at your desk, in the grocery store, but probably not while you’re doing squats.

Chivalry

Sex can induce a lot of pressure on a guy. But, you know what alleviates some of that unnecessary pressure? Making her come first. When your partner orgasms first, the anxiety you feel to please her dissipates, which is an underlying factor in premature ejaculation.

Saddle Up

Positioning is everything, especially when you’re prone to premature ejaculation. With your partner on top, your penis is less stimulated and therefore, you will be able to go the distance.

Don’t Think

Be in the moment. The more attention you give something, the more likely it is to happen. Your mind is powerful. So, enjoy the amazing sensations in your body and simply enjoy them.

We don’t expect you to go at this alone. Below are a couple amazing options that will make your job so much easier.

• Desensitizing Gel, such as System Jo Prolonger, which improves ejaculation control and stamina.

• A Cock Ring, which is worn around the base of a man’s phallus, constricts the vessels leading in and out of the penis. The result is a rock hard boner as well as delayed and heightened orgasms. Check out the Rock Hard Power Kit or the Quick Release Cock Cage.

After years of hoping for better quality vibrating panties and wireless remote bullets, Lelo and We-Vibe have delivered with the first chargeable toys that come with wireless remotes, and they’re as fun and durable as can be. Lelo’s Lyla and Oden, and the We-Vibe 3, may be three of the greatest toys ever made (OK, I’m just really excited about them), especially if you’re looking for high quality remote-operated toys. The biggest complaint about these toy’s battery-operated counterparts is that they take tiny batteries that run out quickly, are expensive, and are impossible to find. Once you use up the batteries that come with most wireless remote bullets or vibrating panties, you have to go on a scavenger hunt to find more. The Lyla, Oden, and We-Vibe 3 solve this battery problem for good and make teasing and pleasing your partner easier with sleek, well-designed toys.

The Lyla is a 100% silicone bullet-style toy with a wireless remote (most similar to other wireless remote bullets). The bullet part of the Lyla charges (after no more than two hours), and the remote takes 2 AAA batteries, which means that in a crunch, you can just pop the batteries out of your TV remote control if needed. It also has a handy retrieval cord, which means you can insert it, give your partner the remote, and start the fun. It can also be used externally for clitoral stimulation. Of course, if you’re going to be wearing the Lyla internally for an extended period of time, you want to use a water-based lube with it, so it doesn’t become uncomfortable. The bullet is probably a little too large to be discreet if inserted in a pair of panties, so if that’s your goal, you probably want to look at the Oden instead.

The Oden may seem to be a perplexing shape at first sight, but it’s form only adds to it’s function. The ring at the bottom of the Oden means it can easily be slipped around the base of the penis for some added stimulation during intercourse. If you’re using it this way, it’s probably best that he lie on his back and you get on top to keep the toy in place and control your contact with it. However, the neatest design aspect of the Oden is that it’s flat, and curved, to easily fit in the front of a pair of panties, so it works as a smarter (and quieter) alternative to vibrating panties. The bullet part of the Oden charges and the remote takes 2 AAA batteries, just like the Lyla.

Even with the smart and sleek designs of the Lyla and the Oden, one of the coolest design features is in the remote control. The remote that comes with each of these toys comes with SenseMotion technology, which operates in a few different ways. If you’re using the button controls on the remote, a small motor in the remote vibrates at the same speed as it does in the bullet, so you know what type of vibration your partner is feeling. No other wireless remote toys have this feature, which is helpful in being able to tease your partner exactly how you want without having to remember what setting the toy is on. However, the awesomeness doesn’t stop there. A second setting on the remote allows you to hold it in your hand and move it left and right, similar to a dial, which will increase the intensity of the vibration. It’s almost impossible to describe how intuitive this technology is without holding the bullet in one hand and the remote in the other and checking it out for yourself.

Both the Oden and Lyla are great wireless bullets with different purposes, but if you want an entirely handsfree couple’s toy, the We-Vibe 3 is a perfect option. The We-Vibe 3 is the exact same thing as the We-Vibe 2, which means it is a 100% silicone U-shaped toy with a vibrator for the G-Spot and one for the clitoris, but it is thin enough to be worn during sex, which means it stimulates your partner’s penis a lot more than your standard vibrating cock ring, since it sits inside the vagina. The We-Vibe 3 is different from the We-Vibe 2 in three ways; it has a wireless remote, it is fully submergible, and it has more power. If you want to change the We-Vibe 3‘s speed, you just click the remote until you find the perfect speed or pulsation setting instead of having to reach between you and your partner to hit the button. Of course, using it in the exact same way as the We-Vibe 2 would be boring, and since the We-Vibe 3 includes the wireless remote, you can insert one side and let the other side sit against your clit in a pair of panties and go out on the town. With any of the We-Vibe models, using a water-based lube is recommended to make the experience as slippery and comfortable as possible.

Instead of spending an endless amount of money on small batteries, or fretting about vibrating panties and remote bullets that are too loud to wear in public, you now have three great silicone, chargeable options to choose from. If you’re looking for an insertable wireless bullet, the Lelo Lyla is the way to go. If you want a toy you can use a vibrating cock ring, or panty vibrator, the Lelo Oden is probably right for you. And if you want a toy that stimulates both you and your partner if used during sex, but can also be put in a pair of panties for a night on the town, the We-Vibe 3 is probably best for you.

While it’s sometimes fun to surprise your partner with a naughty gift under the Christmas tree, the holidays are also a time to celebrate family and friends and remind them how much they mean to us. That doesn’t mean you have to go 100% vanilla with a set of slippers or a sweater, though. Sometimes you can find a romantic gift that expresses “nice” more than “naughty,” but doesn’t manage to be boring. The following five suggestions will all show your partner that they got put on Santa’s nice list this year. Don’t worry; if your partner got put on Santa’s naughty list too, next week we’ll have some suggestions for that too.

Massage oils and accessories

Because smell and touch are two of the most important components of sensuality and sexuality, massage oils are popular gifts year round. Of course, getting massage oil, then expecting it to be used on you is not a very thoughtful gift, so make sure your gift comes with the intention to get some alone-time with your partner to give THEM a massage. You can do this by making a little hand-made coupon for a massage, and putting it with their gift, so they can pick the time and place. A totally selfless massage is thoughtful since the holidays can be a particularly stressful time, and might help them relax in between family activities, shopping, or parties. It can also be a way to start out a night of other “romantic activities” in the bedroom. If your partner has a favorite scent that they associate with romance, try to find an oil in that scent, or one that includes hints of that scent. If you’re not sure what your partner likes, you can always pick up the Massage Oil Kit by Kama Sutra, which includes a small bottle of each of their massage oils. That way, your partner can choose the one they find most appealing (and this is all about them, right?). Another option is the massage candles by Jimmy Jane, which are some of my personal favorites. They melt into a massage oil, are soy-based, so they’re less oily than other oils, and their scents are light and playful. Lighting a candle is always something that helps set the mood for romance, and being able to use that candle for a nice massage is an added plus. Jimmy Jane also makes a ceramic massage stone that is made to be used with their candles, or any massage oil. Of course, if traditional massage is a little too nice for you, Kama Sutra’s flavored, warming massage oils can be used first for a some sensual massage, and then licked off to proceed to naughtier activities.

Romantic Games

The only thing I remember about History class in high school is that my teacher had a belly button the size of a silver dollar. I only know this because he wore super thin polos, minus an undershirt, revealing an enormous groove where he was once attached to his mama. I totally missed the lecture on The Cold War because I was busy wondering what Mr. N used to dig all the lint out of his belly button. Some things are better left unsolved. My point in telling this story is that history doesn’t have to be boring, or disgusting, for that matter. Take sex, for instance. Below are some of intriguing tidbits about America’s favorite pastime.

Pubic wigs – Wigs were not just worn on heads in ancient times. As early as the 1400’s, women would go all Brazilian and slap on a merkin in order to battle pubic lice. While in Victorian times, prostitutes would shave their pubic hair and hide any sign of syphilis with a merkin. Nowadays, the merkin’s use is much less scandalous: actors use them to conceal their privates in nude scenes.

Condoms – Before the 15th century many Asians used glans condoms, which only covered the tip of the penis. In China they were made out of oiled silk paper or lamb intestines, while Japan used tortoise shell or animal horn. Um, sounds a little dangerous. It wasn’t until the following century when condoms went a little more upscale and were made of linen sheaths soaked in chemical solution. After drying, the condoms were attached to the penis with a ribbon. Maybe this is where the idea of gift wrapping comes from…. Check out the variety of condoms Fascinations carries.

Homosexuality – Homosexuality was listed as a mental illness by the American Psychiatric Association until 1973. Click here for a slew of gay and lesbian products.

Blow job – Seems fitting that blow jobs should be next. In the Victorian times, prostitutes answered to the name “Blowsy” and “blow” was code for ejaculation – not cocaine. So, by 1930 the term blow job was born.

Vibrators – During the 19^th century, “hysteria” was a fairly common condition amongst women and vibrators were the preferred treatment. Women diagnosed with this disorder were said to be suffering from insomnia, nervousness, fluid retention, heaviness in the abdomen, irritability, decreased libido, and a “tendency to cause trouble.” It was treated with a prescription for a vibrator. Nice these toys are now available over-the-counter at Fascinations.

Bird hookers – All penguins aren’t PG-rated like Happy Feet. Female penguins that are in a committed relationship are known to step out on their partner in order to score the pebbles they need to build their nest. These chicks are smart – they go after single males so they don’t get attacked by the male’s partner.

Shortest sex sessions: Phoenix, Denver and Chicago have the shortest sex sessions, while Miami ranks number one. It’s up to you to make a difference.

Condoms are one of a few effective ways to prevent pregnancy, and pretty much the only way to prevent the spread of STDs and STIs if you’re not in a monogamous relationship with the person you’re sleeping with, or if you don’t know their status. People often complain that using a condom “reduces the sensation” or “doesn’t feel real,” but the reality is that there are so many varieties of condoms on the market, there should be one that works for everyone. Using the excuse that a condom doesn’t feel real to avoid practicing safe sex is not only irresponsible, it’s silly. Sex with a condom isn’t going to feel the same as sex without a condom, but a different feeling isn’t necessarily a bad thing when it means protecting you and your partner’s health, and/or preventing an unwanted pregnancy. Not only are condoms essential to use for vaginal or anal intercourse, using a barrier is important for oral sex as well as any other penetrative activities. However, health risks might not be the only reason to use condoms; they also come in handy if you want to make a sex toy 100% waterproof, if you want to extend the life of a porous toy by making sure you cover it before use, or if you have multiple partners who will be sharing the same toy and don’t want to have to sterilize it between uses. If you don’t like the sensation of the condoms your using, there might be a simple fix; lube. Putting a few drops of lube on the tip of the penis, or in the tip of the condom before putting it on will help it move around more naturally (and reduce the risk of breakage). Also, because latex can have a tendency to dry people out, using lube with condoms can make the experience more enjoyable and slippery for everyone.

Often times finding a condom that works for you is all about material. A lot of people are sensitive to latex, or don’t like the feeling and smell of it. While most condoms are made out of latex, there are a few alternatives. Polyisoprene is the most latex-like material, but is better than latex because it won’t irritate people with latex sensitivities, conducts heat better than latex does (meaning you’ll be able to feel more), and prevents against pregnancy and STDs and STIs just like latex. Both Durex and Lifestyles make polyisoprene condoms; the former being the Avanti Bare and the latter being the Skyn. Polyurethane is the other latex-like alternative. Polyurethane condoms conduct heat better than latex, but are definitely not as elastic and tend to be a little baggier when on. The Trojan Supras are a polyurethane condom, and female condoms are also made out of polyurethane. If you and your partner are monogamous and know each other’s status, you might also want to try Lambskin condoms. These condoms are made out of sheep intestine, which means they have pores large enough for STDs and STIs to travel through, but not sperm, so if you want a condom that is going to prevent the transmission of disease, and prevent pregnancy, Lambskin is not the way to go. However, many people say that lambskin condoms conduct heat much better than any other condom material available. Lambskin condoms tend to be more expensive because they are an animal product. If you are a fan of latex condoms, but want the thinnest ones out there for a more “realistic feel”, the Kimono brand is a good choice. If you are unsure about what type of condom material you prefer, it’s always a good idea to try out the different 3-condom sampler packs, which will allow you to find out what you like without breaking the bank.

Another way to find a condom you and your partner like is to look at the different textures, lubricants, or shapes that condoms now come in. For guys who feel like condoms take away sensation, the Pleasure Plus brand is one of the best reviewed male condoms on the market. The condom shape includes a pouch on the underside that stimulates the frenulum, meaning the guy is going to get more sensation from thrusting. The Trojan Twisted condoms have also been recommended for this purpose. There are all other sorts of textured condoms, some to stimulate him and some to stimulate her. There are even condoms with special warming and cooling lubes on them, like the Trojan Fire and Ice, if you want some added sensation. If too much sensation is the problem, the the Trojan Extended Pleasure are condoms that have a numbing agent on the inside to help him last longer. Again, it’s often best to get one of the 3-condom packs, or a combo pack like the Lifestyles Pleasure Collection if you’re trying to find out what kinds of condoms work best for you. Plus, having to try out a bunch of different condoms gives you plenty of excuses to have lots of sex!

