Seven Sex Positions and What They Say About You

by Meg on May 27, 2012

It’s no secret that body language says a lot about a person. Arms across the chest might clue you in that someone is fairly closed off, while a wide smile is a pretty good indicator that the person is open for conversation, and someone who shies away from eye contact isn’t very sure of themselves. But, really, who cares? Because, come on, what we all want to be privy to is body language, in the bedroom.

Missionary: You may be a serial monogamist. But, more likely, you’re not a risk taker. You’ve moved less than three times in your life, order the same skinny cappuccino every morning at 7:13 a.m. on your way to the job you’ve held for the past 14 years. But, you’re dependable, reliable, and stable. And, hey, when orgasms are involved, these traits are very important.

Doggy Style: You may have spent or spend a lot of time in therapy, like trying to pinpoint why backsides are such a turn on for you. Or, more simply, you’re just embracing your wild, animalistic nature. Rawr. After all, who doesn’t like a little rear view, from time to time?

Piledriver: Maybe you should be on Ritalin to control your excessive energy. Maybe not. Because ridding it in the sack is more natural, and way better for you. Plus, sex piledriver style is exciting. But, word of caution: challenging positions can lead to physical injury. Do a little stretching beforehand and you should be golden.

Cowgirl: If you’re a woman, you’re a control freak – in the sheets. No shame in that. A girl’s gotta take control of her pleasure. If you’re a man who prefers this position, you’re either super lazy or super sweet, as you want to bask in the view of your beautiful partner.

Spoon: You are a romantic. You spend your weekends watching Lifetime and reading fantasy books, like “Fifty Shades of Grey”. It’s cool; you just need to feel secure.

Standing: You are spontaneous. Hence, this move is perfect for quickies. Either way, you don’t mess around with the details; you just get down to business. And, there’s always a time for that

Anal: Very little is off limits to you. You want, nay, you must experience everything life has to offer.

Lube makes all the difference between mediocre and mind-blowing sex. Get yours here! Also, for ideas on better sex, check out these books.

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Ask Meg: How Can I Get My Hubby to Be More Adventurous in Bed?!

by Meg on May 20, 2012

Meg,

For us women who have been married a LONG time, how do we get an old dog to try new tricks?

Thanks,

Wants to give a dog a bone(r)

 

 

Dear WTGDB:

It’s easy to get comfortable in a relationship, especially when you’ve been married for a “LONG” time. So, nice work on reaching out for some guidance. And, who knows, maybe your hubby is bored too and wants to experiment a little. Either way, don’t be shy about bringing up your concern because really, excitement is the best aphrodisiac.

 

