Sometimes those who are new to the kink or BDSM community might wonder what all this fuss about names are about. With names like Master John, Mistress Felice, Miss Lila and Sir Mark on the more dominant side, and slave jane, boy joe, girl sally, etc on the more submissive side, it’s easy to get confused.
To be kinky or play with BDSM, you don’t have to have any special name. If you want to check out some fetish-y items, take them home and play with your partner, you can do it calling each other just Sarah and Bob, or Sue and Celine, or Josh and Jackson. If you want, you can choose to call each other Sir, Ma’am, Miss, Mistress, Master and so on. Perhaps you use terms of endearment for praise, like “good boy” and “that’s my girl.”
Usually people with “titles” such as Mistress Felice and Master John have chosen them to publicly express their top/dominant side. They may are may not currently have partners who are submissive to them, and usually they do not expected to be called Master/Mistress by someone who is not submissive to them. When someone has a name like girl sally or slave jane, that is usually because they are “owned” or in service to someone (usually a top or dominant person).
This all said, not all people who identify as dominant have titles. You’ll meet people in the scene who go by Alice or Gary and are incredibly dominant personalities, with partners who submit to them. You’ll meet people named Miss Rachel and Sir Nick who are submissive, and only ply with dominant people. And of course, we have people who switch back and forth, and enjoy both topping and bottoming.
So what is the answer to this epic and kinky name game? Do what feels comfortable. If you’re playing with kink in the privacy of your relationship, talk to your partner about what THEY feel comfortable with, and what names they’d like to call you/be called if you play with kink. If you’re starting to branch out more into your local kink setting, you may want to choose a “scene name” in order to protect your non-kink identity. In this case, you can create whatever you want. Just remember, it’s always easier to start as Kate or Bill, and eventually morph into Mistress Kate or Master Bill, than it is to start out as Sir Master Of Awesome or Goddess of Thunder and Lightning and the Universe as a whole. People expect you to back up those names, so be careful that you don’t bite off more than you can chew.
Not sure what to go by, but are interested in exploring the scene? Sign up for a free account on FetLife.com, which is a kinkster social networking site. You can get an idea of who goes by what, and you can always change/update your user name as you find something more fitting.