Besides using condoms for intercourse, one of the most creative things to dow with condoms is to use them for safe oral sex. Some companies make flavored condoms, which come in a few different flavors, but it’s often easier to get non-lubricated condoms and combine them with your favorite flavored lube. That way you won’t end up with a bunch of condoms in flavors you might not like. You can also use an non-lubricated condom to make a dental dam. Taking the condom and cutting it vertically, and then unrolling it means you can lay it across your partners vagina or anus and use it for oral sex. Even if you have access to dental dams, this method works better if you or your partner has a specific type of flavored lube you like better. Instead of only getting to choose between a few flavors of dental dams, you have infinite possibilities when you combine flavored lube and non-lubricated condoms.

Because condoms are effective at preventing pregnancy and the transmission of STDs and STIs, they come in pretty much every shape, texture and material imaginable. This means that after a little trial-and-error it’s possible for everyone to find a condom that works best for them. While sex with a condom feels different than sex without a condom, being responsible with you and your partner’s sexual health makes finding your favorite condom worth the effort.

We learn about ‘em in junior high, and then just like 8^th grade algebra we forget. I’m talking about Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs). Maybe it’s fear, maybe it’s ignorance, or maybe it’s apathy. It doesn’t really matter because whatever it is, it’s very real. An estimated one in five people in the U.S. have an STD.

So how do we make it stop? Well, I’ll start by correcting this widely held misconception: It’s impossible to get STDs from oral sex. Way too many people actually believe this. They think, “Oral sex isn’t real sex, so I’m safe.” Wrong. In all actuality a lot of STDs are contracted this way because more than 70% of the population prefers oral sex to any other type of sexual activity. This made be due to the large percentage of women who can only reach orgasm through cunninglus. So, although oral sex is a safe pastime in terms of keeping buns outta the oven, it can be quite risky when it comes to STDs.

Here’s the breakdown:

HIV – The risk is very low, but it’s there. Chances for contracting the virus increase if the performer has cuts or sores in their mouth, if ejaculation occurs in the mouth, and/or if the receiver has any other STDs. The major risk is for the performer, but unless he/she just had their wisdom teeth pulled and are oozing blood, oral sex is relatively safe. And if that scenario has actually ever happened, let me know because that is just pure dedication. Safety Tip: Condoms and dental dams.

Herpes – Genital herpes and oral herpes are usually caused by different strains of the virus (HSV-2 and HSV-1), but it’s possible for either virus to infect the other site. Example: Oral herpes can be transmitted to the genitals and vice versa. Herpes are contagious even when there are no symptoms, and this virus can be spread through skin-to-skin contact. Safety Tip: Condoms, clean the play area well, and prescription medications (for those already diagnosed).

HPV – Throat cancer is thought to be a result of contracting HPV while performing oral sex. This one is similar to herpes in that it can be spread via skin-to-skin contact. Safety Tip: Condoms and dental dams may lower risk, but don’t eliminate it.

Gonorrhea – It can be transmitted to both partners during the act of fellatio. It’s still up in the air as to whether or not the same applies to cunninglus, as the site of infection is the cervix – a tad hard to reach during this act. Mix ‘The Clap’ and oral sex and you just might get a throat infection. A very difficult to treat throat infection. Safety Tip: Condoms and dental dams.

Chlamydia – Performing and receiving fellatio – unprotected – put people at high risk for transmitting this bugger. Research regarding cunninglus and chlamydia is still unclear. Safety Tip: Condoms and dental dams should be effective.

Syphilis – Super easy to transmit through oral sex. One good thing: It can only be transmitted when symptoms are present, during the first and second stages of the disease. One bad thing: The painless sores it causes are hard to spot.  Safety Tip: Condoms, dental dams.

Of course, it’s always a good idea to talk to your partner about STDs and practice monogamy. Or abstinence, but I that doesn’t seem practical. Also, limit the number of partners you have (your risk increases as your partners do), and have regular check-ups and ask specifically to be tested.

Apparently sex injuries are very common. It’s not a spectator sport, you know. This year, one in three people will hurt themselves while banging. Below are the top ten most common sex owies:

1. Pulled muscles
2. Injured back
3. Carpet burns
4. Cricked neck
5. Bashed elbows/knees
6. Bruised shoulder
7. Twisted knee
8. Sprained/strained wrist
9. Sprained/strained ankle
10. Bent fingers

If you’re not insured, you might want to guard yourself with more than just a condom. I’m not suggesting helmets or anything, although that might not be a bad idea. But you’ll probably want to think  twice about where you drop your drawers. Where you choose to get down and dirty can increase your chance of injury. You’d think the bed would be a safe place, but nope. Below are the top 10 most risky locations to get frisky:

1. The couch
2. A staircase
3. In the car
4. Shower
5. The bed
6. On a chair
7. The kitchen table
8. In the garden
9. On the toilet
10. A work closet

Beds are the number one object that sex destroys. Below are nine other frail items that have trouble withstanding sex:

1. Wine glasses
2. Picture frames
3. Chairs
4. Tea cups
5. Walls
6. Dressers
7. Doors
8. Windows
9. Vases

I guess the old saying, “Be safe” is a bit of a double entendre.  But, being safe doesn’t mean you can’t have any fun or get a little wild. Fascinations offers a slew of bondage and fetish toys that are safe and guarantee an adventure!

In the not-too-distant past, obtaining a sex toy meant venturing into a dingy shop in a shady area of town, where you could pick from a few toys with a porn star on the package on the only rack in the store that wasn’t full of adult movies. If vaguely creepy porn shops weren’t your thing, you had to choose from everyday household items that you could find at the mall or big box store and hope they would suffice at being discreet as well as getting the job done.

Luckily, as it has become more acceptable to talk about sexual desire, sex toys have become a topic of conversation among couples and groups of friends alike, and education oriented toy stores like Fascinations have popped up across the country. Getting a good sex toy has even infiltrated pop culture, showing up everywhere from Sex and the City to Oprah. On a very practical level, this means that everyone has more options when it comes to they toys they want, and means technology and design have now become desirable attributes when looking at toys. This has resulted in an explosion of well-designed and body-safe toys that no longer run on batteries, but charge like a laptop or cell phone. While this may seem needless at first, the advantages to chargeable toys are numerous. As with any other electronic device, finding a toy that meets all of your needs is going to be an investment that is meant to benefit your everyday life. Some chargeable toys even look like they were pulled right out of an Apple Store display, so you can match it to your iPad or MacBook.

The advantages of owning a chargeable toy are infinite and depend on what you’re looking for. One of the best things about chargeable toys is they can pack a lot of power into a small package, if you want something small AND powerful (and, really, who doesn’t?). If you’re looking for a toy with a lot of power you usually have to pick up a bullet that has a large remote with a cord and batteries, or a traditional back massager that has to stay plugged into the wall. Chargeable toys often incorporate the same powerful motors as these other toys, but don’t require the cords, remotes, or an excessive amount of batteries. This feature also eliminates the common problem of cords shorting out because of too much use. This also means they are prettier, which seems like a weird reason to get a sex toy, but is a good thing if you want a non-intimidating toy, or are getting a nice gift for someone. Toys that look appealing are more fun to play with, and with all the color and shape options, it’s likely there is a toy design that suits everyone’s personality.

Because chargeable toys don’t have batteries rattling around inside of them, they tend to be a lot more silent than your standard toys. This is handy if you’re looking for something quiet because of kids or neighbors, or if you just aren’t a fan of a sex toy that sounds like a lawn mower when you’re using it (most people don’t find lawn mower sounds that sexy). Another advantage to quieter toys is that using them with your partner means you’re not going to be distracted by the sound of the toy so much that you forget to focus on what’s going on elsewhere. You’ll be able to hear your partner’s sweet nothings, sexy noises and movements without having to ask them to repeat themselves.

Because chargeable toys don’t have parts you have to take apart to put batteries in, they tend to be a lot more durable than battery operated vibrators, which crack or loosen over time. Even if your chargeable toy does break, most brands (Lelo, Je Joue, Fun Factory, and We-Vibe) come with a 1-year warranty. Jimmy Jane’s chargeable toys, on the other hand, come with a 3-year warranty. This also means most chargeable toys are made out of body-safe materials; generally medical grade silicone. If a toy is going to last several years, it makes no sense for it to be made out of a cheap material that discolors and absorbs bacteria and body fluids, since you’ll feel the urge to throw it out before the warranty is even up.

The fact most chargeable toys don’t have parts to unscrew also means that a lot of them are 100% waterproof. Most battery-operated vibrators are “waterproof” by virtue of a small rubber band located between the vibrating part and the battery pack, which means it’s safe to wash, but not a good idea to use in a hot tub, pool, or bath. Chargeable toys by Jimmy Jane, Je Joue, Fun Factory, and Lelo’s Insignia line are all made to submergible, which means you can take them in the bath when you need some alone time, but also means you don’t have to be concerned when cleaning them.

Finally, and this might sound a little hippyish, chargeable toys are better for the environment. In a perfect world, we would all recycle our alkaline batteries, but the fact is that, most of the time, we throw them away. This means they’re going into landfills and the chemicals are seeping into the ground, contaminating the earth and groundwater. Because you don’t have to dispose of batteries with chargeable toys, it helps the environment while also saving you money, since you don’t have to go out and buy batteries every time your toy dies, you can just plug it in again.

These are just a few of the advantages to investing in a toy that charges. Design, material, durability, and functionality are a few reasons why chargeable toys tend to be a better choice than traditional jelly or hard plastic vibrators. Because society has become more open about the fact it’s OK to use sex toys, many companies now design toys that are made to suit people’s needs and bodies, rather than being marketed to sell because they have a porn star on the box. Thankfully, Lelo, Fun Factory, Jimmy Jane, We-Vibe and Je Joue, all make high quality, chargeable toys that are fun to use along with being fun to look at! And, if you’re looking for a naughty, but classy gift to give during the upcoming holiday season, these sleek-looking and nicely-packaged toys make a great present.

Every part of your body needs exercise: the brain, heart, and even the pubococcygeus muscles (PC). These prehistoric sounding PC muscles are a big deal. They control the flow of urine and semen, the stiffness of your penis during an erection, tightness of your vagina, and aid in childbirth. So you can see why you might want to spend a little more time doing Kegels and a little less time doing squats.

As with any exercise, technique is crucial. So make sure you’re working the correct muscles. In order to find your PC muscles, try the following techniques:

• Option A: Stop the flow of urine the next time you go to the bathroom.
• Option B: Insert your finger into your vagina, or anus if you’re a man; it will tighten when you contract the right muscles.

So now that you’ve earned your gold star for the day, what do you do? Well, I’ll tell you what not to do. Don’t go buying one of those fancy schmancy Kegel exercise devices from an infomercial, after a late night drinking binge. They’re right up there with those abdominal thingamabobs. Everything you need is right between your legs.

The nice thing about Kegels is that they can be done anywhere, anytime, anyplace. Who says there’s nothing to do at work? Ready, set, go:

• Squeeze your PC muscles as hard as you can and hold for three-five seconds. Release and relax for the same amount of time. As you get stronger, increase.
• Repeat the contract and relax cycle 10 times.
• Over the course of the day, do three to four repetitions of the set.
• Make sure you’re not using any other muscles. Thighs, buttocks, and abdominals have a tendency to overcompensate for weak PC muscles.
• Don’t overdo it! It’s important to build up slowly and listen to your body. If you experience pain or discomfort, you’re pushing yourself too hard. I understand the rush and all, but keep the prize in mind.

Exercising alone is boring. Fascinations carries a variety of PC muscle exercisers. These electric blue Kegel Balls intimately strengthen pelvic floor muscles and deliver gentle vaginal stimulation.  Je Joue balls are also a great option for getting toned PC muscles and come in a progressive set of 3. In the mood for something a little different? Take these glass Ben Wa Balls home for some intense pleasure tight kegels. Slather on any of these water-based lubricants for increased pleasure and getting stronger never felt so good!

I had you at O, didn’t I? I don’t blame you. Achieving one is the ultimate goal. But, besides the fact that the things feel so damn good, what do you really know about them? Researchers from Johns Hopkins University Press unleashed some very fascinating tidbits about orgrams in the book, The Science of Orgasm. Below are some of the most titillating.

• Most women require about 20 minutes of clitoral stimulation before reaching The Big O. Approximately 24-37 percent of women can’t climax. Smoking, drinking, medication, emotional disorders, and menopause most likely contribute to not being able to reach orgasm.
• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), testosterone treatment, ginkgo biloba, and the nutritional supplement ArginMax have been shown to increase sexual gratification.
• Having an orgasm during sex may increase the chances of conception. The supporting theory: oxytocin, a hormone emitted in peak levels during orgasm, causes uterine contractions, in turn cajoling sperm toward the egg.
• Research has revealed that orgasm can decrease sensitivity to pain, relieve menstrual cramps, and alleviate stress (this may be due to the surge in oxytocin and dopamine).
• From ancient Greece to the time of Freud, doctors stimulated orgasm in women via “medical massage” to remedy the all-encompassing female disorder referred to as Hysteria. The vibrator was created in the late 1800’s for the same purpose. Now it makes sense why men are so quick to label a woman as hysterical or emotional; after all they are problem-solvers.

Still hungry for more orgasm info?
Visit funlove.com and check out our wide selection of sex education books and videos.