  • Moreplay: This activity begins way before you get tossed onto the bed.  Keep things fresh and sex on the mind. Let him catch a glimpse of that lacey, red bra as you’re pulling a t-shirt over it, send him a racy text message while he’s at work, or graze the back of his neck as you walk past him in the kitchen. All of these “little” things will let him know you’re thinking about him – and his body.
  • Moves Like Whose?: What are your moves like? When it’s about to go down, do you just dive right for his penis or do you let your fingers travel over his chest, down to his navel, and circle his thighs until he cries out for you to grab his cock, already? Explore your husband’s body. After so many years of marriage, we tend to stick to what’s safe and familiar. So, you know just how your mister likes his hand jobs, so that’s how you always do it. Well, that’s boring. Who knows what he may like. Try a new maneuver and find out. Men want to be tantalized a bit, too. And, we get what we give. So, if you offer him a taste of what you want, chances are you’ll get a little sumthn’ sumthn’ in return.
  • Position Yourself: Piggybacking off of the aforementioned, reposition yourself. Most couples tend to find one position they like and stick with it. Don’t be that couple. Need ideas? Check out the Kama Sutra or other awesome books for some super-hot ideas. Sex positions are like food; we crave different things at different times. You don’t eat tacos for dinner every night, do you? So, don’t have sex missionary style every time, either. Maybe you dominated at the office today, so you want to play coy in the bedroom tonight. Or maybe, like the rest of the female population, you just finished reading “Fifty Shades of Grey” and want some brazen lovemaking. Regardless, make it your mission to not have a sex routine. You can even make a little game out of your selection process.
  • Daydream Believer: Speaking of “Fifty Shades of Grey”, explore your fantasies together. When couples share their sexual fantasies with each other, it tends to bring them closer, while adding adventure to the relationship. You can tell him about your flogging fantasy while you’re making love, or over a glass of wine. Either way, the gesture will show how much you trust him and want him to be a part of that realm of your life as well. Then, if you both are game, act one out. The exciting part is not knowing how it will turn out: sexy, funny, disastrous. One guarantee: you’ll know each other better, which is totally sexy.
  • Ask and You Shall Receive: So, you’re not completely happy with your sex life. Tell him. Some women feel shy asking for what they want between the sheets. Men are not psychic. Well, not the ones I know, anyway. So, you have to be specific. It’s all in your delivery, so be gentle. Believe me, he will appreciate it – and so will you.
  • Stroke It: His ego, I mean. Men need to feel needed and if you let him know how much you appreciate him, he’ll be apt to try anything you wish. In fact, he just may be the initiator. Just make sure you are genuine with your praises.
  • If You Wear It, He Will Come: Men are visual creatures, so work with what you’ve got. Slip into some of Fascination’s stunning lingerie and stimulate his eyes when he gets home. I guarantee he won’t be able to wait to stimulate something on you.
  • Toys R For Us: Introduce a toy specifically made for couples, such as the We Vibe 2 or the Lelo Bo. There is no shame in playing with toys with your partner. I’m pretty sure “Fifty Shades” is freeing us of that icky taboo. And, why stop at toys? Have fun with body paints, sexy lotions, massage candles, and videos. Your options are limitless.

 

Keep us posted!

Best,

Meg

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Ask Meg: My Husband’s Ex Has Golden Uterus Complex. Explain!

by Meg on May 13, 2012

Meg:

I believe my husband’s ex-wife has golden uterus complex. Can you enlighten us a little more on this topic?

Thanks,

Plain Ol’ Uterus

 

Dear POU,

The word “golden” precedes many wonderful things, like retriever, spoon, ring, egg, etc. Unfortunately, uterus is not one of these wonderful things. (It’s wonderful all by itself, however.) Just another instance of when words can be deceiving.  Kind of like, kumquat.

Women who suffer from golden uterus complex (GUC) are typically first wives with an overwhelming sense of entitlement and superiority, simply because they had children with said man – first. These women manipulate their children, ex’s, and ex’s partners, claiming it’s “for the sake of the children.” In a way, these women feel like royalty and snub other mothers and their children, especially if these other mothers are second wives.

You’d think a woman totting around a golden uterus (GU) would be mother of the year. Nope. Although GUs get the majority of their sense of self from being a mother, they’re actually quite poor parents. Women suffering from GUC tend to be highly confrontational, selfish, and abusive.

Women with GUC operate under a couple core beliefs. Firstly, that the child is a possession, her possession. When people view a person as an object, they don’t respect his/her boundaries, which is the case here. For example, if mommy hates daddy, then the child must hate daddy. GUs don’t allow their children to have feelings/thoughts of their own; these women think and feel for their children. They are one entity. GUs also believe they own the father of their children because of their “unique” ability to birth his children. They believe an episiotomy scar makes them the authority on anything and everything having to do with their children, and their parenting takes precedence over everything, including the father’s.

You say your husband’s ex-wife has GU, so I imagine you’re having a helluva time. You know she thinks of you as an intruder, right? And she thinks of her children and herself as a package. In other words, if your husband wants to have a relationship with his kid(s), Ms. GU, believes she’s part of that deal. In her mind, why wouldn’t she be? The kid(s) did come from her uterus after all. You don’t say if your man’s ex has a boyfriend or new husband. But, really, why would you? It’s none of your damn business. Well, that’s what she told you, right?

Besides staying out of a GUs personal life, you better not critique her either because anything you say will be viewed as an attack – either on her, her children, or her parenting. So, naturally, co-parenting is a complete nightmare. If you don’t parent in the exact same way as a GU, she perceives it as abuse. And, if you question something she implements, she’ll punish you with passive-aggressive behavior, like not letting you see the kids.

