So you want to strap on, eh? Great! Generally, when people say “strap-on,” they are talking about using harnessing up an insertable toy in order to penetrate their partner (or just jack off). This can be referred to as a dildo, dong, cock, dick, or words like that. Personally, I like the word cock, so that's what I'm calling it in this article—but call it whatever you like! Whatever turns you on.

Here's some information about choosing cocks and harnesses, some quick safety tips, and a little bit about cock confidence.

There are 3 basic factors in choosing a cock: material, size, and shape. The best material is something non-porous, which can be easily washed with soap and water or sterilized. Generally, the best strap-on cocks are made from silicone. Beware of composite plastics, some of those include harmful chemicals which are not good to have inside your body. Make sure you choose a cock which is harness compatible. The base doesn't have to be flat and flared—some are doubles, one end of which would go up inside of the wearer, like the Feeldoe or the Nexus, though perhaps that is a later investment. Some folks like them to look more realistic, with balls or veins, and others like extra ridges or a strong curve for g-spot stimulation. Take a look at what's available and go with your gut, go with what you like. You don't really have to worry about size, especially if this is one of your first cocks. It's true what they say, size doesn't matter, it's what you do with it that counts. Start small and work up to something larger. If cost is a factor, go for a medium-sized cock, something like 6"x1.5", that will do plenty.

One of the most popular cocks are Leo, by Vixen Creations, since it's not too big and not too small but just right. You might discover you'd like an upgrade from that eventually, and when that comes, check out the Vixskin line for something realistic, pliable, and incredibly sexy.

Harnesses have a few choices to make as well: straps, materials, and adornments. If you get a harness with one strap, like a g-string, it does provide some extra stimulation for some folks, but others don't like how it feels between their butt cheeks. Maybe you'd prefer two straps, like a jock strap? Lots of access that way to the wearer's genitals. Harnesses are made from all kinds of materials, though the most popular are leather, rubber, and nylon. Leather is perhaps the most common, is lovely for molding to the wearer's body shape, and is comfortable and soft. It's hard to clean, however, and if you tend to have messy sex, you might want to go with nylon, which you can soak in the sink or sometimes even run through the washing machine, or rubber, which is totally waterproof and you could even wear in the shower. Make sure you dry the harnesses thoroughly, quickly after washing, however, or the metal buckles and parts may rust. The buckles generally come in two types: locking buckles, like a belt buckle, or D-rings, which are more easily adjustable, but sometimes slip. The locking buckles tend to stay in place a bit more firmly, but sometimes stretch. Many harnesses come with little extra flares, including the Corsette or the Annie-O. Find something that matches your style and feels like yours.

Two of the most popular harnesses are the Joque by Spareparts and the Jaguar by Aslan Leather, both of which come in both one-strap and two-strap versions. The Jaguar comes in both a leather and non-leather version, and the leather comes in white, red, and black.

Ask for tips on the materials you purchase from the resident sex educators if you need to know what kind of condoms, lubrication, or cleaning materials you will need to use. Clean your harnesses and cocks right after use to keep them in good shape, and to make sure you're ready when it's time to go at it again.

If you're new to strapping on, it's sometimes a challenge to tap into your cock confidence. But don't worry, it's there—you just gotta unleash it. You can do this by practicing with your new cock and harness, wear it to do housework, to clean, to watch a movie. Try it out while masturbating and see what that's like. Practice putting it on and taking it off so you figure out how to get it feeling just right. And remember, how you present your cock and how you treat it is often how your lover will treat it too—if you take it seriously, so will they. If you giggle and think it's silly, so will they. Take it seriously, but not too seriously—it is play, after all. Relax and have fun!