Picking out the right strap-on for you and your partner might seem like a daunting experience, and rightly so. Strap-ons are probably the one sex toy where most of the items seem pretty similar to each other, but upon closer inspection, there are big differences between each strap-on harness as well as the toys that go with them. When thinking about purchasing a strap-on there are several factors that come into play including versatility, ease of use, and durability. Depending on you and your partner’s needs, as well as your budget, there is a harness and toy out there that is perfect for you, the challenge is going to be narrowing you choices down from the large selection strap-ons that Fascinations carries.

Versatility:

A lot of couples make the mistake of buying the cheapest strap-on they can find for their first time. A cheap strap-on may seem like a good idea merely because of the price, but is not a very economical decision in the long run. Getting a cheap strap-on almost always means one thing; you’ll only be able to use one toy, or the same size toy, for the life of the harness. A lot of the “beginner” strap-ons have the toy connected to the harness, or don’t have an adjustable o-ring, which gives you far fewer options if you want to change things up. Even if you’re not sure about strap-on play, it’s usually a better idea to get a harness that gives you the option to change out the toy whether it’s because you have a new partner, or a partner who wants some variation. Additionally, a lot of the cheaper strap-ons come with porous toys, which means the toy will eventually discolor and get dirty, so you’ll have to throw it out and buy a new one. As someone who admits to being a sex-toy-material-snob, getting a harness that comes with a 100% silicone toy, or one that you can use a Vixen or Tantus dong in, is going to be better in the long run, since those toys last forever if you take minimal care of them. The Sportsheets Velvet Harness fulfills all of the qualifications for a good beginner harness because it comes with three different size o-rings, which you can switch out depending on the size of toy you’re using, it fits up to 60″ hips, so it fits all sorts of people (and if you’re hips are larger than 60″, the Sportsheets Diva Harness is the same harness, but it fits up to 82″ hips), and it is cloth, so you can throw it in the washing machine when you’re done using it without risk of ruining it. If you want a little more support/sturdiness in a harness, Sportsheets’ Corsette Harness has a wider lace-up part on the back that not only makes it sturdier while wearing, but looks super hot when you’re wearing it (who says sex toys can’t be sexy?). The other awesome thing about Sportsheets harnesses is that they come with a limited lifetime warranty, which means they’re guaranteed to be more durable than the cheaply made “one-size-fits-most” harnesses from other companies. If you’re looking for a good bundle deal, the Tantus Bend Over Beginner, Bend Over Intermediate, Curve, and Flame kits all come with a Sportsheets harness and one or two 100% silicone Tantus toys, which cost less than buying all the parts separately (kind of like a combo meal). Another good thing about all these harnesses is that they fit in a jock-strap style as opposed to a thong-style. Again, most “beginner” strap-ons are thong-style, which means you get less support than a harness that you can tighten on your thighs, and you end up with a pretty killer wedgie.

Ease of Use:

The downside to most harnesses is that they can be a pain in the butt to get on. You have to take the time to step into them, make sure you’re not all tangled up, and adjust the straps so it stays on your body, which can be annoying if you’re in the middle of getting hot and heavy. Because of this, “strapless strap-ons” were invented, and they are super popular. Besides being easy to get ready since they just insert into the vagina or anus, they also tend to be more intimate because you don’t have any cloth between you and your partner, which makes it easier to access their sensitive areas as well. It also gives the wearer more stimulation, since their G-spot or prostate is going to feel stimulation with every thrust. Not all strapless strap-ons are created equal, though. The Feeldoe is the original strapless strap-on and still one of the most popular. The Feeldoe comes in five different shapes and sizes and all are 100% medical grade silicone. If you’re concerned about the strength of your PC muscles to be able to hold a strapless strap-on in (and don’t want to invest in some Kegel balls), there are body-safe options other than the Feeldoe. The Share strap-ons from Fun Factory are similar to the Feeldoes, but that have larger bulbs on the end that is inserted. Another advantage to using strapless strap-ons is that they work really well for people who want to try, or enjoy, double penetration. A guy can wear a strapless strap-on in his anus while penetrating his partner with his penis as well. It also gives the added benefit of providing prostate stimulation for him. If that seems like a little much, Sportsheets also makes the Menage a Trois harness that he wears with one ring around his penis and one ring for a toy.

Durability:

All of the harnesses, dongs, and strapless strap-ons mentioned above are more durable that your average strap-on, which is why they come highly recommended. Of course, you don’t have to worry as much about durable toys than durable harnesses, since it takes a lot of work to rip a toy, and toys don’t tend to fall apart after heavy use (assuming they’re good quality). If your harnesses are prone to ripping and fraying, the Joque Harness is likely a good answer to your problems. Joque is fully adjustable, but doesn’t have all the excess straps like other harnesses tend to. It’s made out of nylon instead of cotton, so it stretches better. This also makes it safe to use in the water and more comfortable if you want to wear it under your clothes (for impromptu play, or packing). The design also allows for use with double-sided toys, including the Feeldoe, Share, or Nexus if you like the concept of a strapless strap-on, but don’t necessarily have the Kegel muscles needed to hold the toys in. Besides being one of the most durable harnesses on the market, it also looks cute on, since it fits lower on the hips. Even if you’re not someone who has gone through a lot of harnesses, the Joque makes a good first harness for all the reasons mentioned.

Versatility, ease of use, and durability are the three main factors to consider when looking at purchasing a strap-on. Harnesses that allow you to change out the size of the toy, adjust the waist and thighs, and are made of easy-to-wash materials tend to last longer, which means you and your partner will have less hassle when it comes to getting your freak on. Well-designed toys and accessories take the stress out of preparing for an intimate encounter and allow you to focus your attention on you and your partner’s pleasure.

One of the best things about society’s emerging openness around sexuality is the ability for people to honestly express their desires without fear of judgement from their partner. For this reason, prostate stimulation has become something straight couples are starting to explore more than in the past. There are a few reasons for this; the concept of equality in the bedroom (many straight girls who try anal with their partner want that action reciprocated by the men they’re sleeping with), the increased amount of information about male sexual pleasure and prostate stimulation, and the possible positive health benefits of prostate stimulation. If you and your male partner are new to prostate stimulation, or are just curious about trying it, there are several ways to make it a stress-free and enjoyable experience for both of you.

For those of you unacquainted, the prostate gland is exclusive to men, and has almost the same structure and function as the G-spot in women, which is why it can also be referred to as the “male G-spot.” The tissue around the prostate engorges when a man is aroused, is stimulated with a firm “come hither” motion, and can be stimulated on its own to cause orgasm. The biggest difference between the prostate gland and the G-spot is location. While the G-Spot is located inside the vaginal canal (though it can be indirectly stimulated through the rectum), the prostate is located in the rectum.

This is where those nasty societal biases start to come into play. Anal sex and stimulation for men has been socially constructed as an activity only gay men like (despite a number of straight men and women who enjoy anal stimulation), so a lot of straight men have hang-ups when it comes to trying any sort of anal activity, if it’s being performed on them, and some harbor the unfounded fear that liking anal stimulation means they might be gay. It’s important to know that no sexual activity is gay, straight, or anything else, without context. False societal notions are the only things that place any “value” on consensual sexual acts, which is why bondage is considered freaky, anal sex dirty, and female orgasm elusive (these are all sweeping, untrue exaggerations). If a straight man enjoys prostate stimulation while hooking up with a straight lady, then the act is inherently straight. Acting like stimulation of certain body parts is gay or straight falls apart with any sort of analysis. Lots of people of differing orientations like vaginas, breasts, penises, fingers, and other body parts. Attraction and desire define sexual orientation, not the sexual act being performed. Of course, stating this fact doesn’t make it easy for people to accept, but I promise it’s true. Enjoying prostate stimulation if you’re a straight guy is not going to make you gay.

As with any sexual activity, consent is key, and it’s especially important with anal stimulation because of the anatomy of the anus. We’ve all heard horror stories about that person who assumed their partner would be receptive to anal sex, and therefore initiates it without asking, engaging in foreplay, or using lube. These same rules apply for prostate play, and really, every kind of sexual activity. Make sure your partner is OK with you initiating anal play and keep asking as prostate stimulation progresses. Just like most women don’t appreciate a guy trying to have anal sex without warning, a guy isn’t going to be receptive to anything up his butt if he wasn’t asked and agreed to it. Just remember that anal activities require a lot of lube and a lot of love. If you plan on being able to take your biggest toy and use it on your partner the first time, you’re going to set yourself up for failure. Starting slow and small is going to give you both the best results, and it gives you an excuse to have more sexy time to work up to a butt plug, or introduce a strap-on into prostate stimulation. A good rule is to not place any expectations on what your prostate/anal play is going to look like, so you can enjoy it for what it is. It’s also entirely possible you’re partner will try prostate stimulation and decide he doesn’t enjoy it. This is OK too, but making sure you do things safely and slowly will help him decide if he enjoys it and wants to do it more often.

The best place to start with anal stimulation is foreplay. Generally, this means stimulating the outside of the anus to help prepare it for penetration and to create pleasure. A lot of straight women prefer to play with their guy’s butt while giving him a blow job. It’s easy to access the anus while performing fellatio, and since most guys really like blow jobs, combining one with first-time anal stimulation can help the situation be less stressful or intimidating because not all the focus will be on his butt. Because the anus has numerous nerve endings, stimulation of the outer sphincter is pleasurable for most people, and also helps the anus relax for penetration. Rubbing the outer sphincter with your finger, a small vibrator, or your tongue is the best way to get his butt ready for penetration (you can even use a little lube on your finger/toy to help!). Every guy likes different sensations, so make sure you ask him to give you feedback on what feels good. While one guy might prefer vibration, another might find it to be too much. If you are planning on engaging in analingus (rimming) remember that it is a form of oral sex, so the risk for contracting an STD or STI is the same as if you were performing oral sex on any other sexual organ. Additionally, the anus harbors bacteria that generally doesn’t exist on a penis or vagina, so using a dental dam or cut-open condom with your favorite flavored lube on it will ensure that everyone has a good, safe experience. If you’re going to move your mouth down to his anus, you can always move one hand up to his penis to stimulate it too. He’ll be getting stimulation on two erogenous zones, which is bound to get him ready for more.

Once you have your guy all revved up and ready to go with some foreplay, it’s time to move to penetration. As was mentioned earlier, you want to start small and slow. If you were combining anal stimulation and a blow job before, there’s no need to stop now; you can still access his butt with your fingers or a toy and perform fellatio at the same time. When he is comfortable, put a generous amount of lube on your fingers and start rubbing the outside of the anus and perineum. Then you can take one lubed-up finger and slowly slide it in his anus. This also works if you have a small toy to use. The Pro Touch by Tantus is one of the best first-time prostate toys because it is about the exact size and shape of an index finger. Just remember, anal penetration is going to be a different sensation than what he is used to, but it should never hurt. Once he’s comfortable with how your finger or toy feels when inserted, you can slowly start to move it in and out, which is how the prostate is stimulated best (similar to G-Spot stimulation). Once he’s feeling good you can decide to thrust faster, insert two fingers, or a switch to a toy that’s a little larger if he wants. You can also just stop here if he’s enjoying it. You don’t always have to move up in size to have fun with the prostate.

Penetration on it’s own isn’t always enough to stimulate the prostate, so there are some things you want to feel for. Much like the female G-Spot, the prostate becomes engorged when he’s aroused. You’ll be able to feel it with your fingers because it will feel like a walnut-sized bump about two inches inside the rectum. He’ll probably be able to feel if you’ve found it too, just like a lot of women do when their G-Spot is being stimulated. Make sure you watch and listen to his responses to your fingers or toys and ask him to let you know if something you’re doing feels good.

These are the basics of prostate stimulation for straight women who want to explore with their male partner. There are a lot of good beginner toys designed specifically for prostate stimulation, like the Aneros Helix and Naughty Boy, that he can use on his own to discover where his prostate is. You can use these toys together too. Some men will decide they don’t really enjoy prostate stimulation, some will love these beginner techniques and be satisfied, and others will want to explore more awesome prostate options with different toys, and might even want their girlfriend to use a strap-on with them. Since every straight couple is different, the best way to make sure prostate stimulation is stress-free is to communicate about what feels good and make sure everything is consensual (and make sure to use a lot of lube).

Recently, a lot of media attention was given to a feminist blogger whose checked luggage was inspected by the TSA. On the inspection notice left in her bag, a TSA employee had written, “get your freak on girl[sic]” after discovering her bullet vibrator during the luggage screening. Whatever your opinion on this incident and the travel/privacy concerns it brings up, the issue of traveling with sex toys is one that a lot of people grapple with, either because they travel a lot, are going away from home (and their partner and/or toys) for a long time, or are going somewhere exotic/romantic with their partner. There are three ways to go when traveling with sex toys; small and discreet, large but potentially innocuous, or something that doesn’t vibrate, so there is no motor/wires to attract suspicion. Traveling with any sex toy shouldn’t be shameful no matter what it’s shape/size. However, if you are uncomfortable with the idea of having to pull a sex toy out of your carry-on luggage in front of a line of people, or don’t want a security screener to necessarily know they’re looking at a vibrator, there are some sex toys that work better than others.