Some examples of tactics GUC sufferers use:

  • A phone call in the middle of the night to work out the details of Sally’s ballet recital – that’s scheduled two months from now.
  • Waking the kids up at night to talk or cuddle because, well, “It gets lonely.”
  • Telling 10-year-old Jack, “Well, thanks to your dad, you’re the man of the house, now.”
  • Saying, “My boyfriend knows, in the eyes of God, you and I will always be married.”

GUs are also known to commonly partake in a despicable act known as Mommy-blocking. This is when she attempts to keep the children from their father, either by criticizing how he cares for the children, or who he brings around the children (i.e. new wives).

In short, these women have traits of a personality disorder, want to alienate the other parent, and believe their needs come before anyone else’s, including their children’s.

So, what to do? Well, I find that when dealing with people with personality disorders or just those who are highly confrontational, setting boundaries is the most effective tool. So, learn to say no and mean it. Let her know what she can and can’t get away with. Also, have your husband do the majority of the dealings with her. And, if she ever disrespects you, he should aptly put her in her place.  Because she is damaging the children as well, you and your husband, together, should work hard to instill self-esteem and values in them.

Also, make sure you and your husband take time to de-stress. Spend some quality time together and have fun! We have plenty of toys to help you!

Best,
Meg

 

Ask Meg is a series in which a reader/customer writes our love expert, Meg, with a relationship/sex question. Kind of like Dear Abby, but with more sex! Meg has her master’s in clinical psychology, works as a crisis counselor and has over 15 years of experience in behavioral health, specializing in relationships and sex. If you have a question, email Meg at mkrein@fascinations.net.

 

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What The Color of Your Lingerie Says About You

by Meg on May 6, 2012

 

This season, color is the new black. Really, ditch the monotonous black in favor of something a little, um, flashier. Not only will color get you noticed, it will boost your confidence and make you more alluring. But, of course, no two colors are the same. Just like in a bag of Skittles. Keep reading to find out what the color of your lingerie says about your relationship, love life, and you.

Red:  This is the most intense color and signifies passion, energy, and love. People who wear red tend to be full of energy, vibrant, and have high self-esteem, making them savvy lovers. In other words, they’re not shy between the sheets.

Pink: Donning a pink babydoll? Well, then “Fifty Shades of Grey” is probably on top of your nightstand, because pink is the color of romance and fantasy. It’s also a gentle, approachable color. Bring it on!

Blue: A lot of things in nature are blue, like the sky, the ocean, etc., which makes blue a very tranquil color. Nature calms people, so naturally blue does too. Dress up in a blue corset and you’ll have your partner calmly cuddling in your arms in no time. I say partner, singular, because blue-lovers, are very loyal peeps.

Green: Like money, the color green provokes feelings of power and vitality. Green makes people feel secure and relaxed. If you’re into BDSM, green might be the color you want to brandish. Along, with that flogger, of course.

Purple: Think you should be treated like a queen? Then, adorn yourself in the color of royalty. Besides being a majestic color, purple is known for its sophistication, femininity and romantic appeal.

Orange: Do you like, nay, need attention? If so, orange is your color. Orange people like to be stimulated – both intellectually and sexually.

 

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Ask Meg: My Wife Can’t Orgasm; What’s Up?!

by Meg on May 3, 2012

Hi Meg,

I was watching the news the other morning and saw the segment you were in about sex and health benefits.  I don’t know if this is the kind of question you could help me with or not, but I have been married for almost five years now, and my wife and I don’t have a healthy sexual relationship. We have sex, but she rarely enjoys it and never seems to climax.  She has never climaxed according to her. She says sex just isn’t that important.  I believe that she would feel differently about if she could reach climax.  It seems like when she does enjoy it she just gets close, but can’t get over the edge.  Also, her clitoris is extremely sensitive to the touch. I’m at a loss. I really want to share this with her. If you could show me the way I would be in your debt.

Sincerely E.

 

Dear E:

Sex is a huge part of a marriage, so this issue must be incredibly frustrating for you. Wanting “to share this with her” tells me how much you want to please your wife and how much you must love her. That’s a great start.