Generally, traveling with toys means going small and discreet so that anyone who comes across a toy in your bag might not realize what it really is. In terms of vibrators, the Lelo Mia is an ideal option for most travelers. The Lelo Mia is the size and shape of a tube of lipstick, which means it could easily be mistaken for makeup (it even has a removable cap). If a luggage screener were to take the cap off of it, they would find a USB port, making it look like a standard flash drive rather than a sex toy. The Mia charges via USB, but it could feasibly be a computer accessory to the untrained eye. If you travel with a laptop, this charging option is nice because you can just plug the Mia into your computer instead of having to remember to bring an additional charger with you on your travels. Better yet, you can charge it for an hour before you leave on your trip, and guarantee an hour and a half of use before you need to charge it again, which makes it ideal for short trips, and you don’t have to worry about it turning on in your luggage because you can lock it to prevent it from turning on unexpectedly. There are a few other types of small toys that are designed to hide the fact they’re vibrators including vibrators that imitate lipstick, look like a rubber duck, or are just a standard-looking mini-vibe. Or, like the blogger mentioned above, you could travel with a small bullet vibrator, but bullets tend to be obvious sex toys. If you’re a guy looking for a discreet masturbator, Tenga’s 3D masturbators do the trick, looking like nothing sexual, or you could always go the classic route with the Fleshlight (which gets its name because it is hidden inside a case that looks like a flashlight).

If small and discreet isn’t your style because of texture or power constraints, there are some sex toys you can travel with that are larger and more powerful, but innocuous enough that the TSA won’t realize what exactly they’re looking at. Old-school back massagers are ideal in this situation because they are still used by many for back massage, but have been co-opted by all sorts of women into clitoral stimulators. Traveling with one of these toys is going to take up more room in your luggage, but sometimes hiding something in plain sight is the most effective method of traveling with a sex toy. The Hitachi Magic Wand is the classic example of this type of massager, but the Rechargeable Body Wand is might be a better choice if you’re going out of the country and don’t want to bring adapters for plugging things in.

Because luggage screeners are often looking for random motors/wires which will set off an inspection, the another way to to travel with sex toys without being subjected to additional screening is to travel with non-vibrating toys. Some non-vibrating toys look more non-phallic than others, but a lot of them probably won’t arouse suspicion, and like the Hitachi, some of them might be mistaken for back massagers. Any of Njoy’s stainless steel toys are sleek and artsy looking, and Pyrex toys are going to fit into this same mold, meaning they might slip under the radar. If you’re traveling with a harness, Tantus and Vixen dongs come in non-vibrating varieties as well. For men who want to travel with a prostate stimulator, the Aneros line of toys are hard plastic toys that don’t vibrate, and look unsuspecting.

These are just a few of the types of toys that are more likely to fly under the radar if you’re concerned about traveling with sex toys in your carry-on or checked luggage. In an ideal world, traveling with sex toys would not be something to feel shame, stress, or embarassment over, but the reality is that that’s not always the case, and a lot of travelers are looking for items that might not be easily identified as toys if a luggage screener pulls them out of your bag, or see them on an X-Ray. For this reason, there are toys that exist that are made to look discreet and innocuous enough to give you peace of mind if you’re trying to fly somewhere with it.

The great thing about masturbation and sex is that there is often overlap between things that feel good and things that are good for you! Kegel exercises (contracting the PC muscle) is one of the activities that is good for you while feeling awesome. Not only is strengthening the pubococcygeus (PC) muscles going to help improve your sex life, doing Kegel exercises regularly is going to prevent possible health problems in the future. As with most sex topics, there are misconceptions about PC muscle exercise; that only pregnant women need to do it, that it’s only for people with weak bladders, or that only women do it. However, everyone can benefit from PC muscle exercise, and it’s smart (and healthy) to do so.

Benefits of PC Muscle Exercise

There are potential sexual and health benefits for men and women who regularly exercise their PC muscles. For men, these include maintaining erections longer, learning to delay ejaculation, and maintaining/improving prostate health. For women, the benefits include increasing stimulation and pleasure during sex and preparing for childbirth. In both men and women, PC muscle exercises can help prevent incontinence, increase stimulation during sex, and lead to more intense orgasms. Unlike other types of exercise, you can exercise your PC muscles anywhere and at any time, so there’s no excuse not to get started right now!

Where are the PC muscles located?

The PC muscles are the muscles you feel contract during arousal and orgasm, and are easy to locate (so you can be sure you’re exercising the right ones). If you imagine that you are peeing and trying to stop the flow of urine, the muscles you contract are your PC muscles. If you have a vagina, you can also try to locate your PC muscles by inserting a finger and attempting to squeeze it.

How to exercise the PC muscles

PC muscle exercise is simple! All you have to do is to contract your PC muscles, hold them for a few seconds, and then relax the muscles and repeat. It’s a good idea to pick the number of contractions you want to do in one session (10 to 15 is a good number to shoot for), and then do this a few times a day. Once you’re used to the basic Kegel exercise technique, you want to try to increase the amount of time you can keep the muscles contracted from a few seconds to around 10 seconds. This will help tone the muscles, which is what creates better muscle control to help achieve or delay orgasm and builds a stronger pelvic floor (which helps with pregnancy and incontinence). These exercises will also just help you become more aware of your PC muscles and how they work, so that you can use them to their full potential during sex. If you’re not content with having to remember to exercise your PC muscles, there are a few toys that can help as well.

Toys made for PC muscle exercise

It’s important to note that almost all toys made for Kegel exercises are only safe to use vaginally. If you’re a guy who wants to exercise your PC muscles, the method above is the best way, since most Kegel exercisers are not safe to use anally.

Many people believe it’s better for do Kegel exercises with Ben-Wa Balls or other exercisers because it creates something for the PC muscles to resist against, which strengthens them. Traditionally, Ben-Wa balls have been the most common toy used for PC muscle exercise. Ben-Wa Balls are just balls that are inserted in the vagina. They come in two styles; hard plastic/glass balls that are separated or soft, silicone balls that are connected with a string for retrieval. For the balls that are separate, the goal is to insert them and hold them in to strengthen the PC muscles. These are better to use for shorter periods of time, as they have the potential to come out after a long period of exercise, since the muscles can become tired.

Connected Ben-Wa balls are better if you want to wear them all day, or want something that isn’t going to have to be “held in” as much. Most of the connected Be Wa balls have weights in them that respond to the movement of your body, so that the PC muscles involuntarily react to the movement of the Ben-Wa balls. Instead of having to keep them held in like the traditional glass ones, you can go about your business and exercise your PC muscles whenever. Usually, you want to start using Ben-Wa balls for 10 to 15 minutes, then work your way to longer periods of time. If you’re going to be wearing them for over 30 minutes, it’s probably a good idea to pair them with a simple water-based lube so you don’t have any discomfort. The connected Ben-Wa balls are nice to because they all have a cord for easy retrieval, and the weights inside are mildly pleasurable, so they can be fun to wear when doing boring day-to-day activities (like showering or laundry). My personal favorite is the Ami set by Je Joue since it includes three sets of weighted Kegel balls, so you can start with the lighter one, and work your way up to the heavier ones. Vanity also makes a neat Ben-Wa ball toy called the VR1. This toy changes the strength of vibration depending on how hard it’s squeezed, so the stronger your PC muscles get, the more you can control the vibration of the toy.

There are also bars made for Kegel exercises. While Fascinations doesn’t carry any of the bars specifically made for Kegel exercise, this glass toy resembles a Kegel bar because it’s straight, has different sized balls on each end, and is a hard material. With a toy like this, you start insert the larger end and try to keep the toy held in. When that becomes easy, you use the smaller side of the toy and do the same thing. Some people recommend using a bar like this and attempting to hold it with the PC muscles while you are pulling it out to create the same resistance in the PC muscles as talked about above. A bar like this can be used anally by men, but make sure to keep a hold on it because it doesn’t not have a flared base.

Keeping your PC muscles exercised is not only good for your sex life, but good for your health, which is true of many sexual activities. It’s really simple to keep your PC muscles strengthened whether you’re pregnant, need some help with bladder control, or just want to become more aware of the PC muscles and how they work so you can have more pleasurable orgasms. It’s always good when health and pleasure can overlap!

A lot of peoples first experience at Fascinations is with a group of friends on someone’s 18th birthday, shopping for naughty/funny bachelorette party items, or looking for a cute Halloween costume. Because all of our stores are welcoming, well-lit, and staffed with knowledgeable people, a lot of the people who first come in for fun decide to return to us when they want to pick out their first vibrator.

However, picking a first toy can be an overwhelming experience, not least because there are hundreds of toys to choose from in all different shapes, materials, sizes, and price ranges. Those four factors are good things to think about before shopping for a first toy, so you’re not swimming in a sea of vibrators with no idea what direction you want to go in. The other important thing to think about is what kind of stimulation you want from a toy. If you’re specific about the kind(s) of stimulation you want, it’s going to be easier to narrow down your options and make sure you get a toy that is right for you. Of course, if it’s your first toy, or you’re buying a first toy for a friend or partner, you might not know exactly what you want, which is why all of Fascination’s staff is trained extensively on toys. If you live near our stores, you can just come in and ask an associate for help, but if you’re not able to do that, this is where this handy guide comes in.

Generally, there is one good place to start when it comes to getting a first vibrator; the clitoris. Since almost all women orgasm easier and more often from clitoral stimulation than g-spot stimulation, most women’s first toys are clitoral vibrators. For this reason, bullet vibrators are a good choice. Generally, you want to get a clitoral vibrator that has more than one speed because everyone’s clit is different and a one-speed toy (like the Pocket Rocket) might not have the right vibration for you. Most of the small, wire-free bullet vibrators have one speed and take watch batteries, which means they run out quickly, but if you want something small and simple, the Iconic Bullet and Candy Bullet both have multiple speeds, and the Candy Bullet even has pulsing settings. However, having to buy new batteries frequently is the downside to these small bullets, which is why it’s sometimes a better idea to get a bullet that has a wire and controller and takes AA or AAA batteries. Both the Bunny Teaser and the Slimline Bullet are popular first-time bullets that have a lot of speed options. There’s a downside to bullets with wires, though. Eventually any toy with a wire is going to short out, whether it’s in 6 months or 6 years, so it will have to be replaced. For this reason, small chargeable clitoral vibrators have recently become all the rage since they have the same power as the wired bullets, but have less pieces, are quieter, and generally have at least a year warranty. Fascinations carries numerous chargeable clitoral toys, but some of the most popular are the Form 2, Mimi, Touch, Siri, and Alia. While these toys are a little pricier than a standard bullet vibrator, they don’t require batteries of any kind (since they charge), which means they’re going to last longer. These chargeable toys also make a good gift if you’re getting your partner her first toy and you don’t want anything that might seem scary or intimidating. Jimmy Jane, Lelo, We Vibe, Fun Factory and Je Joue toys are all sleek-looking and come in classy packaging that is made to be non-intimidating.

On the other hand, you might want a first toy that you can use for clitoral stimulation, but that will also work if you want to stimulate/find your G-spot as well. If this is the case, any vibrating toy that is 4 inches or longer will work just fine. For a first time, you probably don’t want to pick out the biggest toy in the world, since comfort is just as important as vibration when it comes to masturbation. If you’re going to be using a longer toy mainly for clitoral stimulation, but might use it internally, you probably want a toy that has the vibrating part at the tip of the toy. The Lia and Patchy Paul are both popular toys in this category because they have a small curve, but keep the vibration toward the tip. If you think you’ll be using the toy equally for internal and external stimulation, the Gigi is a very good choice. It has a curve and is firm to help stimulate the G-spot, but has a flat spot at the top that is good for clitoral stimulation. A lot of women choose a toy like this for their first toy so they are not limited in options for stimulation. Toys that can be used internally or externally make excellent gifts if you are unsure what your partner will want in a toy because you can use it a few different ways (and have fun finding those ways together!). Small clitoral vibes certainly aren’t going to help find the G-spot, so something longer is great for that, and still works well if you want clitoral stimulation. It’s always a good idea to pair a water-based lube with any toy that can be used internally, so there isn’t any discomfort.

There are also toys like the Iconic Rabbit, and the Lelo Ina, which are dual-stimulating toys, meaning they stimulate the G-Spot and clitoris at the same time. Generally, these are not going to be good first time toys unless you are familiar with what kind of stimulation you like and know you like to have your G-Spot and clitoris stimulated at the same time. A lot of people who get rabbit vibes as their first toy only end up using the clitoral stimulation part because they don’t particularly care for rotating beads/other internal movement on their toy.

Even narrowing down your search in the ways suggested here is going to leave you with several options for a first toy, but hopefully it will help you figure out what type of shape, size, and stimulation you want in a toy, and help focus you on the right choice. Of course, if you have questions about the pros and cons of specific toys as first time toys, you can ask them in the comments!

All kinds of sex, from the most vanilla to the most kinky, are surrounded by misinformation and misconceptions that can make expressing your desires confusing for fear of being seen as “dirty.” Anal play and anal sex are especially prone to these misconceptions, so today we’re going to debunk some of the common myths that surround anal play.

1. Anal Sex Hurts

   Many guests come into Fascinations looking for products that numb the anus because the anal sex they’re having hurts, or they want to try anal for the first time and think it is supposed to hurt. If anal sex hurts, it doesn’t mean you should find something to numb the pain, it means you’re not doing it correctly. These words might sound harsh, but they are true. Anal play should be pleasurable for everyone involved, and numbing the anal area not only prevents you from feeling pleasure (yay!), but also prevents you from feeling if you’re being hurt (boo!). The anus is more fragile than other sexual orifices and the sphincter muscles can tear or rip somewhat easily, which means you need to be aware of your body’s boundaries when engaging in anal play.

   There are two things that are necessary for a every anal experience; lube and love. Unlike the vagina, the anus does not self-lubricate and anything that is going to enter the anus needs to be slippery (and no, spit doesn’t work despite what mainstream pornography may lead you to believe). For optimum comfort, a thick water-based lube is good (especially if you’re incorporating toys). Many people prefer silicone lube for anal play because it lasts a lot longer than water-based lubes. If you’re not sure, you might want to get a bottle of both and explore which type of lube you like best.

   For the love part of the anal equation, there are as many options as there are anal sex positions. Love, in this case, has nothing to do with romance, but a lot to do with giving the anus a lot of attention! The best way to show you or your partner’s butt some love is to engage in lots of foreplay to help open up the anus and make penetration comfortable. This can include anilingus and the use of fingers (with lube). A good rule is to start small and work your way up. A lot of people prefer to use toys to help open the anus before intercourse. A non-porous toy material is best when it comes to anal play because you don’t have to worry about the toy absorbing feces, bacteria, or viruses. The great thing about anal toys, like butt plugs, is that they are designed for the anus and they come in different sizes, so you can get a few to help you work up to penetration if you find anal sex challenging. Some people aren’t interested in anal sex, but like anal stimulation during foreplay or vaginal intercourse. In these cases, anal beads are a good compliment to any sex life (you just pull them out slowly as orgasm begins to help intensify it).

2. Anal Sex Doesn’t Feel Good

   This myth is easy to debunk! 1. The opening of the anus has more nerve endings than any sexual organ besides the clitoris, which means using a tongue or vibrator on the anal opening is going to feel good 2. The male G-spot (the prostate) is located inside the anus and many men enjoy prostate stimulation just like many women enjoy G-spot stimulation. Some men can even orgasm from prostate stimulation alone 3. The female G-spot can be indirectly stimulated through anal penetration, meaning women can orgasm from anal sex too. There are many other examples of why anal stimulation is pleasurable, which means this myth just stems from a fear of anal sex rather than any medically-based evidence.

3. Anal Sex is Dirty

   This is another common misconception about anal sex. A lot of people have a fear of coming into contact with fecal matter during anal play. While this is a valid concern, since feces travel through the rectum and out the anus when someone goes to the restroom, any person who has regular bowel movements, goes to the bathroom before anal play, and showers, bathes, or otherwise cleans (baby wipes are perfect for this!) before engaging in anal activity is going to be fine. There is nothing else that needs to be done. However, if you are concerned about your anal hygiene, a warm water enema (too hot or too cold of water could lead to abdominal cramps) an hour or two before anal sex should assuage any fears you have. Note: Cleaning out the anus with soap and water, wine, rubbing alcohol, or other chemicals/food is a bad idea. The rectum absorbs things very quickly and the purpose of an enema is to create a bowel movement to expel feces. This is achieved by using an enema. The liquid you use in an enema is not going to make the anus any cleaner, and you can seriously injure yourself or your sensitive mucous membranes with soaps and other liquids).

   An actual health issue you should be concerned with during anal play, as with any form of sexual activity, is the transmission of STDs and STIs. You can give or contract the same STDs and STIs through anal play as all other sexual activities. Using a condom when having anal intercourse, or a dental dam when performing anilingus is the best way to protect yourself from STDs and STIs.

4. Women Can’t Enjoy Anal Sex

   See Myth Number 2

5. Straight Men Who Like Anal Stimulation are Secretly Gay

   This myth is probably one of the most common and one of the most harmful to straight men who want to explore their own sexual pleasure. This myth has never made sense, since there isn’t a corollary for women. If men who like anal stimulation are gay, then wouldn’t women who like it also be gay? Or why aren’t men who enjoy blow jobs considered gay? It’s not our actions that determine our sexual orientation, but who we choose to enjoy those things with. Anyone who enjoys any sexual activity likes it because it feels good, not because of who they are attracted to. This stereotype also marginalizes many gay men who don’t enjoy anal play and reduces gay men’s identity down to one sex act. This myth is a result of homophobia that is rampant in society, which does a disservice to everyone. All sorts of people like anal play and it means absolutely nothing about their sexual orientation.

Hopefully, this information helps assuage the most common concerns people have about trying anal sex. As long as a sexual act is safe and consensual there should be no shame in trying new things with yourself or your partner!

Last week, Fascinations hosted one of our Let’s Talk Sex events on erotic fellatio at our Tempe location. We know not everyone can make it to our fabulous Let’s Talk Sex workshops, so we use this blog as a venue to complement the phenomenal sex education taking place in our stores, whether through workshops, or the vast knowledge our associates possess and share with our guests on a daily basis. (By the way, if you’re interested in attending one of our Let’s Talk Sex workshops, the event calendar is located here. Most events are free and open to all people 18+).

When men are polled, fellatio is usually listed as one of the top sex acts they enjoy, yet many women (and men) are less than enthusiastic when it comes to giving blow jobs. Often, this is because blow jobs are considered a quick foreplay activity that helps prepare for the “main act;” intercourse. When fellatio is seen as a chore by someone’s partner, the sexiness and intimacy is lost. Oral sex, and other non-penetrative sex activities, can be pleasurable in and of itself, and thinking about sex apart from penetration can help enhance everyone’s sex life. Many men love fellatio because it’s the time when their partner can focus purely on pleasing them, and spoil them a little bit. If you’re one of those people who wants fellatio to be more fun when you’re performing it, there are lots of places to start.

The internet has become a burgeoning resource for information on a variety of sex education topics, but it’s often hard to find websites where you can guarantee the information is medically accurate and safe. Books are still one of the best places to find accurate information. In the last decade, many authors have begun to publish books on every sexual topic imaginable. If you are determined to become an expert on a particular subject, finding a good book that covers your topic is going to be the way to go. The other handy thing about books is you can easily reference them when there’s something you’ve forgotten, or when you want to share a successful sex-tip with your friends. Plus, books tend to have the most illustrative pictures, which can help if there’s a concept you’re not quite understanding. Once you’ve amassed a sex education library, you’ll not only be an expert in your own relationships, but can be a great resource for friends who need some sexy ideas to spice up their sex lives!

Most books about fellatio focus on techniques and feel-good tricks. Going Down is one of the more comprehensive books on fellatio, and discusses anatomy, techniques, and how to incorporate sensual blow jobs into your relationship. For something that’s a little shorter, but contains some fabulous techniques and tips, Tickle His Pickle is a great (and quick!) read. If you’re pretty good in the technique department, but want to get creative in fantasy + oral sex department, Oral Sex He’ll Never Forget is the right book for you. It is a detailed guide to 52 different ways to give a blow job. As mentioned earlier, books are a great way to become an expert in variety and technique when it comes to giving fellatio. However, not everyone has the time to sit down and read a book and then practice all the different techniques to figure out what works the best for their partner. In these cases, there are some simple ways to spice up a blow job to give your partner a mind-blowing experience.

The simplest way to spice up a blow job is to make it tasty, so you have something delicious to lick off him. Flavored lubes add flavor to a blow job and are safe to use internally, so you don’t have to worry about washing the lube off if you’re going to proceed to intercourse later on. You can also find lube in pretty much any flavor imaginable. The Pink Lemonade lube from Sliquid is delicious (and all natural!), and System Jo offers several different flavors that are quality as well. The great thing about flavored lubes is that they come in handy when performing safe oral sex because instead of having to worry about getting a flavored condom that you don’t like from a 3-pack, you can just add some of your favorite flavored lube to a non-lubricated condom and you’re set to give a blow job without the risk on contracting STIs or STDs.

The only downside to flavored lube is that he’s not going to feel sensation from it, except slipperiness, so the all sensation is going to have to come from technique alone. An easy way to add some sensation for him is to find a tingling lube or gel to incorporate into oral sex. Wet’s 4-in-1 warming lube adds sensation for him and flavor for you, and is safe to use internally like the lubes listed above. Kama Sutra makes a line of stimulating gels that taste good and tingle (rather than warm). Just remember, any gel or lube that adds sensation is going to feel the same in your mouth, so make sure you’re OK with tasting warming or cooling sensations while you’re using it. The best part about warming and tingling/cooling lubes/gels is that they can add sensation to other parts of the body like the nipples, anus, or clitoris, so you can both take turns applying them to each other then licking them off.

Spicing up a blow job doesn’t just have to be about adding flavor or sensation to the penis, though. Incorporating vibrators or penis sleeves to change up your blow job routine can help blow his mind (pun intended). The great thing about having a a clitoral vibrator on hand is that you can easily pull it out and use it during a blow job. A vibrator like the Layaspot fits easily in the palm of your hand and has a curve that is perfect to use on the frenulum (the most sensitive part of the penis), rub up and down the shaft, rest against the testicles, or use on the perineum (the sensitive piece of skin between the testicles and the anus). If you want to be a little more adventurous, you can use a beginner anal toy like the Pro Touch while giving him a blow job. Or, if you want a toy that will add some sensation to your blow job, and help avoid the possibility of gagging, a simple sleeve like The Stroker is designed to feel similar to vaginal muscles and will give you opportunity to focus your mouth on the most sensitive parts of his penis (just make sure you use plenty of lube on the sleeve).

If you’re just determined to show him that you want to spoil him and make him feel good, a toy or lube might not even be necessary. Setting up a sexy night that starts with wearing some cute lingerie and then showing off some of the techniques you learned at our Let’s Talk Sex workshop, or in a book, is a simple and erotic way to show your partner you care about them and want to focus on their pleasure too.

Fellatio can be a fun and erotic way to express your feelings for your partner, help them relax after a long week, or start a night of hot sex off on the right foot. Whatever your purpose for wanting to become a blow job expert, lots of toys, books and sexy items exist to complement and enhance whatever you have in mind. It’s always good to remember that fellatio doesn’t always have to be just foreplay, but can be a fun sex act in and of itself.

Description

Sex and masturbation are all about loving your body, having fun, and feeling good. Most people are familiar with safe sex when referring to sexual activity; using barrier methods to prevent the transmission of STIs and STDs. Not a lot of people think about safe sex toy use as a component of safe sex, but it is important too, whether using a toy with a partner(s) or using a toy by yourself. Body safe toys are not going to have irritating chemicals in them, are not going to have the potential to absorb body fluids ,and are safe to share with a partner without the risk of transmitting STDs/STIs and other bacteria from other people who’ve previously used that toy.

Not all sex toys are created equal, and with the thousands of toys that exist, there are many different materials that can harbor plasticizing chemicals, which come into contact with the most sensitive parts of your body. Lots of people are familiar with the experience of using a toy one night and feeling uncomfortable irritation the next morning in places where the toy came in contact with their body. There are two main reasons this irritation occurs with toy use; a sensitivity to the toy material (like latex found in jelly-rubber toys), or because the toy contains phthalates, which are chemicals used to turn hard plastic into soft plastic, and are in some soft toys. If you’re sensitive at all, or concerned about what you put into your body, there is an easy way to tell if a toy contains phthalates; it will have a strong rubbery smell. This doesn’t mean you have to throw the toy away (unless you’d like to upgrade to something nicer). Putting a condom over any toy will eliminate any contact the toy material has with your body, and will eliminate the risk of irritation. For many, the thought of having to use a condom with a sex toy seems prohibitive and time-consuming. Luckily, toy companies are now making many phthalate-free toys (and indicate it on the packaging), so you can find a good affordable toy that is non-toxic. Evolved’s line of toys might be a good place to start if looking for basic, phthalate-free toys. They make everything from mini-vibes to rabbit vibes, but all Evolved toys are made phthalate-free.

If you’re concerned about phthalates, or sensitive to latex or other materials, there is one very simple way to ensure any toy you get will be safe to use and will not irritate you; and that’s to get educated about toy materials. Any toy that is made from a non-porous material will automatically be free of phthalates, latex, and other chemicals, meaning you can be sure you’re using something that’s 100% body safe.

There are many great properties of non-porous sex toys besides being phthalate free:

• They can be fully sterilized.This means you can get all bacteria off of the toy by boiling it (if it doesn’t vibrate, or has a removable vibrator), washing it on the top shelf of your dishwasher, or wiping it down with a 10% bleach/90% water solution. This is handy for lots of reasons, but especially good if you want to ensure you’re getting you’re toy 100% clean. The ability to sterilize a toy is especially important for anal toys, since the anus harbors more bacteria than other parts of the body, and a porous toy is going to absorb that bacteria too. Using bleach or boiling water on porous toys will ruin or melt them, which is why they cannot be fully sterilized.
• They do not discolor or fall apart with use.The reason that some toys discolor or start to fall apart after several uses is that they absorb body fluids, lubricant, and dirt. Not only does this mean you can never fully sterilize them, it means you’re going to want to throw it away once it starts to change color. Non-porous toys do not discolor, which means you’ll keep the toy around longer since it doesn’t get dirty. I know that sounds a little gross, but it’s the truth when it comes to porous toys. Again, you can prevent this discoloration by using a condom over a porous toy during use.
• They conduct vibration better.Because non-porous toys are denser, they tend to have stronger vibration potential than jelly toys. This means you’re going to get more power out of your toy if it is made out of a non-porous material.
• Certain non-porous material are virtually indestructible.Non-vibrating, non-porous toys will last forever if you take care of them.
• They come in soft and hard varieties. There’s a good variety of non-porous toy materials, which means there’s something for everyone.