What your wife has is known as Female Orgasmic Disorder (FOD). Ten percent of all women are diagnoses with this disorder, so she’s not alone. There are two types of FOD: Primary, meaning the woman has never achieved orgasm, which, according to you would be the type your wife has. And, Secondary, meaning the woman has, at one time, been able to reach the big O. Unfortunately, Primary FOD is the most difficult to treat.

So, what causes FOD? Well, several things. Let’s run through them:

  • Trauma: Any woman who has been sexually abused is at risk for emotional/psychological/sexual problems. Feelings of guilt and shame can make a sexual abuse victim feel sexually inadequate, which in turn can greatly affect her sex life.
  • Comfort: How comfortable with sex is your wife? A lot of women, whether for religious or cultural reasons, were taught sex is “bad”. So, if she feels shame about the act, it will definitely interfere with her ability to climax. Also, is she comfortable with her body? Body-image issues can cause anxiety during intercourse and impede orgasm.
  • Medications: If your wife is taking antidepressants, anti-anxiety medications or medications to lower blood pressure, they make be affecting her ability to reach orgasm.
  • Substances: Excessive amounts of booze or illicit drugs will do a number on anyone’s ability to climax.
  • Relationship: How good is your marriage? Does your wife feel pressure from you to climax? If so, this will cause anxiety, creating a vicious cycle. When having sex with someone with this issue, the environment should be relaxed. Also, are there any resentment issues? Women can hold emotions /feelings in which have a tendency to manifest sexually.
  • Control: Does she have control issues? Some women correlate having an orgasm with a losing control, like they’re letting go of something or giving something away.
  • Pelvic Floor Prolapse: This happens when the muscles that support the pelvic organs loosen. There are several causes of prolapse: childbirth, aging, surgery and spinal cord injury. One way to gauge if your wife is suffering from this: she experiences a frequent urge to urinate and complains of pressure in the vagina or rectum.

I suggest talking to your wife about the above and see if any resonate with her. Treatment depends on which ones strike a chord with her. Below are some of the most common:

  • Therapy: This is especially advised if your wife is a victim of sexual abuse. If not, you, as a couple may benefit from sex therapy.
  • Kegel Exercises: If your wife suffers from pelvic floor prolapse, she should strengthen her pelvic muscles.
  • Medication Change: See a doc and get a med change if meds are the root of the issue.
  • Communicate: For any healthy relationship, communication is the best tool. So, if your wife is feeling uneasy about sex, whether it’s due to body-image issues or religious reasons, ask her to talk to you about them.
  • Hormones: Sometimes hormones, such as synthetic testosterone can cure this pesky problem. Of course, your wife’s OBGYN will be able to advise her on this.

Best,

Meg

 

Ask Meg is a series in which a reader/customer writes in to our love expert, Meg, with a relationship/sex question. Kind of like Dear Abby, but with more sex! Meg has her master’s in clinical psychology, works as a crisis counselor and has over 15 years of experience in behavioral health, specializing in relationships and sex. If you have a question, email Meg at mkrein@fascinations.net.

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Ask Meg: My Wife Has No Sex Drive. Why?

by Meg on April 29, 2012

Meg,

I saw you on Fox 10 News this morning and thought I’d ask you…

My wife has little to NO sex drive at all.  I love her dearly, but as a typical male, I would like to be intimate with her a couple times a month.  As we are approaching almost a year now, I wonder if there are options for her to increase that missing drive.  Now I can’t avoid some of the blame as I could be more attentive to her needs and focus more on her love language, but I still wonder if she has a lack of a certain hormone or something.  She could go for years without sex and it wouldn’t bother her.  Me on the other hand; it’s driving me nuts.

Advice?

J.D.

 

Dear J.D.

Firstly, thanks for tuning in and taking the time to write me.

Now, for the important stuff. If I take only the information that you provided, it sounds like your wife is suffering from Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD), which is very real and classified as a sexual dysfunction disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders IV (DSM). The essence of HSDD is the lack of desire for sexual activity and the distress it’s causing – both of you.