Now that you have a basic understanding of body-safe, non-porous toys, you just have to discover which toy materials are non-porous. If you’re looking for a soft non-porous material, 100% medical grade silicone is the only way to go. Fun Factory, Jimmy Jane, Tantus, Vixen, and Lelo all make quality 100% silicone toys. Not all these silicone toys feel the same or have the consistency. Vixen and Tantus make mostly phallic-shaped objects that are soft and realistic feeling. Fun Factory makes a lot of soft, bright vibrating toys in different shapes and sizes. Lelo and Jimmy Jane make excellent vibrators that are firm to the touch and pack a lot of punch. Tantus and Fun Factory also make great anal toys. Just remember that any toy that is 100% silicone is going to say so on the packaging. A toy that says “pure silicone” or “hygienic silicone” or some variation of that is not likely to be 100% silicone and may contain other materials.

For hard non-porous materials, you have more than one option. Steel, Pyrex or glass, and medical-grade hard plastic are all great materials with different properties. Steel is heavy, indestructible and cool to the touch, which makes it a good choice for G and P-Spot stimulation. Any of the Njoy toys are great for vaginal or anal play. Pyrex and glass toys are not as heavy as steel, but are still solid, and can be heated up or cooled down in a bowl of water before use. The Icicles line is a good glass line, or there are Pyrex brands sold in Fascinations stores. Pyrex and glass toys also tend to be some of the most visually appealing toys. Medical grade hard plastic toys like the Aneros prostate stimulators are going to be a lot lighter that steel or Pyrex, but still have the firmness of those two materials.

Lots of people are concerned with putting safe and healthy food, cosmetics, and other items into their bodies, but often sex toys are left out of that conversation. While using toys in your love life is always fun, the materials in them can be irritating to people who are sensitive, which can put a damper on any sexy experience. Using non-porous toys not only eliminates the risk of irritation, but it guarantees that the toys will last longer because they won’t discolor or break down. Safe sex isn’t just about condom use, it includes lots of other intimate items we use when having fun in bed.

Over months and years, couples tend to get into routines when it comes to sex, which can often lead to both partners wanting more variety, reminiscing about when sex was more exciting, and rarely having sex at all. It’s not that the sex is worse than it used to be; it’s just that it becomes a routine like so many other things in our lives. Once sex becomes less spontaneous, or feels like a chore, it can be hard to figure out how to make it exciting again. Instead of reading up on all the fancy new tips to “look sexy again” in fashion magazines, or how to bring back the “spark,” which tend to blame a boring personality, or aging looks on a reduced sex drive, it might be better to get back to basics and start exploring each others bodies and desires like you did when you were first together. It’s only natural that, over time, our bodies and desires change. These changes combined with more responsibility and aging mean that sex isn’t always going to be the same experience it was when a relationship began.

One of the best ways to re-connect with your partner is through touch. While a lot of sex talk focuses on trying new positions, or finding the g-spot, touch can be one of the best activities for getting things re-ignited with your partner. Often, our partners know where our sensitive spots are, and when they touch us there, we feel attracted to them and happy that they know where those secret places lie. If we think of sexual activity only as intercourse, there’s usually so much going on we feel too busy or stressed out to set time aside, but spending a little bit of time before bed, or right after you wake up on the weekend to give each other a massage and cuddle can be a first step to a great sexual experience, or it can be an end in and of itself! Scheduling time for a movie/cuddle night is a great way to make sure you both have time to hang out together without the usual distractions of kids, jobs, or household duties.

Of course, massage and cuddling are fun by themselves, but adding a few accessories can help with fatigue, or if you decide to progress to other sexy activities. The first place to start is with massage oil. The Kama Sutra brand makes several basic massage oils that are all wonderful. Their Serenity is a good basic massage oil beause the scent is mild and calming. Kama Sutra’s Oil of Love is a warming, flavored massage oil that is fun to lick off your partner if you want something a little sexier! If you’re concerned about having oil on your hands and body once things get hot and heavy, System Jo makes massage glide that can also be used as lube. It comes in handy when you don’t feel like washing your hands before moving into foreplay activities. If you want a little more romance in your massage, Jimmy Jane’s massage candles are perfect. You can light the candle to add ambience, and then pour the massage oil out and rub it in. Warm massage oil might be one of the best things ever, and Jimmy Jane even makes a basic ceramic massager that you can get separately, or in a set.

If you’re more in a mood to re-discover where your partner likes to be touched, a massage might be a little tame. It’s always fun to take it up a notch and get a basic blindfold and a feather tickler. Not only do blindfolds help intensify the other senses (including touch), it offers you the opportunity to tease your partner and watch their reaction when you find their special spots. If you want to get a little friskier, you can always add a pair of handcuffs to that combination.

Of course, oils and blindfolds aren’t for everyone. Sometimes it’s nice to enhance a massage with a simple item that will add vibration or another sensation. Most people think of traditional back massagers, like the Hitachi, as the go-to for good massages, but something that big (and loud) can make it hard to use during a movie, or after you’ve put the kids to sleep. Luckily, there are many smaller/quieter items that work just as well for a good back massage. The Jimmy Jane Massage Stone mentioned above works great without massage oil too. It doesn’t vibrate, but the firmness is good for helping get those knots out and relaxing your partner. For something small and flat the Mimi by JeJoue makes a really good back massager (and clitoral vibe later on!). The fact the Mimi charges means that you can pull it out at a moment’s notice and don’t have to worry about the batteries being dead if it’s been charged recently. Another awesome massage accessory is the Fukuoku glove. This glove is waterproof (meaning you can use massage oils with it if you want, or can take it in the shower), and has a small vibrating part in each finger. Even if you’re just giving a light back rub, the Fukuoku glove is great for enhancing sensation. Because of how it vibrates, it also works great as a clitoral toy.

Massage and touch can be great ways to connect with our partners and remind us of why we like each other so much in the first place. Often, life can seem to get in the way of sex and romance, and starting with the basics can help bring passion and attraction back into our love lives. It doesn’t have to be complicated

Lube can be a fun and affordable way to spice up your sex life, but making sure you know the basics about lube, so you can pick the one that’s right for you, your partner (and your toys!), is a little more complicated. Walking into any Fascinations store to purchase a bottle of lube can be an overwhelming experience. Most people’s familiarity with personal lubricant consists of the two brands sold at the drug store, or the obnoxious commercials on TV that don’t do much to educate you about the product. Discovering that there are as many types of lubes as flavors of soup can make anyone’s head spin. Luckily, the staff at Fascinations is well prepared to give you a lube primer to start you on your slippery journey. If you don’t live near Fascinations, only shop online, or want to do a little research before coming in, consider this your Lube 101 course.

The most important thing to understand about lube is that it’s not just for use at the doctor’s office, or for women who have trouble getting or staying wet during intercourse. Basic lube can be a great accessory for longer sex sessions and sex with toys (and is a must-have for any anal play). If you just want to add a little spice to the sex you’re having, there are also numerous flavored lubes and lubes with ingredients to add sensation to good sex.

The first thing you want to decide when picking out a standard lubricant is what base you want it to have. Lubricants have two main bases: water and silicone (there are also oil based lubes, but those are not meant to be used internally and are for male masturbation only). Both water and silicone lubes are compatible with latex barriers, so you won’t have to change your safe sex practices if you prefer one base to the other. Water and silicone lubes each have different advantages and disadvantages.

Water-based lubes. Water-based lubes are great because they closely imitate natural lubrication, are compatible with all toy materials, wash off easily, and don’t stain. On the other hand, as you’re using a water-based lube, your body starts to absorb the water in it, which gives it the tendency to get sticky/go away. (Quick tip: If you notice your water-based lube is getting sticky, or is less slippery, adding water or saliva will re-activate it. If you put on more lube, you’ll amplify the stickiness). System Jo’s water-based lubricant is often a good place to start. It is affordable, but better quality than the lube carried at the drug store. If you would prefer a top-of-the line water-based lube, Pjur Aqua is the way to go. It lasts a long time, and is silky-smooth. If you’re sensitive, prone to yeast infections, or concerned about what goes into your body, natural and organic lubes might be more down you’re alley. Sliquid and Pjur both make organic or natural lines of lube that are formulated for sensitive people. They don’t contain parabens, PEGs, or other chemicals that tend to irritate sensitive areas. Also, all Sliquid is glycerin-free, which makes it better for those prone to yeast infections, since glycerin is a form of sugar.

Silicone lubes. Silicone lubes last a lot longer than water-based lubes because the human body doesn’t absorb silicone. These lubes tend to have less ingredients, feel silky to the touch, and can be used in the shower, bathtub, or pool. However, silicone lube is not compatible with silicone toys (and very hard to clean off any porous toy), will stain sheets and clothes it comes into contact with, and has to be washed off of toys and/or body parts with soap AND water. The thing to remember with silicone lube is that a little goes a long way! Pjur’s Original Bodyglide is a top-selling silicone lube. It is possibly the smoothest lube on the planet, and does not ever feel thick or sticky. It also only contains three ingredients, so while it’s not all-natural, it’s not likely people with sensitive skin. Pink, System Jo, and Wet also make quality silicone lubes. Silicone lubes are great for anal play because they last so long, which is why many people prefer them for anal intercourse.

If you still can’t decide which type of lube you prefer, you can always get a couple’s lube, which contains a bottle of silicone lube and one water-based lube, which can be used together or seperately. The lubes have different stimulating sensations as well. Two companies make these couples kits; Wet Together, and System Jo 2 to Tango. These are couple’s lubes that each have different properties, but are made to be used together. Of course, many people have both water and silicone based lubes on hand depending on the sexual activity they’re going to engage in. You never have to limit yourself to one brand of lube. The key is to find which lubes you like the best and stick with them!

Once you find the lube you love, or if you’re just looking for a lubricant that will add some sensation to your love life, you have a whole new set of options (no, I wasn’t kidding about being overwhelmed!). Lots of people choose to use flavored lube to spice up their sex lives. It can be fun to pour flavored lube on your partner’s sexy areas and then lick it up! All flavored lubes are water-based. System Jo makes a delicious line of flavored lubes, and if you’re sensitive, Sliquid offers glycerin free, all natural flavored lubes (The green apple tastes just like a Jolly Rancher!).

In addition to flavor, lots of lubes offer cooling, warming or stimulating sensations. Not everyone likes stimulating lubes, so it’s best to start with a small amount, and then if you like the sensation, add a little more. System Jo’s cooling lubes are awesome, as are their warming ones. If you want a more intense warming lube, Hot Pink works well. And if you’re sensitive, or want a lube that tingles, Sliquid will once again hook you up with their organic stimulating lube.

Hopefully this have given you an introduction to the major types of lubes available (and trust me, it only scratches the surface), and what to expect from different types of lubes. Often, with lube, it is a trial and error process, so don’t be frustrated if you don’t like the first lube you try. Your best bet is to stay away from the drug store brands, and come into a store like Fascinations, so you can give yourself real options, and find the lube that’s perfect for you.

Description

While the G-Spot can be elusive in some women, by using the proper tools, almost any woman can discover her G-Spot. If you are starting from scratch, one of the best ways to learn about the G-Spot is by reading The Smart Girl’s Guide to the G-Spot. This book is a good beginner book because it explains the anatomy of the G-Spot, but also discusses the best positions and toys to use to reach the G-Spot. If reading a book sounds too time consuming, Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to the G-Spot is an educational film that demonstrates different methods of G-Spot stimulation. There are lots of wonderful things about this film: The first scene is a traditional anatomy lesson that explains the structure of the vagina and then shows a real couple demonstrating techniques, which might not be clear by just looking at an anatomy diagram. Additionally, you can watch the scenes with or without instructions, so it doubles as a good couple’s movie. If you want an educational movie that demonstrates G-Spot and clitoral orgasms, the Expert Guide to Female Orgasms does just that and has the same format.

If you want some fun toys to accompany you on your journey to discover the G-Spot, or if you just can’t find the right toy to get you there, Fascinations carries many toys designed for G-Spot stimulation. Since the G-Spot is best stimulated with a toy that is firm and curved, the NJOY Pure Wand is a great option. This sensually curved beauty provides a direct connection to your favorite spot – G or P – or wherever it feels best. Crafted in njoy’s trademark gleaming medical-grade stainless steel, with the perfect curvature so you can lay back and relax while you pleasure yourself or your partner. A good beginner G-Spot toy is the Seduction by Evolved. This is a hard plastic toy that has the firmness of Pyrex, but a velvet coat, which means it’s soft to the touch. It has a bulbous head, which is good for stimulating the G-Spot, similar to a curve. For a softer option, Tantus makes the Echo that has several ridges that are going to stimulate the G-spot repeatedly. Tantus toys are 100% medical-grade silicone, which means they are non-porous and can be fully sterilized between uses.

The great thing about having a G-Spot toy is you can set time aside to practice with it until you’re able to figure out what kind of G-Spot stimulation suits you best, or you can use it with your partner to figure it out together! Then when you’re getting down and dirty, you’ll know what angles/positions/motions are going to get right to your G-Spot. Sex toys can be a great way to enhance your sex life whether you use them together or separately!

Description

Many couples are well acquainted with getting intimate in the shower.  As the demands of our jobs, children, families and living conditions become more complicated, the shower is one of the few places that provides a quick escape for some private naughty-time. The shower is also a great place to have sex because it’s the only place in the house where you’re expected to have no clothes on! While many people are familiar with Fascinations as the place to shop when they want to try something new, most of the items we carry are designed to complement the sex you’re already having; including accessories to make sex in the shower a more enjoyable experience. With the help of Fascinations, it’s easy to turn sex in the shower from a fast alternative into a fun and fulfilling part of your love life.

One of the most stressful parts of having sex in the shower is how cramped most showers are, and how slippery they are (and not in the good way!). These factors often make it complicated to hold onto your partner, use your favorite toy, or get into your favorite position. We’ve all had that moment where we move to rest our foot on the edge of the bathtub and then realize that it’s too slippery and small for adequate support. What we wouldn’t give for something to support our arms or legs in the shower, a toy that’s small and easy to use, or a lube that doesn’t wash away, so we can focus all our energy on our partner and our pleasure. Thankfully, the demand for shower-friendly products has been met with a lot of clever items designed to make showering, and sex, a whole lot more fun!

Traditionally, waterproof vibrators have had one thing protecting the batteries and motor from getting wet: a small rubber band at the base of the battery compartment. While this method of waterproofing is effective when rinsing the toy in the sink to clean it, it doesn’t always work well when you have the toy under water for an extended period of time, like in the shower or bath. Sex toy technology has come so far in the past few years that many vibrators are now 100% waterproof. Mimi, by Je Joue, is one of these shower/bath friendly toys. It’s rechargeable, has ten different speed settings and is small enough to fit in the palm of your hand. Its unique shape means it can be used as a clitoral stimulator, or you can add some body wash and use it as a back massager. Another smartly designed toy for the shower is the Lelo Alia. It is small, chargeable, and waterproof like the Mimi, but includes a cutout handle in its design that makes it easy to hold and control when wet. The Alia is designed for clitoral stimulation, and is one of three waterproof toys in Lelo’s Insignia line. For fully waterproof Lelo toys that you can use internally or externally, the Isla and Soraya are two other excellent options. Other fully waterproof toys include all of Jimmy Jane’s Form toys, any of Fun Factory’s chargeable toys, and the Tango, Salsa and Touch by We-Vibe. If you’re looking for a vibrator you can sit on while performing oral sex in the shower, or attach the wall and rub against, the Ono Cleo bathtub massager is made with a lot a surface area and a suction cup so you can put it on any flat surface.

After you have the right vibrator for playing in the shower; the next obstacle is getting into the right position without slipping. This is where the Sex in the Shower products made by Sportsheets come in. The Sex in the Shower line includes a sturdy footrest and handles that suction onto the shower wall, so you can put your hands and feet anywhere you want to. One of their more popular items is the Dual Showerhead. Often, when you are your partner are in the position that works the best for your shower, a standard showerhead doesn’t provide enough coverage to keep both of you warm and wet, which leaves one person shivering. This common problem limits the amount of time to get hot-and-heavy before having to switch places, or leaves you trying to finish quickly. The Dual Showerhead supplies each person with an adjustable stream of water to make sure no one freezes while getting frisky. Besides the practicality of these items, the Sex in the Shower line includes cute items like vibrating soap and sponges, a waterproof mini-vibe, and suction handcuffs.

If you’re a couple that uses a harness during sex, it often seems that shower sex is impossible because water ruins leather harnesses and cloth harnesses become too heavy to wear once they’re wet. One fix for this is to get a strapless strap-on like the Feeldoe by Tantus or the Share by Fun Factory. The person wearing the toy inserts it into their vagina or anus, and holds it in to facilitate penetration instead of inserting a toy into a harness and putting it on. Because these don’t require a harness at all, they are perfect for shower play. However, strapless strap-ons aren’t for everyone. Spare Parts makes the Joque Harness, which is a high quality harness that is designed to work in or out of the shower. Any Tantus, Vixen, or Basix toy is compatible with the Joque Harness, and since it’s made of spandex and nylon, it’s not going to get heavy like cotton and polyester harnesses do when they get wet.

The last thing to remember when having sex in the shower is that lubricant, whether natural or in a bottle, tends to wash away with the water. Using any silicone-based lube solves this problem. Silicone lubricants are not water soluble, so they don’t wash off when they come into contact with water, meaning you can make shower sex as slippery as you want. Pjur’s Original Bodyglide is the top of the line when it comes to silicone lube, but Pink, System Jo and Gun Oil all make quality silicone lubricants as well. Just make sure you start with a very small amount, and then apply more as needed, since a little silicone lube goes a long way!

Of course, all the lubes, toys and harnesses designed to spice up sex in the shower can be used outside of the shower too, with or without a partner. Sex in the shower doesn’t have to be reserved for times when you need a quick erotic escape at home. With the numerous accessories Fascinations sells to complement and enhance a sexy shower experience, anyone can turn an impromptu shower encounter into an experience to remember.

30 percent of women always climax during intercourse .  This means that 70 percent of women having sex have an orgasm during foreplay , or don’t have an orgasm at all.  While it’s perfectly normal to enjoy intercourse without having an orgasm, and many women do, there are a lot of women who want to be able to have an orgasm during sex.  Luckily, Fascinations carries plenty of tools to make this happen!

The main reason women do not orgasm from intercourse is because most women orgasm best from clitoral stimulation.  The fact is; penetration doesn’t do very much to stimulate the clitoris.  Adding a simple clitoral vibrator  to sex is an easy way to help her have an orgasm.  Ophoria’s Finger Vibe is 1-speed, made of 100% silicone, and simply slips over the finger so it can be held on the clitoris during sex.  For something with more versatility, the Lelo Nea and Fun Factory LayaSpot are both designed to curve nicely over the pelvic bone during sex, offering several speeds and pulsations.  They are both easy to hold with one hand, which leaves your other hand to get creative!

Most toy companies have realized that there is a demand for toys that stimulate the clitoris during sex, which is how a whole category of couple’s-oriented toys has come into existence.  The basic concept of these toys is that one partner wears the toy, and the vibration complements intercourse by stimulating the clitoris and facilitating penetration at the same time.  The most common couple’s toys are vibrating cock rings, which are stretchy rings that sit at the base of the penis and have a bullet that vibrates on the clitoris.  For some couples, the idea of incorporating a vibrating ring into sex can be daunting .  Luckily, Screaming O makes a variety of disposable and affordable couple’s toys that are great for those who aren’t sure what they’re going to like.  Their basic Screaming O Ring lasts for about 30 minutes before the battery dies.  If you liked it, you can always back to Fascinations for an upgrade, and if you didn’t like it, you can just throw it away.  For couples wanting  something longer-lasting, the three varieties of Sexual Exciters are good toys because they are stretchy, have 7 different speed and pulsation settings, and don’t take watch batteries, which tend to run out quickly.  If you prefer a vibrating cock ring that is wireless, but doesn’t take watch batteries, the Lelo Tor is a good chargeable option that has multiple speed settings.

Luckily, there’s a toy that solves this problem as well; the We-Vibe.  The woman wears the We-Vibe during sex.  The smaller side inserts into the vagina and vibrates on the G-Spot, while the larger side vibrates and rests on the clitoris.  It is designed to be small enough to fit in the vagina and accommodate penetration at the same time. The part that vibrates on the G-Spot is going to stimulate his penis as well, which can bring an added, and exciting, sensation to intercourse.  There are several great things about the We-Vibe: It is chargeable, wireless, has several vibration settings, and is hands-free.  Additionally, it is a more intimate toy because it gives both partners stimulation.

Lots of women and couples believe that there is something wrong with them if they can’t achieve orgasm during intercourse, but it is more common than not, and doesn’t have to be! Incorporating a clitoral vibrator, couple’s toy, or G-Spot stimulation into your sex life can mean much more enjoyable orgasms for both partners, and more fun during sex.

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As we discussed last week, only 48% of Americans are satisfied with their sex lives…meaning that a whopping 52% of Americans are not in fact satisfied with their sex lives.

Don’t be one of those people. One reason that people tend to be unsatisfied with their sex lives is that they aren’t asking for what they want sexually from their partner. Communication is key in every relationship, and the need for communication doesn’t stop at the door to the bedroom. If you are one of millions of people unsatisfied with your sex life, it is time to take charge of communication, and ask for what you want, which hopefully will result in a more satisfied sex life.

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Step 1: Figure out WHAT you want

A lot of times, we don’t even know what we want. Perhaps we feel guilty thinking about things that turn us on, or selfish thinking about activities we may love, that our partners’ may or may not love. Or maybe, we just never even took a moment to think about thinking about what we want. Whatever the reason, take a moment to sit and thinking about what you’d like more of, less of, etc in your sex life. Do have enough kissing? Enough foreplay? Enough post-coital cuddling? Enough hardcore fucking?

Step 2: Ask for what you want

We’re often afraid of asking our partners and lovers for what we want…but honestly, if you’re not happy with your sex life, why not give it a try (in the nicest way possible, of course) and take the chance of significantly improving your sex life, just by opening your mouth. We like to suggest the compliment sandwich; say something nice you like about sex with then…then say something you’d like to improve/change, and then finish with another compliment or positive feedback.

Example: I really love when we have sex for hours – that turns me on so much. I’d love it if we could add more oral sex to our marathon sessions – you are so amazing at going down on me!

See – you’re not lying, you’re just saying the truth, and asking for what you want, and complimenting your partner at the same time. If saying stuff out loud is a little scary for you, consider writing it in an email, a text, whispering it in their ear, etc. Feel free to great creative with your communication styles!

Step 3: Ask your partner what THEY want

Communication goes both ways; if you have something (or multiple things) that you’d like to work on in your sex life, the likelihood that you partner might also have some changes that they’d like to have made is also high. Open us the lines of communication – ask them what their favorite part of sex s, and then ask what they’d like to do differently, or try that is new, or something that they’d like to change. Remember; everything said is with good will and good intent; don’t take anything personally, but as a way of continually improving your sex life, so that BOTH of you are more than satisfied.

A recent study showed that 48% of Americans are satisfied with their sex lives. Now, 48% in this case seems like an awfully low number. It translates to saying that over half of Americans (at least of those polled) are in fact Unsatisfied with their sex lives, and as a company that celebrates sexuality, that seems pretty sad.

But the questions just keep coming! Was this study done of single folks? People casually dating? Those in long term, committed relationships? Is it possible that some of those surveyed were currently single, and therefore unsatisfied with their sex lives, because perhaps they don’t have much of a sex life at the moment, and are unsatisfied with that fact?

It remains that 48% of people are satisfied with their sex lives, regardless of their relationship status. 48%, a looming number when you realize that 52% just aren’t happy with the sex they are having. However, that then leads us to ask; what is sex?

This is a question that is frequently asked, and is truly age old. Some people define sex as penis in vagina sex, and nothing more. On the other hand, many people have a much more fluid definition of sex; to them, sex can include anything from anal intercourse, fingering (of vagina or anus), cunnilingus, analingus, fellatio, wearing butt plugs, getting flogged/spanked, receiving massages (or giving them), tantra practices, and much more. So one has to ask; when someone isn’t satisfied with their sex life, are they solely looking at the amount/quality of penis-in-vagina intercourse that they are having, or have they tried all of these other fabulous forms of sexuality, and found they still aren’t getting their buttons pushed in a way that they need in order to feel a true satisfaction with their sex lives.

When we look at the concept of sex, it is incredibly important to realize how diverse sexual activity can be. Remembering that only 30% of women can climax from intercourse alone, it’s time to look at all of the other exciting activities and fun stuff that can be done by two or more people. If you are one of those 52% of people that aren’t satisfied with your sex life, why not make a change? Sit down, and think about what types of sex play really make you feel good. Maybe you’re made for massages – if so, invest in some good massage oil, or a massage candle, and put your partner to work (just make sure to return the favor!). If you’re hankering for a spanking, pick up a paddle, and get your partner swinging. Are you feigning for more stimulation than you’re regularly getting? Pick up a couple’s friendly vibrator to really add a little extra spark to your time in the bedroom. Don’t just sit there unhappy with your sex life – add some accessories, or change up the routine, so that both you and your partner join the 48% of Americans who love what is happening behind closed doors!

When we say sex life, what does that mean to you? Are you satisfied with your sex life? If so – what makes it so fulfilling? And if not, what are you going to do to change that?

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Ready to try out something a little newer…and dare we say it, kinkier? If so, this week’s post by FunLove blogger and store associate Rachel is just up your alley…

Plenty of people are in the market for something a little daring! They want something that really pushes the envelope in the bedroom. Once you’re deeply involved in a serious romantic relationship things can often become stagnant and your sensual side falls dormant. People get into a routine or a rut and the usual bedroom antics doesn’t do the trick anymore. Somehow you need a little something else…

Well, Fascinations has everything to tickle your fancy from feathers, to floggers and whips oh my! Seriously though, a new pair of furry handcuffs or a brand spankin’ new set of Sportsheets could really enhance your romantic life. Sure, you can try new positions but not everyone is limber enough for that to continue on for too long, and then some of us are just down for a little fetish fulfillment. Whether you are an experienced dominatrix or just looking to add a little spice and variety with a simple Satin Love Mask to enhance sensation, there are so many options if you can get comfortable enough to let down your guard and push your limits by getting a little bit kinky.