I say, “take only the information that you give me” because there may be a slew of other things going on here. We must first rule out other possibilities. When a woman’s sex drive dies, emotions are usually to blame. So, if your wife is going through an emotional time, is stressed out, or anxious about something, this could be why her libido is lacking. Is your wife taking antidepressants? These babies are notorious for slaughtering sex drives around the world. If she’s on one with loss of libido listed as a side effect, she can easily speak to her doc and talk about getting a med change.

Other substances – legal or illegal – can impact sex drive. In particular, anti-seizure medications, beta-blockers, anti-psychotics, and of course alcohol and illicit drugs can do a number on a lady’s libido. Speaking of medications, is your wife physically healthy? Diabetes, hypertension, arthritis and other medical illnesses can kill sex drive.

You mention that you two are newlyweds, so I’m assuming your wife is on birth control pills, or at least has been in the past. Well, if her pills contain both estrogen and progesterone, you may have found the culprit. Pills containing both of these hormones increase sex-binding globulin which is a protein in the blood stream that binds with testosterone. As I’m sure you’re aware, testosterone is one of the key hormones linked to desire and has a direct impact on a woman’s libido.

As noted above, hormones are incredibly powerful.  And, as you suggest, your wife may have a hormone-related issue. I’m not sure how old she is, but menopause may be a possibility. It is considered the most common cause of decreased libido. During menopause, estrogen levels plummet, causing a lower interest in sex and vaginal dryness.

If your wife is grossly underweight or malnourished, she could very well be harming her libido, as this too, affects hormone levels. Many underweight women are anemic, which again, affects sex drive.

It sounds like you’re in touch with your feminine side and are emotionally tuned-in to your wife as you mentioned “love language.” I don’t hear a lot of men refer to that, so props to you! But, as I touched on above, your wife could be experiencing some emotional “stuff.” Sexual trauma is a huge issue in women with no sex drive, for obvious reasons. Also, her body image may be suffering. With the pressure and expectations from our culture for women to look a certain way, many women suffer from body image issues, so check in with her and make sure she feels beautiful and sexy.

Lastly, how’s your marriage? Are there any unresolved relationship issues in regard to trust, intimacy, or communication, etc.? If a woman is struggling, internally, with such an issue, the problem may manifest sexually.

Keep us posted and best of luck!

 

Best,

Meg

 

Ask Meg is a series in which a reader/customer writes in to our love expert, Meg, with a relationship/sex question. Kind of like Dear Abby, but with more sex! Meg has her master’s in clinical psychology, works as a crisis counselor and has over 15 years of experience in behavioral health, specializing in relationships and sex. If you have a question, email Meg at mkrein@fascinations.net.

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Ask Meg: I Have a Premature Ejaculation Problem; Help!

by Meg April 25, 2012

Hi Meg, So, in the past I’ve had a huge problem with premature ejaculation and I feel like it has ended some of my better relationships. I never know what to tell girls or what to do after it happens because I am so embarrassed and it’s just super awkward. I guess I could really [...]

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What’s Up with All the Hype Over “Fifty Shades of Grey”?

by Meg April 25, 2012

I don’t care who you are, you’ve heard about the erotic novel “Fifty Shades of Grey”. It’s a fantasy phenomenon. If you haven’t been drooling over the graphic sex scenes on your Nook, you’ve heard about them on The Today Show, MSNBC, CNN, and now Dr. Oz.  This “mommy porn” as it’s referred to, is [...]

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Ask Meg: Why Is Sex So Painful?

by Meg April 23, 2012

Hey Meg, I’m hoping you can lend some professional advice for a very painful situation. My boyfriend and I recently started having sex (we’ve been together for months, but held off for various reasons) and have encountered some major problems. He and I are on complete opposite sides of the spectrum – size wise – [...]

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Ask Meg: Why Doesn’t My Hubby Want Sex?

by Meg April 2, 2012

  Meg: Hi my name is Jessica. I have a question for you. My husband is 39-years-old and has very little interest in sex. We have been together for about 4 years. When we met he hadn’t had sex in a very long time, so he was horny as hell for a while, then it [...]

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