Nervous? Don’t be! Fascinations, offers plenty of books and movies to assist with the basics for beginners. You’ll certainly feel naughty reading How to Be Kinky in public. Pick up a copy of Showing You the Ropes if you want the 411 on how to tie knots for superior tight bondage. In the mood to spill popcorn on your sheets? Bring home Midori’s Expert Guide To Sensual Bondage by VividEd for your next movie night! Sometimes having a visual can really clarify what is going to work for you and your partner.

A fun night can be born out of something as simple as a Vibrating Doggie Style Strap to really enhance your positioning! Better yet try a G-Spot Link to really send her over the top! If you want go for a really unique garment, like a Bondage Vest for a truly versatile and rewarding experience!

Looking to play Doctor? The Asylum line offers a Play Doctor Kit with plenty of gauze to tie up your lover. You can also whip them back in to shape with an Rx paddle, Ooh La La! The Asylum line offers all kinds of spine tingling items to take you outside your comfort zone. So if you want to take a walk on the darker side check out all the Asylum goodies on our website or your local store.

If you’re shopping for someone else it may be best to go with a kit. Many kits Fascinations has to offer include the toys and tethers most often sought out by newcomers to fetish fun. Not to mention a kit will save any embarrassment that could come with discussing the gift. A kit allows the receiver the opportunity to remain modest since they may not use everything included and did not make the purchase, thus you not only give them a gift but you also do the hard part for them. A great place to start looking is the Ultimate Fantasy Kit. This 14 piece kit includes everything from suction cup cuffs, to bondage tape and lube. Going for a more subtle or delicate approach try our Vanilla Bondage Kit. No one can resist a gift that comes packed up like a little pint of ice cream. This little guy includes soft ties that will be sure to perk up some intrigue.

So many couples come into their local Fascinations and one person is really curious and their lover looks like they could run for the door! Whether it’s because they’re shy, embarrassed or intimidated by all the possibilities it’s important to remember that communication is key in any role-playing or fetish situation. Everyone has limits, and it is so important to make certain that everyone involved is eager to play, and trusting of how far the fantasy will go. When you and your lover are on the same page and your both clear on what is desirable and what is crossing a line you can both fully enjoy some erotic adventures you may have never thought possible. As always any questions or concerns can be directed to the trusted associates at Fascinations. So Get Crackin’!

This week brings us an interesting and fun post by Fun Love blogger Rachel about how to get in gear, and really set the mood for romance…

Everything has a time and a place right? Well wouldn’t it be nice if it were more like a moment frozen in time, with the perfect ambiance? Setting the scene for a romantic evening, erotic escape, or what have you is essential to getting the most out of a frolic. Little things, such as candles, massage oil, or feathers can make for a huge improvement in your foreplay and add that movie quality high drama! In fact people can overlook the importance of foreplay and surroundings. We can become so enthused about achieving a climax that it is easy to understand how one can forget the benefit of taking it slow and thoroughly involving the entire body, mind and senses. Never fear, Fascinations has all the goodies to seduce your lover into passionate surrender.

If you’re looking for candles look no further. A Suntouched Candle is sure to leave you and your partner pleased with a new favorite. Suntouched candles are massage oils waiting to be melted! As your favorite scent burns and melts, rub the wax/oil all over your partner to work out the tension from a long day. This hemp and soy based wax has a lower melting point than beeswax and can be drizzled over your partner. No worries here about burns! Even better are the Suntouched Flavored Candles. Pick from cherry, strawberry, or watermelon and add kissing, tasting and licking to your next massage. All Suntouched candles come with a little spoon to make life easy and a little less messy. You can smell and taste your favorite fruits during intimate moments all while enjoying something as simple and time tested as a candle. Take your taste buds to the next level with a Chocolate Body Paint from Kama Sutra. If a variety of flavor sounds about right. Sample any of the System Jo flavors. System Jo offers their flavored lubricants in 1oz containers, making them perfect for travel! The flavors are pretty spot on too. Not too sweet and artificial tasting. Speaking of tasting why not taste one of the recipes in Intercourses, a book written and compiled by Martha Hopkins and Randall Lockridge. What could be more traditional of a mood setter than dinner for two, (or three!)

Want a detailed instruction of what will be sure to turn into a night to remember? Try 101 Nights of Grrreat Sex a New York Times bestseller where you and your partner tear pages from the book and perform what is written inside. Turn off the lights and let Erotic Glow in the Dark Dice dictate what comes next. An even more effective way to build anticipation is with Vibrating Panties! Whether you watch someone wearing them or are enjoying them yourself these babies will tantalize all involved parties building new levels of excitement during your next steamy session. How about trying your luck at a revised classic, XXXopoly. Buy a sexual act or land on erotic chest.

Does sex in the shower sound like a fantasy on your to do list? Position Handles make sexual encounters in the shower easier and more enjoyable, while minimizing those slip and side moments. Another great invention to bring in the shower, are Foam Knee Pads! These babies make any sexy shower time experience more comfortable. Maybe you prefer a sexy bath experience? Bring back your old best friend the rubber duckie! I Rub My Duckie is a three speed vibrating bath toy that will quietly soothe while you enjoy a good soak.

Whether a romantic night means costumes and fantasy, or an intimate dinner infused with aphrodisiacs and followed by a sensual full body massage you can rely on Fascinations to provide accessories that fulfill your specific needs and desires. If a big date or special occasion is coming up forget stressful planning and stop by your local store to pick up everything needed to create an unforgettable night.

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I have not had to give a Blow job in awhile cause my husband had a Ed dysfunction… So over the weekend I hooked up with a young guy with a regular size penis.. But when I went to give him a blow job I started gagging.. This has never happened to me before.. It seemed like my throat closed up… What do I need to do??
-Opening Up

Hey!

To me, it sounds like a combo platter of you needing to take a breath and relax, and be gentle with yourself, and also a “practice makes perfect” type of arrangement. Remember the first time you gave a blow job? You probably weren’t able to fit it all the way in, or even if you could, you might not have known what to do with it.

To deal with issue A, take a deeeeep breath. Your ability to fit a penis in your mouth is not at all connected with the sexy vixen that you are. There are so many ways to have fun sexually with out ANY oral sex being involved. Do things that make you feel comfortable and sexy, and then once you’re feeling back at your sexual peak, and are interested, you can go back to the blow job action.

And for part 2? Let’s remember than most of the nerve endings of the penis are towards the top third, by the head. Even if you can’t even get the head in your mouth, licking and sucking around that area can give extreme amounts of pleasure. Also, considered lubing up your hands and getting them involved in the action. You’ll be having so much fun together that we probably won’t even notice that you’re not deep throating (which often doesn’t provide the same type of sensation that they are looking for), and if he does, he won’t care.

IF deep throating, or taking it all the way in is important to you, I’d suggest getting a dildo or cucumber (if using produce, use a flavored condom) around the size of his penis, to practice on in private. That way, you won’t feel stressed or pressured, and can get to it at your own speed, while having fun and making silly faces at the same time.

Best of luck,

Shanna

This week, our fabulous Fun Love blogger Rachel shares a little insider info on all of the fantastic rabbit vibes (aka dual stimulator vibes), and some tips on how to pick one for you!

Let’s talk about dual-stimulators! A who’s -awhatsit? Right, well more commonly referred to as rabbit vibrators! Customers come in to Fascinations day after day asking the same question, “ Where is the rabbit vibrator?” Well the truth is to answer this properly one must consider the good news and the bad news. The bad news is there is no one rabbit vibrator. The good news is, there are many different types of rabbit vibrators in many shapes, colors, and sizes! Some are rabbits and others have a more simple sleek design. The key to a dual stimulator or rabbit is that it stimulates both the clitoris and the g-spot simultaneously. So let’s pick the right one.

Picking up the wrong rabbit vibrator could be intimidating or misleading. A great place to start shopping is with Tango by Fun Factory. This amazing rabbit style toy is fully waterproof and is extremely smooth and flexible. The Tango has eight levels of spine tingling vibration and three different interval programs (not to mention the turbo booster button on the end to push any setting to the next level!) Looking for a travel sized option? Fun Factory offers the petite and rechargeable Flash! Just like with the Tango, Fun Factory delivers eight vibration intensities, and three interval programs.

Another great starter bunny vibe is the Honey Bunny made by Evolved. Besides the one year warranty Evolved offers, this guy features three levels of intense vibration in the rabbits ears as well as in the shaft. Don’t care for a rabbit? Perhaps the right dual stimulator is the Butterfly Kiss. The toy has an insert-able head for g-spot stimulation and a little butterfly for clitoral stimulation. There is also the best selling Platinum Butterfly Kiss. Which offers six more functions varying in pulsation and intensity!

Suppose you’re searching for a rechargeable toy? Something to really write home about (or stay home about!) If there’s a reliable and luxurious toy it’s the Ina by LELO. This organic shape and intuitive design make the Ina the ultimate addition to any toy box (although she might shoo the other toys out of the toy box permanently). Ina has eight levels of intensity and several pulsating options to enjoy. This medical grade silicone beauty locks for discrete travel and comes with a one-year warranty for added peace of mind.

Another great option for rechargeable rabbit is the Vanity Vr10! This snazzy magenta vibrator has a vibrating clitoral stimulator (with cute little ears to boot!) and a rotating shaft to really stir things up in the bedroom! Forget clicking with this toy. Vibration and rotation are controlled by two independent buttons, and to up the ante you simply hold the button down and watch the LED light indicator reach the max. Any of the toys in the Vanity line by J-Open come with a one-year warranty so have no worries about picking one of these.

Of course there’s always the folks at Jimmyjane who keep us covered with a crisp white Iconic Rabbit! This guy was introduced as part of Jimmyjane’s Usual Suspects line and is a staple for many happy homes. What’s not to love about this white rabbit with a one-year warranty, and separate controls for its thigh shaking dual motors?

Of course, certain factors such as intensity can’t be measured over the internet. Things like toy material really aught to be considered in person to be sure the toy is really the right pick. So don’t hesitate to stop by your local Fascinations to weigh out the options with one of our many trained romance consultants. Happy Hopping!

I’m always talking about how you’ve got to communicate with your partner(s) — communication IS key after all! However, it’s important to remember that communication is different for every person and every set of people, and it doesn’t have to involve talking, or long, drawn out conversations (although that is absolutely ok too!). Here are some ideas of ways to communicate with your lovers to help you get what you want!

*Texting! Now, hopefully, you’ve learned your lesson from some of our esteems politicians, and it’s important to keep in mind what you’re sending and to whom, because you don’t want it to come back and bite you. That said, you can definitely send fun and flirty little texts to each other; “I have a surprise for you tonight!” or “I love it when you _____.” Some people prefer text talk, while others like to literally spell out what they want.

*Leave sticky notes! If you have kids or roommates, the fridge might not be the best. Try sticking notes in your partner’s textbook, briefcase, lunch box, under their windshield, in their bike basket, or what have you. Let them know you’re thinking about them, that you’re planning on meeting them for a quickie, that you’d like to go on a date and get tested together, that you’ll be ready with massage oils when you both are home.

*Emails! Some people communicate better with written words than with talking face to face. If you’re one of those people, write a note to your partner — tell them what you like, what you wish they’d do that they aren’t doing, fantasies that you might like to play out, toys that maybe you want to try, what you find sexy about them, etc. It can be a short note, or the Magna Carta — write what you want, and hit send. Just make sure the address is correct!

*Use your body! Assuming your partner has sight, you can write things on parts of your body, like lick me, kiss me, bite me, etc. If you want to switch it up, or be less sight focused, try putting daubs of chocolate or perfume on parts of your body that you want touched, and then challenge your partner to lick or sniff out those areas without seeing them!

*During sexy times, give feedback! Whether it is hair pulling, moaning, verbal feedback, hands/nails down the back, arching body parts, etc to let your partner when something feels good, or if you’d like them to move a little forwards or back.

What are some ways that you communicate with your partner(s) outside of traditional conversation?

-Shanna

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Music can be quite powerful — certain songs make us happy, others make us incredibly sad, and still others recall memories of the past. Songs stick with us, whether they are ones we love or ones we hate.

Passion is another emotion often brought up in music, and certain music can be incredibly super sexy, or get us in the mood, or give us some rhythm as we do the deed. Here are a list of some popular songs for sexy times, but I’d love to hear from you what songs you like to listen to in order to get in the moo,d which ones are for your “during sex” play list, and what do you like to calm down with afterwards. Please share your musical loves by commenting!

-Shanna

*Bad Touch (Blood Hound Gang)

*I Touch Myself (Divinyls)

*I Want Your Sex (George Michaels)

*Sexual Healing (Marvin Gayne

*Ooh La (Goldfrapp)

*Superfreak (Rick James)

*Most Madonna Songs

*Most Al Green Songs

*Dirrty (Christina)

*Shake That Ass (Mystical)

*Boobies (Team Gina)

*You Shook Me All Night (AC/DC)

*Wonderland (Jack Johnson)

*Oops, Oh My (Tweet)

*What’s Your Fantasy (Ludacris)

*Pour Some Sugar (Def Leppard)

*Closer (Nine Inch Nails)

How about you?